The Bonny Welshman
by Helen Pattskyn
Summary: AU - Future. COMPLETE! Picks up where we left off with Jack and the newly formed crew of the Bonny Welshman back on Omega Station. The question is, will the crew pull together or pull apart when things get tough...
1. Chapter 1

**First off a HUGE thank you to Sidlerocks for the fantastic job on Cavatina!**

I've been on a bit of a hiatus the past couple of months… but if the last few weeks are any indication, the Muses seem to be back to work. And yes, that means I'm going to finish up those unfinished pieces, do some work on Short Stories and maybe even write the story that's been alluded to, where Jack finds the box in the first place – with a little help from John. I have just a few weeks left of school, then I'm off for the summer…

Ok, so where to start… I'm not 100% sure where this is going, hence the rather unimaginative title. I *do* have a decent chunk written, a fairly good idea where I'm going to end it and some idea of the things I want to see happen in between. Julian Kyle, the box… more of the crew… hopefully an appearance by our favourite Time Lord. I'm keeping the M rating to err on the side of caution. Expect some drama, some romance, a little angst… the usual mix. As always, reviews fuel the writer's soul. :-)

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**Chapter One**

"_It is not the experience of today that drives us mad; it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring"_

**~author unknown**

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An Cho accepted her pay envelope without saying thank you; she'd earned it, after all. And it wasn't as if she _wasn't _grateful. For all that she felt trepidation about working for a man like Jack Harkness, she knew that her job on the _Welshman _was better than she deserved. But if you started thanking people – especially people in authority – they'd think you owed them more than you did. All she owed Harkness was her best on the bridge and the requisite loyalty her pay earned him.

The haul from the _Janus and Hestia_ had been sold off while they were away from the Station and although their initial liberty was up, the Captain had decided to pay them before heading back out again. An presumed his timing was no accident. Giving a raggedy bunch of spacers too much money and too much time to spend it in would probably have led to worse than the bar fight she'd gotten into the last time they were docked at Omega Station. Since they were back on regular shifts, their time away from the ship was limited; in fact, Harkness was strictly regulating 'shore leave' because there was so much traffic in and out of the station just now.

An didn't mind. She would willingly give up her shore leave to anybody who wanted it. There was nothing for her on Omega.

She glanced only briefly through the crumpled old bills in her envelope. Giving it too much scrutiny would be construed as an insult, but she had learned a long time ago never to leave the pay-master's office without being certain she hadn't been shorted. The same was doubly true when the 'pay-master' happened to be the captain of the ship – even if deep down she didn't expect this particular captain to short change her. But An knew better than to trust anyone… and _Jack Harkness_… why was she even considering trusting him, she wondered.

"Something the matter with my accounting skills, Ms Cho?" Harkness queried in a casually – cautiously – neutral tone. He slid his hands into his pockets, eyeing her almost as if he was _daring_ her to point out the error she had just noticed.

An dropped her gaze further away from his face, feeling increasingly uncomfortable. She didn't want to come under Harkness' scrutiny any more than was necessary, only here she was, with him staring at her with those cold blue eyes of his.

"N-no," she started to say… but then stopped. "That is…" she hesitated again, clearing her throat. She tried to collect her thoughts. It wasn't some nagging sense of integrity that was making her speak up, or so she tried to tell herself.

Why should she be honest with someone like Captain Jack Harkness, anyway? He was the kind of man who thought nothing of buying (and no doubt eventually selling) the company of another human being, a boy half his age no less. If he made a mistake in her favour, she shouldn't point it out, she should just take her pay and go. It's what anyone else in her position would do.

_But he's also the kind of man who bailed the lot of us out of the brig for that stupid bar brawl with nothing more than 'Well kids, you ready to go home?' _

There had been no glowering remarks, no admonishments – well, none that could be taken seriously, anyway. He'd actually said he wished he'd been there! Then he proceeded to half heartedly tear a strip off them for disorderly conduct and brawling in public. Never once, however, did he say that he should have left them in the detention centre to rot or threaten them with docking their pay for his trouble. He just paid the fine, signed the paperwork and herded them back to the main area of the Station, suggesting that they steer clear of those 'yahoos' from the Mining Corp. from now on.

Then with a friendly pat on Garrison's back, Harkness had left them to enjoy the rest of their liberty… which was cut short, but that had nothing to do with the fight in the bar, that had to do with… something. An still wasn't sure what to make of _that_ situation.

She sighed. It didn't really matter what kind of man he was, or what kinds of secrets he was harbouring, she knew the kind of woman _she_ was. The kind of woman she wanted to be.

"I think you made a mistake, Sir." An handed the envelope back to him, before she lost what little nerve she had left. She only hoped that the fact that she was willing to point out an error in her favour would outweigh his ire at being contradicted. "I'm sure you just had a lot on your mind is all, Sir," she added hastily to his deepening scowl. She wondered if she had miscalculated in telling him he'd overpaid her.

Jack accepted the envelope from her outstretched hand; he had counted out everyone's cut himself. He knew there wasn't a mistake. But to appease her – and that nagging little voice in the back of his head which for reasons that escaped him spoke with beautiful Welsh vowels, telling him that it was better to double check it than brush it off – he recounted the bills in the communications specialist's envelope. By his reckoning, everything was in order.

"Would you care to elaborate on my mistake?" he asked, making every effort to keep his tone neutral.

"I… Sir… with all due respect, I believe you've miscounted," she stammered, obviously frustrated and uncertain how to be any more clear, clearly regretting having said anything in the first place.

Jack pulled up her contract on the compute terminal in front of him. He swivelled the monitor around and handed her back the envelope. "Your original contract," he nodded at the screen; she nodded as well. Good, at least it didn't look as if she was disputing her contract. That was a good start. "Plus three percent – the two you agreed to when you signed on, long term," he glanced at her again. No it didn't seem as if she was changing her mind. _Thankfully. _ She _was_ replaceable, but she as a damned fine specialist. He would let her go in a heartbeat if it was over Kam, but anything else he wanted to understand and have a chance to correct.

He continued, in a patient tone: "And the one percent I threw in for indulging my little junket to Pieri – minus the pay out Mr. Smeed distributed on our first day here."

He and Smeed had agreed that it wouldn't be wise to pay the crew in full before giving them twenty four hours liberty. There was entirely too much trouble they could get into if they had that much money in their pockets. But they had earned a small pay out, certainly. Most of the crew was likely completely broke by the time they had got back to Omega Station for the second time.

An's gaze shifted from the screen – where all of the umbers were in order except for one detail – up to his face, trying to read what she saw there. She reminded herself that this was the same man who had allegedly killed two men on Omega a few months ago. He'd never been charged, but as near as she could tell it was common knowledge that he'd done it.

She cleared her throat. "Captain, when we were on Omega before and I got into that...altercation...with the others in that bar, you had to bail us out, Sir."

At the time it had felt good to be a part of that… a part of _something, _anything… she hadn't even stopped to think about what would happen after they got arrested (and they _would_ get arrested.) At time, however, it had seemed worth it.

It still did. She still had her job. She had a home, such as it was… she hated so much about the _Welshman's_ Captain, but she couldn't deny that he treated his crew fairly.

However, he should have deducted the cost of her bail from her pay, plus some, for his trouble. That's what any other captain would do, it was considered fair practice. Heck, _most_ captains would have left them there for the remainder of their liberty as punishment for getting into a fight in the first place. Any other captain would certainly have done more than half-heartedly lay into them about it. They should have had a multitude of unpleasant tasks awaiting them back on the _Welshman._

Which was why Harkness' smile surprised her. "Like I said, by my reckoning, it's all there."

An blinked. "Sir?" she couldn't help herself but ask.

"I count bailing my crew out of the brig now and then as part of the cost of doing business, Ms Cho. Just so long as it wasn't my guys who threw the first punch," he shot a wink in her direction. "Although remind me never to stand in front of you if you've got a beer stein in your hand," he teased. "I hear you're pretty handy with one of those things."

An ducked her head, embarrassed. Clocking some jerk in a bar was one thing, but hitting a ship's captain, any ship's captain, was a corporal offense!

But Harkness was still smiling. He slid his hands back into his pockets. "Station security told me it wasn't you guys who started it," he assured her in an easy tone. That fact only seemed to surprise her more. He waggled his eyebrows, "Gotta love a man in a uniform, Ms Cho. Now… if there's nothing else…?" he had a very handsome young man who would hopefully be wearing nothing at all, waiting for him back in their cabin.

Cho blushed, but took her leave of him. She had almost started to feel some measure of… something, something good (if not warmth, respect perhaps)… before he had made it clear _why_ Station security had gone to find him so quickly. It had puzzled her at the time, Security had no vested interest in getting someone out of the brig quickly. But clearly he was on more than a first name basis with some of the guards.

_So why did he have to buy the attention of his own private cyprian? _she wondered, not for the first time. It seemed as if Harkness could have just about anybody he wanted… but maybe that was it. Maybe he was so used to getting what he wanted that he didn't think twice about buying a person's life… _and what does that say about the value he places on human life? _She mused bitterly.

Of course she also knew she didn't have a whole lot of latitude to talk. She had done to her own son exactly what she suspected Mr Anders' parents had done to him. And just like Anders, he ended up belonging to a man like Harkness… a part of her secretly hoped that it _was_ someone like Harkness.

She had never seen a bruise on Mr Anders, and while she knew that bruises could be concealed beneath clothing, the way the boy acted towards the Captain, like a devoted pup, suggested that Harkness probably treated him the same way in private as she'd seen him treating the boy in public. But she was sure that eventually Anders would be too old for him... or that the Captain would just get bored. But maybe that didn't necessarily mean he would sell Anders off to some labour camp… or worse… he seemed fair. Maybe he would let Anders buy his way out of his contract, some day.

Oblivious to An's dark musings, Jack locked up his office and headed towards his cabin. She had been the last crewman he had to pay before he could take some well deserved time off.

He hummed quietly as he made his way down the corridor… his ship. His _Bonny Welshman_… he smiled. He didn't know the name of the tune he was humming, although he was sure he had at one time. All he knew was that he had three full hours before he was due to meet with Julian Kyle. He intended to use that time wisely, doing everything in his power to make his lover squirm, giggle and moan… _probably in that order, too… _he smirked.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the huge greeting this story has gotten!! WOW.  
Talk about the pressure to make sure it's good! ;-)**

I appreciate all the favoriting/update requests this has gotten as well as all the reviews.

**

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****Chapter Two**

"_Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away."_

_**Dr. Laurence J. Peters**_

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Liza Fielding spied Anneke Strickson through the big Plexiglas window of one of the shops at the 'high end' of shopping district. She herself was just making her way through the overcrowded arcade, doing a bit of window shopping as she headed towards her real destination, which was certainly no where near there. But while she could never afford the sorts of frivolities at the high end of the arcade, it was nice to indulge in a little idle daydreaming once in a while. Liza had always wondered what it would be like to be the kind of person who could shop here all the time – or even at all.

A bright smile blazed across the younger woman's face when she saw Liza coming in the shop door. "Hey!" she flagged her crewmate over. On another day her loud outburst might have attracted more attention, but like the arcade outside, the store was crowded – noisy.

"What do you think?" Anneke held the garment she had been debating over up to her shoulders so Liza could see. It was a gorgeous lightweight cotton dress in blues and pinks. "It's on sale, see?" she pointed to the tag. She knew better than trying to buy anything full price in a shop like this, but the bargain racks always had great deals. With new merchandise coming in, even the bargain racks were being discounted! Who cared if the clothes were a season or two out of style? It was better than buying everything second, third, or fourth hand. Anneke could barely remember the last time she'd had something new to wear, something pretty.

She only wished she'd had her full pay when she'd had a full twenty four hours to shop; after their initial liberty, Jack was severely restricting shore leave. There was a strict rotation of who could be off the ship when and for how long – a maximum of three hours, even if you were off-duty. She had the feeling that while he could be pretty easy going most of the time, he'd been serious about dragging anybody back by the ears who was out when they weren't supposed to be. She was just glad An Cho hadn't wanted her liberty on Omega, so she could get out sooner than she would have been able to otherwise. She still only had three hours, but at least she'd gotten here before all the good stuff was gone. It seemed like all the shops were having sales, clearing the way for new merchandise.

"Well?" Anneke pressed, when Liza didn't immediately answer her question about the dress. "Do you think it would look all right on? I'm never sure about waistlines like this…" she added in a hopeful tone as she pulled the dress closer to her body, eager for approval from a woman she'd gone from avoiding like someone with Lazar's Disease to someone she truly looked up to. Liza was like the big sister she'd never had, never even knew she wanted, until she'd come to her rescue that day.

"I think you'd be better off spending your money on something practical," the older woman told her matter-of-factly. She couldn't help the stab of guilt she felt when she saw the crest fallen expression crossing the girl's face at the sourness of her tone. "Anneke, honey, where in the world would you wear a thing like that, anyway? There's nobody to impress aboard the _Welshman_," she said in a more sympathetic tone.

"Sure there is."

She planted her hands on her hips. "Who?"

Annake blinked; she clearly hadn't expected to be challenged. "Well… I don't know. I mean... Just because most of the guys my age have sort of hooked up already doesn't mean I can't look nice for myself, does it? Besides, you never know who we're going to meet…"

"The only thing we'll be meeting any time soon is more space junk."

"You don't know that! There's no telling where we'll be headed to next." She cast another look at the dress, doubt clouding her features. "We _could_ go some place with people…" it was possible. Anything was possible. "We won't spend _all_ our time in space or crummy old space ports like this."

Liza sighed. She had to admit it was an awfully pretty dress. Frivolous. But pretty. The soft blues would bring out Anneke's eyes and the pinks would play off the natural rose-on-ivory hue in her cheeks. She also had to admit that it was a good deal, all things considered.

"You can't go buying things like that all the time you know," she said in a cautious tone. "You'll spend through all your pay and have nothing to show for it if you do – there's no telling what the next haul is going to look like. Life on a salvage vessel is hit or miss. And you need new boots," she added with a sharp look at the girl's feet. Anneke's work boots were a size too big and starting to wear thin in the soles.

"I know," she agreed, following Liza's gaze. Her next stop really was going to be some place where she could get a good pair of work boots that would fit her properly. New boots wouldn't come cheap…. She looked at the cost of the dress again. It was so pretty… she turned to Liza, trying to get her to understand:

"It's just that when I was a little kid, back before I lost my father, whenever the ship we were on took in a good haul and he got a good cut – 'cause he was the best engineer in the galaxy," she added, just like she always did when she spoke of her father. "He always used to take me out and buy me something nice – not always as nice as this," she said of the dress. "Sometimes he'd just get me a doll or a toy or some little bauble," she couldn't help but smile at the tingly-warmth the memory brought on.

She had kept every single thing her father had ever given her. "I just wanted to do the same thing for myself, especially now that…" her voice caught. The _Welshman_ was such a great ship! It had taken her a while to figure out Jack Harkness – not that she was certain she really had him sussed out completely yet, but she believed that he was a good person. A good Captain. He would take care of his crew and he wasn't about to lose his ship in a card game. She had a home again, a _**real home**_, and she'd found it all by herself… well, with some help from Pete Davies, of course. If he hadn't come to her with the contract… she sighed.

"I guess I just got a little carried away wanting to celebrate," she admitted in a glum tone.

"There's no harm in buying yourself something nice," Liza surprised her by saying. "As long as it's only once in a while," she added in a stern tone. "You should probably try it on to make sure it fits all right. Then we'll go looking at work boots."

"Really?"

"Really. I'll wait for you here." _Although exactly when I inherited another little sister, I'd surely like to know._ Liza mused to herself, because Anneke was looking at her just exactly the way her own sister would in the same situation.

"Thank you! I'll be right back, I promise!"

Liza just shook her head; while she Anneke went to try on her dress, she found herself browsing through the bargain rack herself for a few moments, _just_ to pass the time… after all, who did she have to look nice for…? People like her didn't shop in stores like this!

She turned away from the dresses. She would look silly in any of them, anyway. But there was a rack of blouses that had been reduced down to next to nothing to make way for new stock. Paired with the one skirt she owned, she would almost look like a real lady dressed up in one of them… and maybe it might be nice to dress up just a little for their next 'Movie Night'.

Not that Avi Stasi would ever look her way… _but I suppose I can just dress up for myself,_ she smiled. Never mind that the only foot wear she owned were her work boots, which would surely look ridiculous with her long skirt and a new blouse…


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you **again for the reviews! It's so nice to "see" everybody. Especially to those of you who regularly review (not that I don't appreciate everybody, because I *DO*), but it's really nice to see all those familiar names! I really appreciate the warm welcome back.

And yes, I will definitely be exploring An's storyline in this story... but first some of that promised angst... ;-) (don't worry, the boys aren't going to get six kinds of stupid this time around.)

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**Chapter Three**

_He seemed to be talking about my fears, my insecurity, and my unwillingness to see what was wonderful because tomorrow it might disappear and I might suffer. The gods throw the dice, and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not. They don't care if when you go, you leave behind a lover, a home, a career, or a dream. The gods don't care whether you have it all, whether it seems that your every desire can be met through hard work and persistence. The gods don't want to know about your plans and your hopes. Somewhere they're throwing the dice- and you are chosen. From then on, winning or losing is only a question of luck. The gods throw the dice, freeing love from its cage. And love can create or destroy-depending on the direction of the wind when it is set free._

Paulo Coelho

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Kam couldn't help the nervous flutter in his stomach as he strode through the door of the familiar establishment with his lover. _My partner,_ he sighed, a happy smile played across his lips despite the pang of anxiety deep in his stomach. Jack didn't seem to notice either the smile or how nervous he was. He was too busy scanning the crowd, looking for his friend.

The _Welshman's_ young pilot didn't mind; he was getting used to the way his Captain could get preoccupied with something important and worked hard trying not to let it bother him. He understood how it must have driven Mr Smeed mad when they were together (something he was still having a hard time picturing – they were _so _ different!) But he knew Jack being preoccupied wasn't the same thing as Jack ignoring him. He also knew that if something ever did upset him again, he had to tell Jack.

Anna had been right. Jack couldn't read his mind, and he never, ever wanted them to hurt each other the way they had before, especially not over something that wasn't even really real. His life was too short. Jack's was too long.

As Kam's eyes adjusted to the subdued lighting of the pub, he scanned the room looking for someone sitting by themselves, someone who looked as if they were waiting for Jack, even though he had no idea what sort of person he was looking for exactly. Jack had been less than forthcoming when he'd asked him about Julian Kyle. All he'd said was that he was some old friend.

The young man caught himself chewing on his lower lip. What if Julian Kyle didn't like him? What if he didn't like Julian? What if Julian was more than just some old 'friend', what if he was an old _boyfriend..._what if he still had feelings for Jack? What if Jack still had feelings for him?

Kam reminded himself that he kept telling Jack it was ok if he wanted be with other people… _just come home to me. Please always come home to me,_ he begged silently_. Please really mean it when you say for the rest of my life… _He knew he wouldn't survive it if Jack took it all back someday. He knew Anna would tell him that there were other people in the universe, but she didn't understand. Jack was the only person he ever wanted to be with because he was the person he'd always been with. For his whole life Jack had been there and he didn't know what he would do if suddenly he wasn't there any more. _But he said he wanted me for the rest of my life,_ Kam reminded himself.

He glanced up at the older man, but his eyes were still focused on the room, searching, as a frown tugged at the corners of his mouth.

That time of day – mid afternoon, according to the big clock in the main arcade – most places were nearly empty, and Bessie's was no exception. There were only a few tables with customers sitting at them, but they were all groups of two and three and four men and women... except for the lone alien that sat at a quite corner table all by itself, reading a book. Kam was pretty sure Jack's friend wasn't an alien.

"Maybe he stood you up?" he suggested at last. He almost hoped it was true.

Jack shook his head; he flipped open his wrist strap and hit a couple of the small buttons. He turned slowly, scanning the room again, this time with his gaze fixed on the wrist strap. He smirked and began making his way purposefully towards an empty table half hidden in the shadows in a back corner. Perplexed, Kam followed … suddenly he realized that the table wasn't empty at all.

The man sitting there, lazily sprawled into one of only two chairs at the small table, appeared to be in his forties. He flashed a saucy half-grin up at Jack when it became apparent the older man had finally spotted him.

He had shoulder length brown hair – there were just a few greys evident – and a not-so-neatly trimmed beard. He wasn't wearing typical spacers' garb, but he hardly looked as if he lived on Omega, either. Omega was filled with working class people and this man wasn't that. Kam's stomach flipped and flopped as he took the man in… he felt as if the floor were becoming thin and slippery beneath his feet.

He had worn similar clothing when he had Served. The memory was far from pleasant.

The man's laced up the front, but the laces were done loosely, exposing several inches of bare tanned chest and two thick gold necklaces. They were as clear an indication that he had wealth as the rings on his fingers and the black leather coat hanging off the back of his chair. He wasn't one who sold his own body so much as one who bought and traded the Services of others… and he was clearly advertising his sexual availability in both is posture and his attire.

He rose smoothly to his feet and extended his hand to Jack as if he hadn't even noticed the younger, smaller man who was coming up on his heels.

_Why should he notice me?_ Kam wondered miserably. He was nothing by comparison Jack… nothing compared to his friend. This man, this Julian Kyle, was older than he by at least twenty years. He was wiser, he had to be. He was sure of himself, Kam could see it in the way he carried himself. _He's closer to being Jack's equal than I'll __**ever **__be._

"Took you long enough to spot me, Old Man," Kyle said by way of greeting, a Cheshire grin playing across his handsome face. "You're getting sloppy in your old age."

"You wish!" scoffed Jack. He pulled the younger man into the kind of familiar embrace that caused Kam's already sinking heart to reach the soles of his feet…


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"_Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."_

_**~author unknown**_

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"Thanks for walking with me," Leah flashed a shy smile at her companion. When Tom told her that Buddy had asked him to switch shore leave times so he could catch up with some friends he hadn't had a chance to see yet, she'd been a little disappointed. But because it was for the big engineer she didn't really mind - in fact, she might have been more upset with Tom if he'd refused him. Buddy was one of the single most generous people she'd ever met. The only other person who came close was Kam. Neither had much reason, it seemed to her, to be so kind when the universe hadn't been very good to them… _but they are._

Walking next to her, Avi Stasi returned her smile with one of his own; it shone with warmth he didn't usually display so openly. "My pleasure," he told her. It was true, he didn't mind coming out shoping with her at all. Omega was a big place; it would be easy for somebody like Leah, who didn't know their way around, to get lost. One wrong turn was all it took to put a person in a place they didn't want to be.

Besides, everyone else who was off duty was either on shore leave or helping out with the hydroponics garden or with the remodel of the _Welshman's _interior. If Leah hadn't asked him to go with her, he would probably have given up his shore leave the same way An had. He'd had already done all the shopping he wanted to do and there weren't any old acquaintances he particularly wanted to catch up with on the Station.

When they'd gotten into that skirmish at the bar the last time they were there, not one person that he'd known in that place had jumped in to help him. They just stood by and watched… he was pretty sure he'd heard a couple of them cheering for the other guys, too – those Mining Corp. idiots who had started it. Never mind that with Buddy there it probably wasn't much of a contest; Garrison could have taken on half the bar if he'd wanted to. Still, it gave Avi some things to think about.

The incident had put his actions towards Kam Anders into a different perspective, too. He'd been doing to Anders almost exactly what those Mining Corp. guys were doing to Anneke, maybe even worse, given Kam's background. Yet he'd thought nothing of joining in Anneke's rescue, even knowing that it would probably land him detention. He hadn't expected the Captain to come get them so quickly, no matter what he'd said before about looking out for each other. But he had come to get them straight away; he'd paid the fine and not docked it from their pay like any other man in his position would have. Avi didn't know what to make of that. Of all of the crew, Harkness had the least cause to be generous to him. _And Anders could have had me off the _Welshman _if he'd wanted to… _it was certainly what he would have done in the young pilot's place. Feeling as if he had been forgiven, at least a little bit, was harder to live with than knowing he'd made a mistake in the first place.

Leah's voice brought him up out of his thoughts:

"How long did you live here?" she asked, attempting to make small talk. She and Avi had shared a few cups of coffee over the past months… she had coaxed him into a game of two-on-two basketball with Liza and Tom once. But the salvager was almost as difficult to get to know – to _really_ get to know – as An Cho. Even Carsten, who shared a cabin with the Avi, said he didn't honestly know much about the man. He was one of those people who could be out with you every night, it seemed, but you still never got past the surface.

In response to her query, he merely shrugged. "A couple of years I guess. I spent about as much time off the station as on, though." It wasn't as if his quarters were much to speak of. A rented room – a bed. A kitchenette that barely qualified as such. Bath privileges at a communal shower shared with half a dozen of his neighbours. Even sharing a cabin with Carsten Wiess, his accommodations aboard the _Welshman_ were better than his rented room on Omega.

"Did you get a chance to get your things out of storage before our last liberty got cut short?" Leah asked him.

"Nothing to get." All he owned were the clothes in his trunk, a few odds and ends; he'd learned a long time ago to keep his load light because one never knew when they'd have to pull up stakes and move on. "What about you? You weren't expecting to be on the _Welshman _long term, were you?"

"No one was. Mr. Smeed was absolutely clear about that. One job, one crew. We'd be paid and dropped off wherever the Captain saw fit to drop us. Getting home was our problem, not his," she repeated Smeed's words to her nearly verbatim.

Avi blinked. While not an uncommon attitude – ships' Captains weren't known for being generous about much of anything – that didn't sound like the man he'd been serving under the last four and a half months. The man that Leah was describing would have put him off the ship for his 'mistake' where Mr. Anders was concerned without a second thought. "What happened, I wonder…" he mused aloud.

Leah kept her thoughts to herself. _Kam happened…_ she knew it was him. Kai had been on the bridge the day they flew through the magnetic field that sent the young pilot went slamming into Captain Harkness, and had told her about it. He had been too busy trying to stay in his own seat to see the whole thing, of course, but Kai said looking back, in light of all the things that had happened since, that something had 'clicked' between Anders and Harkness that day. He was hard pressed to say what it was – and he had been plenty nervous around the Captain himself for a long time afterwards – but he said there was something about the way the Captain looked at Kam when the younger man finally got back to his seat… _"It was like he was seeing Anders for the first time… seeing the rest of us for the first time."_

"What was he like?" Avi was asking.

"Hmmm?"

"Harkness. When you first signed on with him, what was he like?"

She gave him a speculative look. "What d'you mean?"

"I just… I heard some stuff. You know. The same stuff everybody heard when you guys first got here… and… the _Welshman _certainly had a reputation. A couple of my buddies said I was taking my life into my own hands signing onto that ship."

"So why did you?"

"Anything was better than staying here," he told her the truth.

Leah looked around the broad corridor of the main shopping arcade. It was well lit, throngs of people… aliens… coming and going. Not so many aliens as humans, but enough that she noticed them. A group of diminutive blue skinned humanoids… a Raxacoricofallapatorian couple… a group of Mentor merchants she knew better than to get too close to, lest they decide _she_ might be for sale… some others she couldn't name by name. The arcade was incredibly crowded; Avi said that probably meant there were new shipments coming in today. New shipments meant older merchandise would be going on sale and that meant more shoppers than ever, elbowing their way in to get the best deals possible.

She stopped to admire a display in front of a florist's shop. The exotic blooms smelled of honey and lemon… on a whim, she decided to buy one to brighten up her cabin a little. It would only last a week or so, but it wasn't that expensive and she hadn't treated herself to much beyond the basic necessities before this. "I guess it's nicer to visit than to live here," she said to Avi as they left the florist shop. Just across the way, she noticed a vendor setting up a cart fresh fruit… real, fresh fruit!

He helped her push her way through the crowd to get to the vendor. "I hardly ever came up to the upper decks when I lived on Omega. Down Below is where folks like you and me lived and worked."

"It was like that on the New Sydney Station, too," she agreed, as she looked over the selection of fresh produce for something that looked familiar. "I never would have dared to even cut through the high end of the arcade, even if it was the shortest route to get to somewhere else. Security would've been all over anyone who looked like they didn't belong," she explained. The class divide on New Sydney was strictly enforced; it was better to take the long way around then tempt fate.

"The Security guards on Omega are pretty fair," Avi told her. "As long as you're not making trouble, they pretty much leave you alone."

She nodded; it hadn't seemed as if any of them who had been involved in that bar fight had come back from detention any the worse for wear. She'd seen what had happened to people on New Sydney who ended up in detention. Half of them ended up in sick bay, and it wasn't necessarily because of the other inmates. She was glad she hadn't lived there long.

Leah bought two pears and handed one over to Avi. "My treat," she said brightly. He nearly blushed. "Come on, it's just my way of saying thank you for coming out with me today. I don't reckon spending shore leave looking at flowers and over priced trinkets is your idea of fun."

"I really don't mind," he said again; even though she was unavailable, he liked spending time with Leah. Just the same, the pear was too tempting to refuse. It was crisp, juicy and sweet, kind of lemon-honey flavoured, like the scent of that flower she'd bought. "I can't wait until Lach gets his garden up and running," he commented as they continued down the corridor.

She was too busy enjoying her pear to do more than nod eagerly in agreement.

"So," Avi eventually nudged the topic of conversation back to his originally inquiry as they made their way, moving with the ebb and flow of the crowd, past shop after shop. "Captain Harkness…?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I hardly ever saw him. He was always in his office, I guess… or his cabin." At the time, she'd been just as glad not to see him. "I remember one time, though, we'd only been underway about a week. We were all running one shift… it was always Mr. Smeed on the bridge… anyway, I remember I couldn't sleep. The engines were something else – kicking out heat and noisy as anything – and I swear, it felt like my cabin was right on top of them!" Thank the Ancestors for Roberta Tolbert. She had worked a miracle on those engines, to get them quieted down to a dull throbbing hum. One could still feel it pulsing through the ship but at least it was quiet enough to sleep at night. "I figured a cool shower might help and no one had said that we weren't allowed to or anything. Since no one else was around that time of night, I was only wearing a t-shirt and shorts… and there he was, standing larger than life right out side the showers when I came out! He scared the shit out of me."

Although she was ashamed to admit it now, Leah had expected the Captain to take full advantage of the situation he'd found her in, wet, barely half dressed. She wasn't even wearing her boots, just a thick pair of socks to give her a little padding between the soles of her feet and the deck. He had given her a lascivious enough smirk for her to know exactly what he was thinking and there was no doubt at all as to what parts of her body he was eyeballing at, ever so appreciatively.

In the moment, she had considered just giving in to what she thought he wanted… not that saying no to the Captain was an option on any ship, but Harkness'? He was as well known for his volatile temper as James Smeed was known for being fair and even-handed. A Letter from a man like Jim Smeed was worth a six month job with a guy like Jack Harkness. Or so she'd hoped. Trapped in the corridor with him like that she remembered being suddenly not so sure…he could take whatever he wanted whether she gave in or not; if she tried to refuse, it would only hurt more.

"What happened?" Avi wanted to know.

"Nothing. He made some comment… I really don't remember what exactly, just that it made me turn six shades of red," she admitted. "Then he suggested that I get back to bed, shift started in a few hours and I might want to get some sleep… unless I'd rather go back to_ his_ bed and _not_ sleep." She felt heat rising in her cheeks at the memory. It wasn't just the memory of the way the Captain had looked at her, but at how scared she'd been of him. It seemed almost silly now. He would never have forced her to spread her legs for him right there in the corridor... of course she'd had no way of knowing that at the time.

Avi was giving her a speculative look, clearly wanting to know what had happened next.

"I… I took a chance. I told him I wasn't really interested in 'not sleeping' and prayed he'd take no for an answer. He did." Not that it was the worst proposition she'd ever had. Harkness was clean, he smelled good (two things not necessarily common out on the fringes), but she didn't want to get mixed up with the Captain. She didn't need the label 'Captain's Pet.'

"That was it?" asked Avi.

She nodded. She was sure he hadn't even touched her as she passed by him on her way back towards her cabin. Anyone else would surely have slapped her ass or made for a quick grab at her, made some lewd comment about what she was missing… made some issue of her refusal later.

She remembered she hadn't gotten any sleep at all that night she'd been so scared of what was going to happen. When she ran into him again the next day, she was sure she was in for it…

"_If you weren't going to sleep anyway, Miss Ali..." he remarked of the dark circles under her eyes… but then he just winked and sauntered on his way. _

"That was it," she told Avi. "He still made me nervous. He made us all nervous." But Tom was right, better to stay on with the Devil they knew than to take their chances somewhere else.

Besides, now it was like Harkness was a different person. He still flirted with the entire crew of course, that was just his nature, but it was as plain as anything that there was only one person he was seriously interested in going to bed with every night.

"Is there anyplace special you want to go?" she asked Avi then. "Anything you want to buy while we're still here?" They would only be on Omega another day or two.

He was about to say 'no' when they passed by a book store. "Mind going in there with me?" he asked hopefully. Even though he hadn't been planning on buying anything else -- he'd already purchased for himself a warm jacket, in case they ended up some place cold, a new second-hand sweater to replace the one that more patches than sweater, and a good pair of heavy duty work pants, along with some new socks and personal toiletries -- but it suddenly occurred to Avi that it might be a while before they were on another spaceport or a planet. Even with the rec room and the promise of the occasional Movie Night, days in space were long and potentially boring. Besides, how long had it been since he'd owned a book that all his own? How long had it been since he'd owned _anything _that was all his, something other than work clothes or personal necessities?

Leah beamed with pleasure at the prospect of going into the bookstore. . She'd wanted to go in herself, but was feeling guilty for dragging Avi up and down the arcade as it was. "I wouldn't mind at all, Mr Stasi," she grinned in answer to his question. She hadn't even known that Avi liked to read...


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"_The glue that holds all relationships together - including the relationship between the leader and the led - is trust, and trust is based on integrity."_

_**Brian Tracy**_

……………………………………………….

Anna helped herself to a couple of cups of coffee in the mess hall. The place was empty. Lach, Kai and Roberta were putting together tubs and rigging up lights for Lach's hydroponic garden. Tom, An and Carsten were working on the remodelling of the crew quarters. She wasn't sure where the Captain was. The last time she'd seen him, he and Kam were on their way to Omega on some sort of errand. The rest of the crew was on shore leave.

_But at the rate things are going, we'll have a garden before we leave Omega, and everyone will have his own cabin within the month,_ Anna smiled. Even those members of the crew who were off-duty were pitching in help with one project or the other. She'd had to remind Lach more than once that he needed to get some sleep; finally she started telling Kai that he needed to drag his lover off to bed and make sure that – eventually – he got a little shut-eye. Neither man seemed to object to her way of handling the situation of making sure the cook got some down time.

…………………………………………..

Jim Smeed leant back in his chair staring unhappily at the computer screen in front of him. He had always known that Julian Kyle was trouble, that he would never amount to anything good but… the sound of his office door sliding open made him jump.

It was Anna.

He breathed a deep sigh of relief; despite the fact that he knew Jackie was already off the ship, he'd expected it to be him. He wasn't ready for _this_ conversation with his Captain. His best friend. For once he had absolutely no idea how Jack was going to react to what he had to say. Truth was, he was still trying to process it, himself; even though he'd never expected anything good to come from Julian, there were certain crimes that he never would have expected even Kyle to be capable of.

"Hey…what's wrong?" Anna's smile faded when she saw the expression on Jim's face.

He hesitated… it wasn't exactly his place… but it wasn't like he'd discovered a secret either. He'd been searching a public bulletin board, something everybody in the galaxy had access to. Besides, Anna lived on this ship now, and she had more than the rest of them to lose if Julian Kyle found some way of dragging Jack into one of his schemes.

"Jim?" she asked again. "You ok?"

"Yeah," he lied. "I'm all right. C'm 'ere, though, and have a look at this," he motioned her over.

Anna set the pair of coffee mugs down on the corner of the desk and moved around to his side of it so she could see his computer screen.

She froze, recognizing first the official seal of Imperial Police, then the picture of the man on the screen. The picture was accompanied by the words:

**WANTED FOR QUESTIONING  
ARMED AND DANGEROUS**

It was the man James had gone to say hello to the last time they were on Omega, some old friend of Jack's he'd said… "Who is he?" she wanted to know now.

"His name's Julian Kyle," he said, although Julian's name was written in large bold print on the screen beneath his picture. "He and Jack go back a few years. He's here on the station, looking for 'im." He got up so she could sit. She looked like she needed to.

Under Julian's name was a list of the crimes he was wanted in connection with. The list was long.

Anna blinked up at him. "I... I don't understand." How could Jack be friends with a man who was wanted for murder, armed robbery, smuggling, black market trafficking of weapons, alien technology… alien life forms… _which is just another way of saying alien slave-trade,_ Anna thought bitterly. 

_How could Jack be involved with somebody like __**that!?**_

"Jim?" she looked up at him, desperate for some kind of explanation she could wrap her head around. The sullen look on Jimmy's face, in his eyes, told her there wasn't one.

It felt like her whole world was being sucked up into a black hole. Jack Harkness was the, best, most decent man she'd met in a long time…! There had to be some kind of mistake… she couldn't believe…

But even she knew that while unscrupulous, the Empire didn't fabricate something from nothing. They wouldn't waste their time looking – _actively_ looking – for someone unless that person had done something worthy of the effort.

The Empire certainly wasn't actively looking for _her_. There was a standing order to bring her back to the Inner Worlds for execution if she was ever found, ever arrested for something, but it wasn't an active search. She wasn't worth that much of the Empire's time. "What does he want with Jack?"

Jim just shrugged. "They're supposed to meet… well, right about now, I reckon. I don't know why they're friends, Anna, I just know they are," he told her. He took a deep drink from his mug. The coffee did little to warm him. He knew Jack would bend over backwards for anyone he counted as a friend, he just wasn't sure what Jack was going to do when he showed him this… he knew Julian wouldn't tell him. Jule knew how Jack felt about slavery, murder. Arms dealing.

"Some of this is new," Jimmy added then, trying to soften what he suddenly realized must be coming as a horrible blow to the doc. She had placed so much faith in Jack, so much trust... she'd had had so little of either of those when she first signed on. "We haven't seen Julian Kyle in years. Last time he was in trouble it was all little stuff," he told her. "A little thieving, some smuggling... mostly he was on the wrong side of some bad people, but he hadn't messed much with the Great and Bountiful." He'd thought Julian knew better than getting in that far over his head. Apparently he'd been wrong.

"So what do we do?"

"_We_ don't do anything," the pronouncement seemed to startle her. Her placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "I'll talk to the Captain. This is my responsibility. I never woulda showed you if you hadn't come in just as I found out about it myself…"

"Please promise me that if you ever find out something like this again… something bad… anything… that you won't keep it from me."

With a heavy sigh, he conceded. "All right. But this is my problem, Anna. You leave it to me to deal with Jackie."

Reluctantly, she nodded, silently hoping beyond hope that there was some plausible explanation for what this Julian Kyle had allegedly done, yet fearing that there wasn't.

Jim reached down and stroked her cheek ever so gently. "Listen t' me, Anna. One thing I know for sure, Jack won't do anything that puts this ship – his crew – at risk. And… even if he does decide to do something stupid… I won't let you get hurt. You have my word on that."

She let her cheek rest against his hand, closing her eyes. It was hard to trust anyone after so many years of looking over her shoulder, living like a fugitive, just because she'd wanted to do the right thing… but it was even harder to fight all the time, to be strong all the time. It felt so good to lean on someone else's strength, if only for a few moments… _Just please let me not have made a mistake in trusting Jack Harkness…_ because even though it was Jim she'd given her heart to, she needed to trust Jack as well. She needed for there to be good men left in the universe and she needed him to be one of them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"_The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."_

_**Martin Luther King Jr.**_

……………………………………………….

Kam shrank as far back into the shadows as possible. Having Julian Kyle's full attention on him was even worse than being ignored by the man. He had cold, intense blue eyes that seemed to pick out ever flaw the younger man knew himself to posses. It left him feeling as if he was being sized up for sale…

"Eh!" snapped Jack. "Did you get everything I asked you to?" Kam didn't notice the impatience in his tone or see the irritation that flickered across Jack's face.

Julian rolled his eyes, his attention (thankfully) diverted back to the Captain, at least for a moment. "Yes, Jack," he droned, his tone ripe with sarcasm. "I've even got some change for you. Probably more than if you'd done your own bloody shopping," he added in a grumbling tone.

Then Kam found the man's attention back on him; Julian winked, smirking, and glanced briefly back to Jack. "So, Old Man, are you going to introduce me to your pretty little friend?" he raised his brows at the young blond, seemingly undressing him with his eyes. "Or do I have to use my imagination?"

Kam swallowed but forced himself to stand his ground. He wasn't in Service any more…_I have nothing to be afraid of..._ he squared his shoulders as best as he could and met the man's gaze, all the while trying to convince himself that Jack wasn't about to dismiss him as nobody… _the rest of my life. He said he wanted me for the __**rest**__ of my life… _he would never have said something like that if he didn't mean it... But how would he introduce him…?

He held his breath, unaware of the smile that was playing across his Captain's lips.

"This is the _Welshman's_ pilot – and my _**partner**_," he emphasized the word, leaving no doubt as to his meaning, "Kamden Anders." He held his hand out to Kam; Kam took it, imediately lacing his fingers into the older man's as Jack pulled him in close. "Kam, this is Julian Kyle," the Captain continued. "Jule and I go back. _Way_ back."

"Watch it, Old Man," Julian retorted without missing a beat. However, "Since when does the infamous Captain Jack Harkness have a 'partner'?" he wanted to know. His tone betrayed his skepticism.

Jack snugged his arm around Kam's waist. "Since about five months ago," he pressed his lips to the young pilot's forehead in a clear and undisputable display of affection. He met Kam's gaze for just a second… held it. Smiled. That moment told Kam that he had absolutely nothing to worry about, nothing to be afraid of. The love in Jack's gaze was unmistakable. It was real.

Jack turned back to Julian. "Is that a problem?" he asked; the challenge in his tone was audible.

Julian seemed to consider the question a moment. He leant back against the table, studying the pair of them carefully. "Not by me," he finally said in a lazy sort of tone. "I just thought you were more of a play-the-field kinda guy." He knocked back the last of his drink.

When Jack made no comment, he gave Kam a second, more deeply appraising look. The younger man had no idea what he was looking for or whether or not he found it, but at length he straightened and extended his hand. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Anders." Something in his tone seemed to have changed. There was a sincerity that hadn't seemed to have been there before… Kam was sure his eyes looked less cold.

He accepted the man's handshake more readily than he would have a few minutes before. "Likewise. But please, call me Kam," he invited. "Any friend of Jack's is a friend of mine."

Julian shot him a sly grin, "Better watch it, Kiddo. Jack here has some pretty… _interesting_… friends," his brows shot up almost the same way Jack's did sometimes.

"I'm sure he does," Kam found the courage to return the other man's smirk with one of his own.

It only made Julian laugh; it wasn't an unkind laugh, Kam decided. "The Old Man always did have good taste," he said at length, as if that explained everything. "Any time you get tired of playing house with somebody old enough to be your…"

Jack cleared his throat. "What did you want to see me about, Jule?" he inquired, pulling Kam closer.

"Getting possessive in your old age?" Julian teasted him. He turned to Kam. "That's not a good sign, you know. It means he's up to something," he said in a conspiratorial tone.

"He's _always_ up to something," the younger man informed him. Kam had no idea just how much his tone just then reminded Jack of another young man, one with a Welsh accent and grey blue eyes.

Jack shot him much the same look he'd always shot in Ianto's direction over comments like that and asked Julian again what it was he wanted.

"For starters, you can buy me a drink."

…………………………………………………

Leah was sitting curled up in a comfortable old chair at the back of the bookshop reading the book she'd just purchased while Avi continued to shop. She really didn't mind; Kam had introduced her to some wonderful books off the Captain's shelf and she was enjoying reading the next book in the series on her own. She'd never owned a real book before, not the paper kind. The books she'd had previously were all electronic; but Kam was right, there was something comforting about the smell of wood pulp and ink.

She had become so engrossed in the story that she didn't notice the two men slip into the shop and make their way towards her on intentionally quite feet.

"We heard the _Welshman_ was back in dock," crooned a familiar voice.

Cold fear dripped down her spine as she looked up in to the unwelcoming faces of two of her former crewmates. "Ainley…Simm… wh-what are...what are you doing here?" she asked in a nervous tremor. They were two of the men who had chosen to break their contracts on the _Welshman _– and not get paid - after it was discovered that Torren Fletcher was dead, Leese was missing and a third man had been swiftly tried and convicted of rape and assault on Kam.

"We managed to find a job on a freighter," Simm's tone was no more friendly than his compatriot's. "Just got back in."

"Us to," she licked her lips, looking desperately around for Avi. Slowly, she got to her feet and began gathering up her things, carefully not turning her back on either of them. It didn't look like the shop's proprietor was at the front counter… she was alone.

"You still flying with your little Cyprian?" Ainley inquired in a darkly menacing tone. He stepped in closer.

Before she could answer – before she could even blink – she discovered a hand on her shoulder. Leah jumped at the suddenness of the touch. The hand was attached to a handsome young man with auburn hair and intensely dark eyes. He looked hardly older than Kam, but something about him made her shiver with fear more real than the fear she'd felt a moment ago, faced only with two former crewmates.

"Sorry to interrupt," his tone was civil. Cool. "But did you say you served on the _Welshman?_"

Leah gulped down a quick breath and nodded, wishing desperately for Avi to find his way back to her.

The auburn haired man turned away from her. "You boys won't mind if I borrow your friend here for a moment, will you? I have some… business…with her Captain."

They looked as if they were about to argue; they were bigger than he was… but then inexplicably they seemed to change their mind. They turned and left, almost as if in a daze, leaving Leah speechless.

Avi finally put in his appearance, coming around a corner with the shop's owner. It looked as if the older man had been helping him locate something.

Leah removed herself from the stranger quickly.

"You ok?" Avi laid both hands gently on her shoulders. She was shaking.

"I… I don't think so…"

"What's the matter?" the old man who owned the bookshop peered at her over the top of his half-moon spectacles.

"It was nothing, Mr. Turner," said the man with the auburn hair. "A bit of riff raff drifted in off the corridor. I suggested that they leave your customers alone."

"Leah?" Avi asked her again.

She swallowed… a moment ago, she would have sworn her 'rescuer's' eyes were nearly black. Now they were soft brown. "I… I'm sorry… I'm all right. Just a little shaken up. Those two men used to serve on the _Welshman_... the ship we're on," she added by way of explanation for the proprioter's benefit. "They… they didn't leave on very good terms," she added quickly. "Thank you, Mr…?" she asked of her rescuer.

"Henry Fitzroy at your service, Ma'am," he introduced himself with a genteel bow.

"Do… do you really know the _Welshman?_" she wondered. She was relieved, now, for the rescue.

"Quite well, in fact. And his Captain even better," he flashed the sort of smile that drove home his meaning.

"I have that book fixed up for you good as new, Henry," the shop-keep interrupted them. "Although I'll thank you to take better care next time. Books are _not_ meant to be read in the bathtub, no matter how pretty the girl you're reading to is!" His tone was one of scolding, as if his customer were some errant child.

Henry Fitzroy took it in stride, even managing to look as if he'd been rebuked – although he was clearly having a hard time not smiling. "I promise it won't happen again, Mr. Turner."

"You see that it doesn't. Just let me get these folks taken care of…"

"Take your time," Henry leant back against the arm of the chair formerly occupied by Leah Ali to wait.

She lingered a moment while Avi went to pay for his books.

Henry quirked an eyebrow.

"I… thank you. Again," she began sheepishly.

"It was the least I could do." Seeing her seeming to struggle to make small talk, Henry glanced at the book she'd been reading and smiled. "You've been borrowing books from Jack's library, I take it?"

"Kam lent it to me…he's…" she faltered.

"Your Captain's partner? Yes, I'm well aware of that situation. Miss…?" he held out his hand.

"Ali. Leah," she said quickly, accepting his hand; instead of shaking it, he merely held it a moment. "So you really… I mean… I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry…"

"I'm sure you don't," he chuckled softly, bringing the back of Miss Ali's hand up to his lips. "But if there's one thing I learnt from my father it was _never_ to kiss and tell," he winked as he brushed the back of her with his lips, causing Leah to blush.

…………………………………………………….

"What do you want?" Jack pressed again after the waitress dropped off their drinks. "_Besides _a drink," he added in a wry tone, lest Julian try to be clever.

He shot him a look. "You're starting to sound like James Smeed, Jack. It doesn't suit you."

The older man sighed and took a sip of his beer. Julian had been the one to bring over the extra chair from anther table so Kam could join them; it had won him a few brownie points in Jack's book… _but I still know you,_ he thought in the man's dirction. "What kind of trouble are you in this time, Jule?" he asked in a sombre tone.

"What makes you think I'm in trouble?"

"It's the only reason you would come looking for me."

Julian just grinned. "I was hopping you could give me a lift is all," he said lightly.

The Captain regarded him for a long, skeptical, moment. "Anywhere in particular?" he finally queried.

"Tonga Tav."

Jack set down the mug that had been half way between his mouth and the table without taking a second drink. He gave the younger man an incredulous look.

"I have a little unfinished business there," the other seemed to be putting great effort into keeping his tone casual. "It's no big deal."

"So why are you asking me?"

"Because you're the one person who can get me in and out of there without anybody being the wiser. Besides. I did your bloody shopping for you. At this point you owe me," he took a long draught of his ale.

Jack's eyes narrowed. "I think you'd better tell me what this is really about, Jule. The _whole_ story. And don't you think I won't ask Henry to verify it."

"I'm wounded."

"I'll bet you are." They both knew that Henry was still the best lie detector in the galaxy.

"Fine. But are you sure you really want the _whole_ story?" he glanced not-so-surreptitiously at Kam. Jack's tone surprised him.

"Yes," he said, slipping his hand onto Kam's, atop the table.

Without thinking – without having to think – the young pilot twined his finger's into Jack's. He shot him a soft, easy, almost shy little smile. The Captain's tone had surprised him, too… _but it shouldn't have,_ he told himself. He gave Jack's hand a squeeze and he squeezed it back. _He loves me._

Julian paused a moment, studying them, seeming to come to another silent conclusion. "All right, Old Man. But we'd better take this somewhere a little more private."

"We can go back to my ship. If you ask real nice, my partner here might even make you a pot of his coffee," he added with a smirk.

"It's clearly the only reason he loves me," Kam teased him in a dry tone, having no idea how hard a time Jack had from retorting that it was the suit... it wasn't the suit, not this time.

"It's more than the coffee," he winked, pressing his lips to Kams' forehead again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok, so this chapter ended up a little weird... or at least off track. In the middle of one conversation, a totally different one came out (darn Jack and Kam getting their own ideas about how things should go!!) Just the same, when all was said and done, I loved the result and didn't hit the delete button ;-) The quote that starts off the Chapter is entirely about THAT conversation, not what they're supposed to be talking about. (Don't you hate it when your characters hijack your story out from under you?)**

**Anyways, as always a HUGE thank you for those wonderful reviews! You guys really know how to make me feel good. THANK YOU!!!**

**And this was the last chapter sitting on my hard drive, so you guys might actually have to wait a couple of days for the next one... I really do have homework due on Wed. ;-)**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

"It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal."

~Author Unknown

………………………………………**..**

"Who is he, Jack?" Kam asked in a hushed, anxious tone as soon as Julian disappeared into their bathroom to take a shower.

He had listened to the other man's story about how he'd been smuggling aliens out of the Empire, smuggling them to some planet called Tonga Tav – some place Jack apparently was familiar with but he'd never heard of.

According to Kyle, the last transport of Tongans he'd rescued from one of the Sirius Colonies hadn't made it; he'd only barely survived himself. He had the scars to prove it. Julian didn't say exactly what had happened, just that one of his crew had set him up to collect a rather impressive reward on his head.

_"But why go back to Tonga Tav?" Jack had wanted to know; even to Kam it didn't make sense for Julian to go there. The Empire knew he'd been smuggling Tongans back to their home world. He'd gotten the idea that the Great and Bountiful was in and out of that part of space (wherever it was) a lot, even though he didn't gather that it was technically in Empire territory. Not that that had ever stopped the Great and Bountiful Human Empire from taking what it wanted._

"_I promised I'd do something for the ones who didn't make it, Jack," Julian told him. "I gave my __**word**__, Jack." His tone told Kam that that meant something to Julian. To Jack._

_Which was probably why Jack's answer surprised the other man: "I'm going to have to talk it over with Jimmy..."_

_"Since when do **you **have to discuss what you do with anybody?! Your ship, your rules, remember? That's what you** always** told me. Jack Harkness, law unto himself..."_

_"Things have changed, Jule," he cut him off. "The _Welshman_ has a perminant crew now. I'm not just making decisions for myself any more. There are men and women on this ship who trust me... who expect me to do right by them. I'll do what I can," he'd added. "But I'm not making any promises until I talk it over with my senior staff."_

_Although he'd seemed displeased, Julian had accepted the answer and asked if he could borrow the use of Jack's shower... _

Kam watched the older man settle into the sofa after Julian vanished into the bathroom; Jack was avoiding his gaze and looking uncomfortable. It was obvious he didn't want to explain his relationship with Julian Kyle… he chewed at his lower lip. Jack had always said he would tell him anything. What could be so horrible that he didn't want to talk about it?

After several moments of uncomfortable, uncertain silence had passed between them, Kam got up and started to make a fresh pot of coffee, just to give himself something to do.

"If you don't want to tell me, it's all right," he lied over his shoulder. Fibbed. It wasn't quite a lie… he wanted to know, but if Jack honestly didn't want to say, he wouldn't press him. _Trust,_ he told himself. _All relationships are built on trust_, and if he couldn't trust Jack, they didn't have any hope of making it together.

He'd didn't hear the older man get up and cross the distance between them, he just his felt his Captain's arms wrapping themselves around his waist; he held on tightly, almost as if he was afraid to let go. Afraid to lose him. Kam held on just as tight.

"It's really all right, Jack," he assured him in a firmer tone. "You don't have to tell me anything don't want to." It was less of a fib this time. Jack loved him. He knew he did. His past didn't matter. Nothing mattered but today. Tomorrow. _The rest of my life…_

Jack pressed a kiss into the younger man's neck. "I promised I wouldn't keep secrets from you, Sweetheart. Cariad," he said softly. "I want to keep that promise." His voice sounded shakey.

Kam turned in his arms so he could look him directly in the face… in the eyes. He read the trepidation, the anxieity there... he didn't understand it. "It's honestly ok," he said. This time he knew he meant it. Jack was literally thousands of years older than him. There was no way he could ever know everything about him, even if they did nothing for the rest of his life but sit and talk…

"No, it's not ok," said Jack as he drew him back to the settee. He eased them both down into the cushions, arranging them so that Kam was in his lap. "I gave you my word. I just… I don't want you looking at me differently," he admitted, not quite meeting his gaze.

"It's ok if he's some old boyfriend. I'm not going to get jealous. I was a little at first," he admitted sheepishly. "But… I'll be fine just as long as you tell me you don't want to sleep with him," he found himself chewing on his lip again. He wanted it to be ok for Jack to be with other people... and maybe some day it would be ok. But not today. No matter how much he tried to convince them both, he didn't want to share, at least not yet.

Jack brushed his fingers over his bruised, bloodied lip. "There's_ nothing_ for you to be jealous of, Sweetheart. I've known Jule since he was six years old and I promise you, there has _never_ been anything sexual about our relationship."

"Then who is he?"

Jack took a deep breath and let it out. "A hundred and sixty five years ago, I was involved with a couple… seriously involved. But I screwed up." He leant back, readjusting them into a more comfortable position. "Their names were Mari and Euwan Gyever. They were the first people I let myself care about like that after… after I buried…" the familiar hollow ache made his throat constrict on the words.

_Ianto Jones… Ianto Jones-Harkness. _He had never expected to love like that, but for those fourteen years… Jack closed his eyes against the tears he felt threatening to break free. It wasn't just Ianto. It was Kam. Julian. Jim Smeed, Anna, Roberta… it was the memory of Tosh… Owen… Bobby, Gwen, Abby, Tim, Sara. Wendy, Mickey, Martha… Seren… Jason. Estelle. Laura. His girls. Everybody he had ever known, everybody he had ever loved. Everybody who had ever loved him.

The gentle brush of Kam's lips against him told him the younger man understood. He always seemed to understand.

He had never asked for immortality. He didn't want it. But without it, he never would have met Ianto. He wouldn't be sitting here, now, with Kam. _Like the piece of the puzzle that had been missing for so long I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be this whole... _

"Mari and Euwan were the first people I let myself get that close to in a long, long time," he said at last. _I was just lonely. I never expected it to amount to anything. Please try to understand, I just wanted to stop hurting, just for a little while… I just wanted to try and be happy for a change… _

"I'm sure he would have wanted you to love again, Jack," Kam answered his unspoken fears. "I know I would. I wouldn't want you to be alone forever. Your life is too long. I love you too much."

_Promise me you'll love again, Jack. Don't close yourself off. Your life is too long. I love you too much… _Ianto's last words…

_Did you know?_ Jack wondered. _Did you know that some day… some__**how**__… _he brushed the bangs from Kam's forehead, studying the younger man, the missing piece of his puzzle.

"I love you, too," he said at length, his voice uncharastically soft. "I will _always _love you. I'll never, _ever_, forget you." _And if you come back to me again, I promise, I won't need Henry to hit me over the head to see you for who you are. I'll love you for… for whoever you happen to be, but I'll know you, I promise I'll know you if… if you come back again… Please come back...Yan... Kam... In fifty or sixty years when I have to say good bye to you again, please don't let that be the end of us. You're my one good thing, the memory I hold onto when I think I'm losing my mind because eternity is SO long._

Kam let his head rest Jack's chest, letting himself be held, holding on in return. Realizing that Jack was just as scared as he was sometimes. "I'll always be here, Cariad," the words seemed to come from nowhere. From somewhere deep inside. "I know you've got forever and I've only got these few short years, but… but I promise, I'll always be with you. Even… even when the last star goes out, Jack," he whispered aloud the words he'd only ever said in his head… in his dreams.

Swallowing back the lump in his throat at the familiar words, Jack leant forward and whispered a name in Kam's ear.

He blinked.

"Just… just so you know what it is," he explained.

The young man nodded, regarding him a moment, looking far older than his scant twenty years. He repeated the name. Once. Jack knew he would never say it again; Ianto never had. "I meant what I said, you know," he promised then. "About being there, waiting for you. No matter what it takes or what I have to do. I'll be there when it all goes dark, when all the stars finally go flying apart. I'll wait for you."

"You won't have to wait for the end of the Universe, Love," he said softly.

Kam looked up at him, startled.

"I have it on good authority that eventually I'm going to die," he said. "I'm not sure when – or where. But it's a long way off," he assured the younger man with a rueful smile. He hoped that Kam… Ianto… never ever saw him like that, a giant head in a jar. He was sure his vanity couldn't take it to have him… them… see him like that.

"Well whenever it is, just look for me. I'll be there, waiting for you."

"I know you will."

He leant up… Jack met the kiss half way, and closing his eyes he transported five hundred years into the past… he was sitting in the lounge of a house on a street in Cardiff… there was a beautiful Welshman in his lap, kissing him… _just remember that Ianto Jones existed, that he loved you more than anything… _ That was all Ianto wanted, not to be forgotten.

_I remember you. I will **always **remember you._

He could almost smell Ianto's aftershave… he could see… _teal…_He had let Ianto paint the lounge teal._ God what an awful colour! _

Of course the house was gone now. The street, too. Cardiff was still there, but it wasn't the same...

He let his fingers wander gently over Kam's face, silently taking in every detail, wondering how long it would be before he forgot what he looked like, too. He knew he would, there was no avoiding it.

_But I'll remember that you loved pineapple. I'll remember that your mother made you chicken and dumplings and that you drink orange jasmine tea. I'll remember reading Harry Potter with you._

_I'll remember what really matters._

At length, he continued with his original story, not at all sure how he'd gotten so side tracked, but not upset that he had. "Mari and Euwan were the first people I let myself get involved with after I lost Ianto," this time his voice didn't constrict on his name. "Then I got that message from John," _and if you had more of Ianto's memories, I'm sure you'd have something to say about __**that**__… _Ianto had never forgiven John.

"But he was already dead by the time it got to you," Kam remembered.

Jack nodded. "That didn't stop me from searching for him – for the _Janus and Hestia_. I let it consume me. I couldn't believe he was really gone. John was too clever to let himself get killed like that. My obsession with it was too much for Mari and Euwan. I don't blame them," he added firmly. "They wanted a future for the three of us. I wasn't willing to let go of my past. A few years after we split up, Mari contacted me. She told me that right after I left she found out she was pregnant. The baby wasn't Euwan's. They kept it anyway."

Kam blinked… nodded… as the meaning became clear. He glanced towards the bathroom door…

"He's my great, great, great grandson, Sweetheart. When he was six years old, he and his mom came to live with me for a little while."

"Does Mr. Smeed know?"

Jack almost laughed that that should be the first question out of his young – so painfully young – lover's mouth. "No. I met Jimmy a couple of months after they left to settle down on a quiet little farming planet," he smiled at the look on Kam's face. "Apparently the 'settled' life didn't sit well with Jule," he said. "He's a lot like me. I guess that's why I put up with so much from him."

The younger man gave him a disbelieving look. There were some similarities, sure, but…

"It took me centuries to grow up, Kam. If I hadn't had forever to do it in, I'd be just like him… well technically I'd be dead, but you get the idea," he smiled. He continued on in a serious tone, however. "The only person who knows who Julian is to me him – besides him and his mother – is Henry. And now you. I've never told anybody else."

Kam regarded him… to think that Jack trusted him with something that no one else knew but Henry! He realized Jack was watching him very intently. "What?"

"Julian is my thrice great grandson and he's twice your age…" that had to have an impact… didn't it? Didn't it bother him, at least a little?

"You said before that you'd had children, Jack. I didn't expect that you'd had any recently, but… I suppose… I mean… if you're trying to ask me if I'm upset by you having a great, great, great grandson who happens to be older than me, the answer is no, it doesn't bother me at all. Why should it?"

"I…I guess I thought it would." It would have bothered Jimmy… Jack knew it would have.

Kam leant in and gave him a fervent kiss that eased any linger doubts Jack may have had about whether or not hewas upset…

"Well I see _some_ things haven't changed, Old Man," Julian smirked at the pair as he came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel draped over his shoulders.

Jack just snickered and kept kissing his partner's lips. As far as he could tell, Kam didn't seem to mind…

The door chime sounded. With a heavy sigh, Jack eased the handsome young man off his lap and went to see who it was. He wasn't surprised to see James Smeed on the other side of his door looking particularly unhappy...


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you again for the lovely reviews so far! Just a little chapter... hopefully I'll have another one up in a couple of days ;-)**

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**Chapter Eight**

"_Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot.  
In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."_

**Oscar Wilde**

………………………………………**..**

Kam wasn't unaware of the way Julian Kyle was watching him, appraisingly, still trying to undress him with his eyes, as they exited the cabin – _after_ Jule had been ordered to get dressed. Kam had no doubts he would have wandered naked out into the corridor if they had let him. In that respect, the family resemblance was glaringly obvious; just like Jack, Julian had no shame.

The Captain had been reluctant to let Mr. Smeed marshal them out of the cabin, insisting that anything his First Officer had to say, he could say in front of both he and Kyle. The look on Smeed's face, however, was enough to convince Kam that it would be prudent to ask Julian if he wanted get a bite to eat in the mess. Discretion being the better part of valour, he had agreed.

"If it's all the same to you, I would prefer it if you stopped looking at me like that," Kam finally told him as they entered the mess. It was empty; like the populace of Omega, the crew of the _Welshman _was in between meal times, but Kam knew Lach would have something in the warmer for anybody who needed it. Although there were still established meal times, there was always the opportunity to grab a quick bite. Usually it was leftovers – not that anybody had ever complained about having to eat Lach's leftovers.

It was just one more way that life aboard the _Bonny Welshman_ had changed…

"Looking at you like what?" the other inquired, bringing Kam up out of his thoughts.

"Like you're wondering what I would be like in bed," he retorted in a crisp tone, trying very hard to mask the distain in his voice.

Julian ignored it. "Wouldn't you like to know what_ I'm_ like in bed?" he shot back with a smirk.

"Not particularly, no."

He seemed surprised.

The younger man took a breath and let it out. _I'm not in Service any more,_ he reminded himself. He could say no – or yes – to anyone he wanted to. He caught himself glancing down at his wrists anyway. There had been a time when 'no' wasn't an option. Some days he'd been called on to Service client after client without more than a few minutes in between to freshen up, change clothes, become somebody else's perfect fantasy.

_But I'm free now._ No one had the right to demand access his body. It was his and his alone to give away and there was only one person he ever wanted to give it to again. Jack might never understand it, but he wasn't interested in other lovers.

Julian leaned in close. "You know Jack isn't the monogamous type, Kam. You must know that," his tone was honey-sweet, silk-smooth. He didn't touch the younger man… he didn't have to. He was bare centimetres from him. "He wouldn't care if you…"

"Mr Kyle." He man put a respectable distance between them again. "Even if I were the slightest bit interested in having you bed me – which I'm _not_ – there is something entirely disconcerting about having my boyfriend's some odd-great grandson coming on to me. So please…"

Julian's expression stopped him mid-sentence.

"He told you that?" Kyle wanted to know.

Kam blinked, equally caught off guard. He was sure Jack had said Julian was well aware of who he was, of the familial relation they shared. "Yes, he told me," he hated it that his tone sounded so uncertain. Maybe he wasn't supposed to have let on that he knew…? _But Jack never said to keep it between just us… _he found himself chewing on his lower lip, hoping he hadn't betrayed some confidence.

The other man was still staring at him. "I though he said you've only been together for five months…?" he questioned.

"Y-yes," he cleared his throat. "Why?"

"You realize…" he shook his head. "What else did he tell you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" he paused, settling his hands on his hips, almost exactly the same way Jack did sometimes. "You realize he is old enough to be your great, great, great, _great _grandfather then, I take it?" he asked in an incredulous tone.

"To say the least." Did Julian not know how old Jack was…? But no, he was pretty sure that the look on his face said he did know, he just wasn't sure what _he _knew. "Jack promised never to keep any secrets from me, Julian," Kam told him, leading the way into the kitchen so they could get something to eat – and so they could finish the conversation where someone wasn't likely to walk in and overhear.

"I'm sure I don't know everything about him," he added over his shoulder. "You probably know Jack better than I do. But I know that there isn't anything he wouldn't tell me. Or anything I wouldn't tell him."

Julian opened his mouth as if to say something, then seemed to think better of it. At length he said – in a carefully neutral tone – that Jack and James Smeed had been together for over a year before he told Smeed any of the more 'interesting' details of his existence. "You know about him and Jimmy, I assume…?" he added with a speculative look.

"Yes," Kam kept his own tone carefully guarded. He couldn't tell if Julian had mentioned that to try and drive some sort of wedge between he and Jack, to stir things up between them, or if he was taking him at his word he and Jack had no secrets from one another.

He opened up the warmer and pulled out a couple of plates of left over quiche. He wasn't hungry any more, but he'd barely eaten any lunch and he had the feeling that with the way things were going, it might be a while before he got to eat dinner.

"You know," said Julian, leaning up against the counter, "_that_ was the longest relationship he's been in, at least that I ever heard about." His tone was entirely too casual to be sincerely so.

Kam ignored the obviously pointed comment. Mostly. _But he loves me,_ he told himself in the firmest internal voice he could muster.

Of course, he must have loved James Smeed, too. He must have loved Julian's great great great grandmother… the nagging little voice in the back of his mind demanded to know what made him think _he_ was so special, what made him think he was so much better than those people, what made him think he was better or more special than the man who had died on the _Janus and Hestia. _He didn't have an answer.

_Maybe the only thing special about me is that I'm not going to leave him, at least not like they did._ And maybe for Jack, that _was_ special. _Maybe he just needs to know that I'm not going to run out on him. _He remembered the look on Jack's face when he'd told him he would always be there… _hope… __**love**_…

He had asked him once how long he and Mr. Smeed had been together; it was just a curiosity question. Jack said they'd been lovers for about year before they started to drift apart, presumably over the Captain's more mercurial tendencies. But taking into account what Julian had just told him, it seemed to Kam as if there might more to it than that. It would certainly explain why Jack was always acting like he was treading on broken glass whenever the subject of his immortality or his age came up.

Julian was still watching him. His expression was different than it had been before, however. Kam couldn't read it.

"I'm planning on sticking around for a lot longer than a year, if that's what you're asking," he told him at last.

The other just shrugged. "I guess time will tell."

"I'm sure it will," he walked past him towards the mess… Anna was sitting at a table drinking a cup of coffee. Her expression darkened when she saw Julian Kyle come out of the kitchen, just a couple of steps behind the _Welshman's_ young pilot…


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you, again, everyone! Yes, smacks upside the head to Julian are absolutely permitted ;-) And Carrie… read this and get back to doing whatever you're supposed to be doing (although really, *I* should be doing my homework…. Blegh.)**

**Thanks again, gang. I appreciate all of you so much.**

Ok… it looks like Fanfiction has organized the crossover section. I'm going to start moving my crossovers to the appropriate category… Short Stories will stay in the main Torchwood fic section, because it's mostly Jack and Ianto. Anything else that *should* move will. It'll probably take a couple of days.

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**Chapter Nine**

"_The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people."_

_**Martin Luther King Jr.**_

………………………………………

Jack crossed his arms over his chest and leant back against his desk; he gave the grizzled old spacer across from him an appraising look. "All right," he said to his First Officer, his long time friend, his former lover, as the cabin door slid shut behind Julian and Kam. "What has Jule done this time?"

They'd done this dance before, at least half a dozen times that Jack could remember. James had little to no use for Julian and the truth was, he didn't entirely blame the man. But whether Jim knew it or not, Jule was family. He had promised his mother a long time ago that he would look out for him no matter what he got himself into. And Julian was certainly capable of getting himself into trouble. What he'd told Kam was true; Julian reminded him a lot of himself.

Jule was a conman, a thief, a rogue… Jack blamed himself for at least part of that. He had tried to set a good example (and deep down he knew he'd succeeded, even though it wasn't glaringly obvious to Jim Smeed), but he knew the kind of life he'd been living when Julian and his mother first came to stay with him.

There were certain lows he would never sink to, of course, but he hadn't lost his touch. He knew how to run a con if he had to, he was just a lot more particular about what he was willing to deal in. _Definitely __**never**__ touching medical supplies again,_ he mused. No drugs, no weapons, no serious larceny… if a few Empire goons got cheated, well… he was probably doing someone somewhere a favour.

Jimmy's voice brought him back to the present. "He's wanted by the Empire, Jack," he said; his tone was cold.

The Captain nearly rolled his eyes. "In case you've forgotten, so are we. So's Anna," he replied in an exasperated tone. Half of the people on Omega were probably wanted by the Great and Bountiful for one thing or another. Amongst other things, it was a crime to be poor, homeless. Jobless. Those things didn't exist any more, or so the Empire wanted it's loyal citizenry to believe.

"This is serious, Jackie. It's not just his usual petty bull shit."

At that, the older man did roll his eyes. The last time they'd seen Julian, he'd double-crossed Dal Jugga Veen of Thoros Beta. Veen was the kind of 'guy' (short, fat and bright green, like the rest of his species) that made the Slitheen family look down right friendly, honest folk who were pleasant to be around.

Jack had only been able to get Julian out of_ that_ mess by volunteering to let Veen kill him instead, an act of heroism the Thoros Betan seemed to respect. It still hadn't been one of the most pleasant ways he'd ever died. And _then_ he had to escape unnoticed…

"I wouldn't exactly call Jule's last… escapade… petty bull shit," he couldn't help the tone in his voice. He and Jim had argued about it repeatedly, even though his First Officer knew he couldn't actually be killed.

What Jack didn't realize – what he had never fully realized – was that before that moment, Jim thought Julian knew nothing of the Captain's immortality. He had always assumed that Henry Fitzroy was the only other person Jack trusted enough to let in on that secret. He would never openly admit to being jealous, of course…

"Jackie, if the Empire even _**thinks**_ that Kyle's been anywhere near the _Welshman, _they'll be all over us!"

"There's nothing to link Jule to this ship and you know it. I doubt the Empire knows where he is – if he thought they were on his neck, he wouldn't still be on the Station," he said to the look on his friend's face.

"Jack…" he shook his head. It was more than that. A lot more. He pulled up the information he'd found earlier on Jack's computer and let the older man read it for himself. "Slave trading, Jack," he said at last. "He's gotten himself involved in slave trading. Please don't tell me you're going to just look the other way this time."

……………………………………………………

"Maybe we should head back to the ship," Avi suggested as he and Leah made their way down the over crowded corridor. She was trying to convince him otherwise, but he could see the way she kept scanning the crowd for familiar, hostile, faces.

She shook her head. She wasn't about to ruin his liberty, possibly their last chance at shore leave, just because she kept peering around corners, expecting to see Ainley and Simm, or someone else who might hold a grudge against her and the current crew of the _Welshman_. "I'll be all right."

"We should let the Captain or Mr. Smeed know what happened, Leah," Avi pressed the matter, "in case those guys try to start something with someone else."

She sighed. Leah had been taught growing up that a person took care of their own problems, they don't go running to the Captain with them. The Captain wasn't interested, he didn't care. Why should he?

_I'll bet it was thinking like that that got Kam into so much trouble,_ she thought, more than a little ashamed of herself, for her own lack of action on the young Pilot's behalf. _If he'd gone to Harkness sooner_… but what hope could Kam possibly have had that the Captain would do anything to help him? _It wasn't as if any of the rest of us were willing to stand up for him; why should he have expected Captain Harkness to? _Kam had had no reason to think that anybody cared. _We didn't give him any._

Yet despite everything, Kam had forgiven her. He'd forgiven Tom and Kai and Roberta, too. Leah wasn't at all sure she could have been so generous.

"Maybe you're right," she said at length. "But I'd like to find Liza and Anneke first. Those guys don't know them, but it would be pretty easy to find out who signed onto the _Welshman_ after they left."

"Any idea where either of them were headed?"

"Liza said something about getting a new pair of boots before we left."

Avi nodded; there were only a couple of places Liza would have gone to get new footwear.

………………………………………………………………

Kam greeted Anna with a smile, despite the icy expression clouding her face. He could take a good guess as to the cause; she was probably already privy to whatever had upset Mr. Smeed. He suspected that it had something – everything – to do with Julian Kyle.

Just the same, he realized that in volunteering to escort Julian down to the mess he'd agreed to act as his host in Jack's stead. He was determined to be a good host, no matter _what _Julian was like, which at the moment was confusing… _perhaps with a dash of annoying,_ he thought impenitently.

He made the introductions, even though he was sure that for at least Anna, they were unnecessary. "This is Julian Kyle," he told her in a polite tone. "He's a friend of Jack's. Julian this is Dr. Anna Raynor, our medical officer."

Anna got to her feet out of polite deference to Kyle, who at the very least was the Captain's guest. She kept one eye on Kam, trying to read his body language. It was impossible to say what he was feeling about the man standing next to him.

Julian's smile, however, was disarming. "A real doctor," he crooned. "And a pretty one, at that," he added with a wink, brows raised slightly. Flirtatiously.

She felt heat rising in her cheeks; she accepted the hand he offered her more from habit than any real desire to have the man touch her. "I wouldn't know about that," she murmured in reply to his comment.

He chuckled softly and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I would be surprised if no one had ever told you how beautiful you are, Dr. Raynor," his tone was frighteningly sincere. It left Anna with the feeling he could charm the stripes off a tiger… or the last morsel of food off a starving man's plate. A part of her wanted nothing more than to extricate herself from the situation, from Julian Kyle's company, but she couldn't leave Kam – and she couldn't believe that Jack had left him – alone with a man like that.

"I see by your expression that my reputation precedes me," he continued to smile, setting his plate down at her table even though he hadn't been invited to join her. "I don't mind," he assured her. "Assuming you're willing to give me a chance to tell you my side of the story, it only means I get to spend more time in your company."

"I'm sure it's really none of my business," she said.

"Ah, but I'm sure it _is_," he retorted in a smooth tone. "Besides, I have no secrets on board Jack's ship. Other than the ones only Mr. Anders here knows," he shot a conspiratorial wink in the younger man's direction. He seemed well aware of awkwardness Kam suddenly felt, wondering what Anna was going to think of that comment. "I'm curious, though," he went on, "if you don't mind my asking of course – what's a real doctor doing out on the fringes working on a ship like the _Welshman_?" the man's tone betrayed nothing but honest, almost innocent, sounding curiosity. "I know Jack doesn't pay his crew _that_ well. Or if he does, maybe it's time for me to remind the Old Man that he promised me a job, if I ever wanted it," he smirked.

Anna still wanted to bolt, but she refused to abandon Kam, who was looking increasingly uncomfortable in the situation. So instead she sat back down, issuing a tacit invitation for the other two to join her (although it was clear Julian had intended to do so all along.)

The older man waited for Kam to sit before taking his own seat, a courtesy that was lost to Anna; Kam picked up on easily enough, he just didn't know what to make of it. _Confusing and more than just a touch annoying,_ he repeated to himself.

"I suppose it's only fair to listen to your side, Mr. Kyle," the medic conceded at length, choosing to ignore his question about her past and promising herself that she was going to take whatever he had to say with a very large grain of salt. Julian Kyle was too much of a charmer, too smarmy, to be any good.

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you that the Empire has a way of twisting things, Dr. Raynor," he began, his tone shifting again in a way that Anna only barely perceived.

Kam noticed though. It was like at Bessie's, how Julian had come to some silent conclusion about him and shifted from someone Kam wanted nothing more than to get away from to someone less… slimy.

Anna nodded to indicate that she was listening.

"I also don't imagine I have to tell anyone who was involved in the medical field about the sorts of things that happen to other species at the hands of the Great and Bountiful?" it was an honest sounding question.

"I…" she hesitated. "I don't have any first hand knowledge," she told him.

"You should be glad."

Anna frowned, having finally noticed the difference in his tone. His body language. Like a mask had been dropped… _or put on_, she reminded herself. "I'm sure I've heard the same things you have," her tone was chilly. He was accused of smuggling aliens into the Empire… that meant to private dealers … private zoos… private labs. Her work had kept her far away from that sort of research, but that didn't mean she didn't know what happened to non-humans unlucky enough to get caught by the Empire. Private companies were no better.

"I was smuggling aliens out Empire territory, not into it," said Julian, accurately assessing the assumption her dislike of him was built on. "I doubt it reads as much in my record," he added. "And you only have my word to go on, so I don't expect you to believe me." He shrugged and took a bite of his quiche, looking as if he really didn't care whether she believed him or not.

"Why would you do that?" Kam wanted to know. "Why get involved in something that dangerous?" Most of the people he'd met, with the exception of Jack… Anna… preferred to turn the other way when they saw something like that, even when they knew how wrong it was.

Kai, Tom, Leah… they'd stood by and watched Fletcher… Lesse… the others… terrorize him… hurt him over and over because they were too afraid to say or do anything to stop it. Roberta was the only one who had tried, at least a little, at least to make Leese let him take a shower… He doubted he was the only person who had ever suffered while others stood by and watched. He didn't blame them, it was just the way things were. _Apathy_, Jack had called it. He said the worst thing a person could do was to stop caring about other people – alien species.

But when people spoke out against the Empire, _acted_ against the Empire, they ended up like Anna. Fugitives.

Julian's expression was difficult to read. "The worst thing a man can do in this life is to be apathetic to the world around him, Kam," he suddenly sounded just like Jack. "When people do nothing…_ say_ nothing… _that's_ how men and women like the ones who run the Empire get into power. It's how they stay there. Even if it doesn't get any better in one man's lifetime," he added with a sly little smile, seemingly a clear indication Jack had told him what he'd once told Kam, Anna, "that's no excuse to sit back and do nothing."

She cleared her throat, looking almost as uncomfortable as Kam. "So what exactly have you done?" she wanted to know.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

"_I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."_  
_Jimmy Dean_

* * *

Julian put down his fork and regarded the doctor a moment before speaking. "Tongans stand about a metre tall, Dr. Raynor. They're weaker than humans. Less…" he groped for the right word, "…sophisticated, I suppose. They're not stupid, just… simpler, a tribal people," he explained. "Mostly they're a peaceful lot, although they don't like outsiders much. Of course that might be because we humans were the first outsiders they encountered. So far we haven't set a very good example of what the universe can be like."

Anna gave him an odd look; for a second there, he had sounded almost like Jack.

Julian either didn't notice or ignored her expression. "The Tongans _can _defend themselves," he said, "just not against the armoured troops the so called Great and Bountiful Human Empire sent in to capture them."

"What did the Empire do that?" Kam wondered. "I mean... what could the Tongans have that the Empire would want?" He was suddenly reminded of just how uneducated he really was. It wasn't just compared to Jack… his formal education had stopped when he was taken into Service. He could read, right, add, subtract… he could fly the ship because of his mother… he chewed his lower lip.

He knew what everybody knew, that the Empire had prospered on the backs of other species, those aliens it considered inferior, but the Tongans didn't sound like they would be very good at any sort of manual labour or anything else he could imagine the Empire wanting them for. He cast an uncertain glance in Julian's direction, wondering what the man would make of his obvious ignorance, but there was nothing in his expression to give away his thoughts.

Under the table, Anna found the younger man's hand and gave it a little squeeze. It didn't help. "These Tongans of yours don't sound like a species the Empire would be interested in," she expressed Kam's question more eloquently, inadvertently making the him feel more self conscious than ever. She had truly intended to help, to back him up, as well as express her own skeptism of Julian's story, but her easy ability to express herself made him feel like a stupid little kid.

Julian favoured the doctor with a wry smile. "The Tongans are natural empaths, Dr. Raynor," he said. "Natural _telepaths_," (it was obvious to Kam that the pronouncement meant something to her, even if he wasn't sure what was so bad…or good… about that. He wasn't even sure if it was bad or good.) Julian was still speaking: "The weakest Tongan telepaths are stronger than the strongest human telepaths I've ever run into. And believe me, in my… line of work… I've had my fair share of run-ins with Empire trained telepaths."

"And what exactly _is_ your line of work?" she inquired.

Julian smiled in response to her question. "I make my living doing what I have to, to get by. Not entirely unlike your Captain," he added with a raised eyebrow.

A sour look darkened her features.

"Exactly how well do you know Jack Harkness?" Julian inquired of her, an entirely too innocent tone of voice.

Kam felt his jaw tightening; it was one thing for him to try and put a wedge between he and Jack, something that would _**never**_ happen (he hoped…he knew it wouldn't happen on his end… but Jack…_the rest of my life,_ he reminded himself... Jack had promised him the rest of his life. He wouldn't break that promise. He couldn't.) But for Julian to try and drive a wedge between the Captain and the rest of the crew…

"I know the Captain more than well enough, thank you," Anna surprised them both by saying. Her tone left no room for argument.

Julian just smiled, as if something in the answer pleased him. Or perhaps it just amused him. It was too hard to tell. He finished off the last of his lunch.

"The Tongans I was smuggling out of the Sirius Colonies were being held in a research facility," he said, in a casual tone; something about it sent shivers up and down Kam's spine. "The Empire wants to find out what makes the Tongans tick, Dr. Raynor. They will do so by whatever means they deem necessary."

Suddenly neither Anna nor Kam were interested in their coffee… their lunch.

…………………………………………….

Jack heaved a heavy sigh, straightening away from the computer screen. "Jule told me that the Empire was looking for him," he said, even though Julian hadn't quite put it in those words. Jack was good at reading between the lines, especially when it came to Julian Kyle. "I don't believe he's involved in slave trade – at least not like this."

"Jackie…"

"James, I know Julian." He took a breath and let it out, moving to sit on the edge of his own desk. This time that wasn't going to be good enough and he knew it. "I've known him since he was a little kid, Jimmy. I practically raised him. I know he's no choir boy, but if he tells me that he was smuggling aliens out of the Empire, I believe him."

Although Jim seemed startled by the revelation of exactly how long Jack had known Julian, he remained visibly skeptical of the younger man's story.

"Do you want me to ask Henry to question him?" asked Jack.

Smeed's eyes narrowed. He'd never quite been sure what to make of Fitzroy, but he _had_ witnessed him question a man on Jack's behalf before. Once. Only once. It was enough to convince him that the artist was neither some run of the mill telepath nor completely human. He couldn't be. Not that either would be a surprise where Jack was concerned.

Whatever he was, however, Fitzroy had compelled the truth out of the other man and then made him forget the entire incident. It had scared the living shit out of Jim; he didn't particularly look forward to being a witness to a similar session, even with someone he disliked as much as he disliked Mr. Kyle. However… "If you think Julian will sit still for it," he said at last. If Jack was willing to subject Julian to Henry's…whatever it was… he was willing to accept Fitzroy's judgement.

"Julian will do whatever I tell him to," said Jack. He grabbed his jacket and headed for the mess with James on his heels…

……………………………………………………

Although Henry seemed to be making every attempt to hide his ire, it was clear that he wasn't at all pleased with by the appearance of the extra people on his doorstep. "Should I ask Katy to boil more pasta?" he greeted Jack and his entourage in a cool tone.

"Not everyone is staying for dinner," the Captain assured him in a tone no less warm, although it wasn't Henry who was on the receiving end of his irritation. Then, in an apologetic tone he added, "I should have called ahead. I'm sorry." It wasn't an afterthought. He honestly hadn't known how to explain the situation, so he had just brought Jim and Julian with them. He was only grateful that Anna hadn't wanted to bear witness. Whatever the conversation had been before he'd arrived in the mess, it seemed to have left her shaken. She was happy to excuse herself back to the infirmary.

England's former almost-Crown Prince moved aside to allow little party entry into his home; Katy stepped out of the kitchen to see what was going on. She greeted her lover's guests with practiced warmth. "I see you've brought some friends," she said in Jack's direction, her smile never wavering.

Henry made the introductions. "You remember Jack and Kam of course… and Julian." He favoured Jack's descendant with a brief smile. The apple had_ not_ fallen far from the tree with that one. Even without knowing what Jack wanted of him, he could take a few educated guesses. He was sure that the grimace worn by the Captain's First Officer bore out his assumptions. "And this is James Smeed," he continued, smoothly.

Katy nodded at each in turn, again with practiced warmth.

"Gentlemen, may I present Miss Katherine McIntee – Katy to most of her friends."

She blushed just a little under gaze and the formality of his introduction. "Honestly, Henry. At this rate we'll never get dinner on the table," she scolded him gently, though the affection in her tone was apparent. "When you were growing up people must've starved to death on the threshold just getting through the how-do-you-dos."

He chuckled softly as she excused herself to make her escape back to the kitchen. It was the one room in his apartment that had seen the least use in decade or so he'd been living on Omega. But now with Katy as what he hoped would be a truly permanent fixture in his existence, it seemed to get more use than almost any other room. The fact brought him a happiness that had been absent from his 'life' for a very long time.

He allowed his gaze to return to his guests, particularly James Smeed. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked, almost needlessly.

"I need a favour," said Jack.

Despite his irritation, Henry's brows shot up lasciviously. "Really now? I thought we agreed this was just dinner," he said with a smirk.

The Captain's eyes twinkled with mischief, although he cleared his throat attempting to hide it. Kam was the only in the room who wasn't fooled. He rolled his eyes slightly but refrained from comment.

Still, Henry caught the reproachful look in the younger man's expression, and half expected him to ask, in a deadpan tone, that he not get Jack started… it made him realize how much of Ianto was really alive in the young pilot. That too made him happy.

Jack gave the young man a quick sidelong look before returning his attention to Henry, having expecting the same thing. However: "I need you to verify Julian's story, Henry. For Jim," he added.

He looked from Jack to James Smeed and back again, as if debating the merit of the request… or maybe just making them wait for an answer because he was less than pleased by the intrusion. "All right," he agreed at last. "We can use my studio… Kam?" he asked the younger man, wondering if he was going to be joining them.

"I… really… it doesn't matter. I'll trust whatever Jack says."

That earned him a smile from Henry and Jack both. It was Jack's smile that Kam returned, however, as he reminded himself again that Jack had promised him the rest of his life.

"Why don't you join us?" Henry suggested in a gentle tone, drawing his attention back to the rest of the room. "There's something I wanted to show you anyway."

Kam gave a startled look… but no clues were forthcoming. Henry merely gestured for his guests to precede him towards a door on the opposite wall of the room…


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"_Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for thofse who love, time is eternity."_

Henry Van Dyke

* * *

Kam had never been inside a real artists' studio before, so he wasn't sure what to expect… then again, he'd never been anywhere before… but even that glum thought wasn't enough to completely take away from the wonder he felt as he gazed around at Henry's work. There were paintings and sculptures of all sizes everywhere. Marble (or at least Kam assumed it was marble, he'd never seen real marble before), metal, and clay… water colours, oils, acrylics, pencil drawings… he'd never seen so many beautiful things all in one place! Most of the pieces littering the room were finished. A few were in still progress. Some were covered by cloth, but it was obvious that Henry was gifted.

The touch of the artist's cool hands on his shoulders reminded him that he was gaping. They weren't here for him to gape, they were here because Mr. Smeed didn't trust Julian. He wasn't really sure what that had to do with Henry, but he felt heat rising in his cheeks as he realized they were waiting on him.

"You can take all the time you like to look around later," he promised in a soft tone, his expression betraying nothing but gentle kindness. It was the same gentle kindness he had shown when he was taking care of Kam. It brought a rush of bittersweet memories back to the younger man.

He had been so sure Jack was gone… dead… but then he was there. He was there and holding him, telling him that he loved him… telling him it would all be all right. He glanced in Jack's direction, but he seemed preoccupied at the moment. Kam tried not to let it bother him.

Henry turned around to face the others, "Gentlemen," his tone was cool. "If you'd like to take a seat," he invited with a nod. There were two stools… an old couch.

Jack took the couch, inviting Kam to join him with a look. The young pilot pulled in close, having no idea how happy his presence made the older man feel. He only knew how good _he _felt, just to have Jack's attention for that few seconds. To have his arm over the back of the cushions behind his head; it wasn't the same as having Jack's arm around his shoulders, but it allowed him to sit right up against him.

Mr. Smeed positioned himself on the Captain's other side, standing next to the settee, his arms crossed over his chest. That left only the two stools. Julian Kyle sat down on one of them without protest; he hadn't protested when Jack told him where they were going, either.

The artist took the other stool and sat facing him. "What exactly did you want to know?" he inquired over his shoulder of no one in particular.

"What he's up to," Smeed answered briskly.

"Do you think you could possibly narrow the field a bit, Mr. Smeed?" Henry queried.

"Jimmy doesn't believe Jule's story about smuggling aliens," said Jack. "I'd like you to verify it. If you don't mind."

Henry shot him a glare that clearly indicated he _did _mind. Just the same, he turned to face the man sitting opposite him. "You know I'll know if you're lying. I _will _compel the truth out of you if you do."

Kam swallowed; there was genuine menace in the artist's tone. It surprised him; he wouldn't have expected Henry capable of it. It made him wonder what exactly he was going to do, what he could do, if Julian decided to lie to him. Jule gave him the impression that he might, just for the sake of it.

"Why do I feel as if I should have a light shining in my face, maybe rubber hoses…" he began with a smirk. Then, when no one laughed, he carried on in a more serious tone. "I won't lie, Henry. I didn't lie the first time I told you the story. I didn't have any reason to," he added, levelling a dark look at James Smeed. "I was smuggling Tongans out of a research facility in the Sirius Colonies. I shouldn't have to tell you how dangerous that was." Sirius was near the heart of the Empire. "The Empire got wind of what I was doing. They put a price on my head."

"Smuggling these Tongans to where?" James inquired, obviously still not believing that the younger man could possibly have been up to anything good.

Julian gave him a dark, angry look. "Back to Tunga Tav," he replied. He shot Henry a quick glance; the other nodded. He continued, "Everything was going according to plan, but then…" he took a breath and let it out. "The last group didn't make it," he said simply. "One of my men sold me out for the reward – or at least that's what I've been assuming. I suppose it's only conjecture. I sure as Hell know somebody set me up, though. Since not too many people knew, it makes sense that it was one of my guys. I lost six people by the way. Six friends." He levelled an icy blue-eyed stare at the _Welshman's_ First Officer.

"Six humans and a dozen Tongans died while I watched, helpless to _do _anything about it. They _trusted_ me," he said. "They all… they died. I lived." he wiped the moisture from his cheeks. "I have never, _ever_, been a part of any slave trade, Jimmy. I resent… damn it!" he lost all remaining semblance of composure. "I know you've always been jealous of me and Jack, but I resent this… I resent the implication! I am _**not **_a slave trader—!"

"All right, that's enough," Jack was on his feet, closing the distance between he and Julian.

When tried to wrap his arms around him, the younger man pushed him away. "I expected _you_ to believe me, Jack," he told him, anger lacing his tone. "I don't give a shit what he thinks, but _you_… you know me, Old Man. You know me better than anybody."

Suddenly Kam saw Julian as a hurt, angry child looking up to the only father he'd ever known, someone he had clearly had expected would take him at his word. The depth of his hurt was still well hidden, despite the anger that had loosed itself from his control, but the pilot could saw it clearly in his eyes.

"I _do_ believe you, Jule," Jack assured him softly. "I didn't need Henry to tell me you weren't lying. You've _never_ lied to me," he placed his hands on the younger man's shoulders. Julian let him; he regretted letting things get as far as they had. He should have believed… he should have known better.

"It is the truth, Jack," Henry told him anyway. His ire seemed to have dissipated in the wake of the tumult of Julian's emotions.

"Are you sure?" Smeed wanted to know.

The artist levelled a dark glower in Smeed's direction. "**Yes**_**,**_" his tone was bitter cold again. "Now. If there's nothing else...?" he inquired of his guests with a raised brow.

"No," said Jack. "I'm sure we've kept your Katy waiting long enough. Thank you Henry."

He nodded his acknowledgement without saying anything.

Kam stole half a glance at Mr. Smeed. Smeed didn't seem fully convinced of Julian's innocence, but it didn't look as if he was going to challenge Henry. For his part, the young pilot was glad. Even if it wasn't being directed at him, it was obvious that Henry had a dark side that was even scarier than Jack's. Kam never wanted to be on the receiving end of his anger.

As they started to make their way to the door, the artist laid a hand gently on his arm, staying him where he was. When the younger man looked him, though, the darkness seemed all but vanished… he relaxed.

Jack shot over a questioning look.

"We'll just be a moment," Henry answered his unspoken query. "If you don't mind…?" he asked of Kam.

He shook his head. "Of course not," he said honestly. He waited until the others had exited the room before asking Henry if he could ask him a question.

"As long as you think you want the answer," he replied smoothly.

The statement made Kam smile, although he wasn't quite sure why. Every instinct told him he should be afraid of Henry, but he didn't know how to be afraid of someone who had been so kind to him. He trusted Henry too much. "How did you know Julian was telling the truth?" he wondered.

"May I ask, first, if you believe his story?" Henry asked in return, guiding them over to the couch so they could sit comfortably.

"Yes. I do."

"Why is that?"

Kam hesitated. The question wasn't a challenge; it sounded like an honest inquiry, but he wasn't used to anyone but Jack doing that. No one else had ever asked him what he wanted. No one had ever cared how he felt about anything.

He bit his lower lip, glancing quickly at his wrists, wishing suddenly that he'd worn long sleeves instead of a t-shirt. But he'd remembered the way Henry's gaze drifted appreciatively over him before, when he came into Bessie's in a t-shirt… he wanted the other to find him pleasing. Not because he wanted him, or because he wanted Henry to want him, but because he wanted to reflect well on Jack. He wanted to be someone Jack could be proud of, someone he wanted to have on his arm, so when he'd been given a moment to change for dinner, he'd taken it to put on a clean shirt…

Henry's fingers on his face were cool. Soft. His expression gave the younger man the impression that he could see right through him, that he understood every thought going through his head. His tone, however, was kind. Soothing. "You've nothing to be ashamed of, Kam. No one is judging you here."

Kam still couldn't meet his gaze. "I… you know where I came from, Henry. You know what I was."

"And I know that none of that was your fault."

"I… I guess… I just feel like…like it was," he shook his head. Henry was right. It wasn't his fault. He knew it, but sometimes what his brain knew and his heart felt were different things and his heart could feel so guilty for things over which he'd had no control. "For so long so much depended on being able to read other people," he decided to stick to answering the other man's question. "I had to know what they wanted. Clients, I mean. I had to be able to do it without having to be told to. I had to be able to read people, all kinds of people. I think I got pretty good at it. At least I was… I was requested a lot," heat rose in his cheeks. He never complained, no matter what they did. No matter what they wanted. He took everything the clients dished up with a smile. A thank you. He was the perfect fantasy… the only person he'd ever been himself with was Jack.

He swallowed, willing the lump in his throat to go away. "I don't think Julian is making up the things he says about the Tongans," he said, trying to drive the past out of his head. "But I guess I could be totally wrong about him. I don't know."

"He's not making it up. I'm sure… I'm sure, knowing Julian, that there are things he isn't saying, but he's not involved in whatever it is James Smeed is convinced he's involved in. Mr. Smeed is a good man," he added. "He's very protective of Jack."

"How do you know? About Julian, I mean," he asked; he knew how much Mr. Smeed still loved the Captain.

Henry smiled. "A friend of mine once said I was the best lie detector she'd ever known," he said simply; his smile deepened, however. Even after five hundred years, Vickie could make him smile. She had left her mark on him, put her handprint on his heart.

"I can hear your heart beating," he explained in a patient tone. "I can smell the blood moving through your veins and see subtle changes in the dilation of your pupils. I can even feel the heat rising off your body. I know how to interpret those things to figure out when someone is lying. Julian knows that. He knows that if he'd lied, I would have made him tell the truth. Most people find the somewhat experience unpleasant."

"You can really do all that?"

"Yes. But… it isn't something I enjoy doing, Kam," he took the younger man's hands gently in his, his expression betraying nothing of the gratitude he felt that the he didn't resist or pull away or seem at all afraid of him. "Mr. Smeed doesn't know what I am, he just knows what I can do," he added, his tone making his point clear. Some things were not ever to be discussed.

Kam agreed readily. He wasn't sure what Henry was either, just that according to the histories, he had died when he was only seventeen. He didn't look much older than that, so whatever he was, he hadn't changed in over a thousand years. But he wasn't like Jack. His skin was cool to the touch.

"Come on," he stood, pulling Kam up with him. "I have something to show you." He led the way over to one of the covered canvases and pulled back the cloth.

Kam's breath caught in his throat when he saw the painting underneath. It was him! It was so perfect, even though it wasn't done; it was like looking at his reflection in a mirror, except he was standing in front of the window in Henry's sitting room, a thousand stars in the background… "It's… Henry… it's amazing! When…?"

His smile deepened. Warmed. "I started working on it after your last visit. It's a long way from being complete," the only thing that was mostly done was the main subject, Mr. Anders, "and I think I need to adjust the size of your eyes… maybe lighten your hair a shade," he mused thoughtfully, taking a step back to study the younger man more closely, his own eyes narrowing as he compared the living article to the portrait. "Would you sit for me? Just so I can do a few sketches? It won't take long… Perhaps after dinner…?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, of course! But… but it's perfect, really it is," he gushed.

Henry chuckled. "I'm glad you like it."

"I can't believe you'd really want to paint me." He couldn't understand why anybody would bother…

"Why not?"

Kam didn't have an answer. Instead he asked if Henry had really meant it when he said he could look around. He didn't want to stare at the picture of him any more. It was suddenly very embarrassing.

"Yes, of course," he nodded his permission and returned to the sofa.

Kam wandered around the studio a bit, mostly too awed by Henry's talent to speak. He'd never known anyone who was capable of creating such beauty. The universe didn't seem to inspire men to making beautiful things any more.

He knew he was dawdling and he shouldn't be, he should let Henry get back to dinner, to Jack… but a quick glance over his shoulder told him that the other man wasn't impatient to have him leave. In fact, he seemed pleased to have someone rummaging around his artwork.

"It's… it's all so wonderful," he whispered, feeling like an idiot as soon as the words came out of his mouth. Of course it was wonderful, Henry knew that, he had to. Only an stupid naive kid would have to say something like that out loud.

But Henry smiled at him anyway. "Thank you."

Kam turned away, embarrassed all over again. He found himself looking at a small stack of old charcoal sketches. He knew without asking that they were the people from Earth. Cardiff. Their faces made him feel so warm inside… so… happy… so sad… but how could he miss people he'd never known? Never met. He didn't even know their names...

"Her name was Wendy," Henry was suddenly standing next to him. "The man there is her boyfriend, Bobby," he said of the couple in the drawing the young man was studying so intently.

"She was… beautiful," he looked over his shoulder at the other man. "So was he."

Henry chuckled. "Yes, they were both very beautiful," his smile gave little away. He had never done a sketch of Wendy Shutten wearing her other skin; some things were best left un-immortalized.

Kam turned to face him fully. "Do you think it's really possible?" he asked. "Me and Jack, I mean," he tried not to bite his lip, but he couldn't help it. "Do you think we really… were we really together? Before? Did he really know me? Did he really… did he love me?" _do I have anything at all to give to somebody like him?_

Henry laid his hands gently on the young man's arms. "What matters is who you are _now_, Kam," he said softly. "Believe me, I've seen what can happen when someone obsesses about the past. Jack loves _you_. He loves you for who you are. Who you were… who you might have been… that isn't important."

The young pilot searched his eyes but found nothing to help him. "Sometimes… sometimes I say things and he… he looks at me… and I know… I know I'm saying something he's heard before," he said, trying desperately to explain himself. "Sometimes he says things that sound so familiar. I just want him to love me. I don't care if it's only because…" even if the only reason Jack loved him was because he might have been someone else, Kam didn't care. He would be anybody Jack wanted him to be. But if he really _was_ him, that would mean it was real.

"He _does_ love you, Kam. He loves you for who you are," he repeated firmly. "What matters is today. Tomorrow. What you make of _this_ life. Not what happened five hundred years ago."

"Did you know him? Jack's Welshman… did you know him, too?"

"Yes. I did. I knew him very well."

"What was he like, Henry? I'm not obsessing, I promise I'm not. I just want to know what he was like. I… I just… I want to know… please…" he bit his lip so hard it bled.

Henry steeled himself and wiped the younger man's lip gently. He wiped it off on a cloth on the desk behind Kam. Julian hadn't forced himself to exert any energy to satisfy Smeed's skepticism. He would have been surprised if he had.

He studied Kam a long moment…there had been such desperation in his tone... yet there seemed to be no hint of jealousy. Obsession. Just an earnest longing to understand the man he loved. "Ianto was… he was... he was beautiful, Kam. So are you," he added, causing the young man to blush a deep shade of pink. "He was soft spoken, but he had a razor sharp wit and he wasn't afraid to tell a person just exactly what he thought of them. He was intelligent. Reserved. Resourceful. He had an extremely compassionate heart and a playful nature, although he did a fair job of hiding it most of the time," he smiled at the memories that drifted up to the surface. "He was good for Jack – and, I think, Jack was good for him too. They loved each other very deeply. More deeply than I think either of them had ever loved before. They had a home together, a life. A family. Then he died. Jack was alone. He was alone for a very long time because even though he's been with other people, he..."

"He spent too long grieving, didn't he?" his tone was almost reproachful, yet it was obvious it didn't come as any surprise that Jack had mourned him for so long.

"Yes." _But not any more,_ he favoured the young man with another warm smile. _Now he has you. _"Come on," he slipped a hand gently into the crook of other man's arm. "We should probably get out there and see what Jack and Katy are up to."

Kam couldn't help but smile. "Your kitchen may never be the same again if Jack's decided to give her a hand with supper."

………………………………………………….

Anna looked up when James came into the infirmary; he looked unhappy, but even through his own troubled thoughts, he could see that something was the matter with the her as well. He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"You just missed Miss Ali and Mr. Stasi," she told him.

Jim's brows furrowed further. He moved around to sit on her desk. If Stasi had pulled something… done _anything_… he was in no mood for anything.

"They had a run in with a couple of the guys Jack tossed off the ship, Jim. They're all right," she added quickly, before he could over-react, and proceeded to tell him the story Leah and Avi had told her…


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve:

Friends will keep you sane  
Love could fill your heart  
A lover can warm your bed  
But lonely is the soul without a mate.

David Pratt

……………………………………………………………

Jack received the call from Smeed while Henry and Kam were still hiding out in the former's studio. There had been an incident earlier in the day with a couple of the men who used to be contracted to the _Welshman _and Leah Ali and Avi Stasi. Ali and Stasi were fine, just a little shaken up… apparently Henry had interceded.

Jack was irked that Henry hadn't mentioned it… _but maybe he would have if I hadn't barged in here like I did… _he sighed and thanked Smeed for letting him know. _So much for a care free night out_, he thought sourly.

"Get everybody back to the ship," he instructed his First Officer. "I think it's time for us to pull up anchor. I'll be back in a couple of hours," he added. He wasn't going to ruin Kam's evening, not after this afternoon. He could tell him about it later.

"Is everything all right?" Katy asked after he'd finished up his call.

"Not really, but it's nothing to worry about," he couldn't bring himself to lie. He forced a smile and changed the subject. "Can I give you a hand in the kitchen…?"

………………………………………………………………….

_He loves you…_ Henry's words confirmed what way deep down Kam had believed but was afraid to believe because how could anybody love him? How could anybody love someone who was so thoroughly used up? Why would somebody as old and wise and wonderful as Jack want to be bothered with somebody who was a kid even by mere mortal standards? He knew that his place in the grand scheme of things was utterly insignificant.

But when he and their host emerged from the studio, Jack stood, welcoming him into his arms. He kissed his forehead and suddenly Kam felt like the centre of the whole universe, like he was the most important thing in existence, at least to one man. Jack led him over to the table and nodded towards the seat next to his where a glass of wine had already been poured for him. "I was starting to wonder if I should get jealous," he teased his young lover as the sat.

Kam felt warmth rising on his cheeks; he wasn't sure if it was caused by his Captain's joke or if he was embarrassed by his own doubt. "Never," he promised the older man.

Jack grinned in response and then turned to their host. "_Somebody _must have said something to your Katy," he favoured the artist with a dark, and clearly feigned, glower. "She seems to be under the impression that I might make a mess of the kitchen if I lent a hand."

Henry barely bit down on a laugh; his eyes twinkled with mirth. "I can't imagine what might have said to give her that impression, Captain. I'm sure it's merely a misunderstanding," he assured him, gracefully making his exit to the kitchen.

Kam couldn't contain his snicker for very long.

"Something funny there, Mr Anders?"

"Not a thing, Sir," he sipped at his wine.

_He loves me,_ he reminded himself._ He loves me for me, who I am, not who I was, either in this life or some other life._ His smile deepened. Jack returned it, asked how he liked the wine… it was great, thanks…

Being together was too good not to be real. It was like… _like coming home again,_ he thought. It was like coming home to the one person who would always love him, the only person he wanted to be with, after having wandered hopelessly through the dark cold vacuum of space. _For five hundred years_… for a moment he understood what the last five hundred years had felt like for Jack. He had loved his Welshman so much… it must have broken his heart… _broken both of their hearts…_

The Captain seemed to be regarding him, as if he was trying to figure out what he was thinking. A flicker of concern came over his features.

"I love you," Kam told him simply; it was all he had _to _say… but it seemed to be enough. Jack smiled, that impossibly beautifully wonderful smile of his.

"I love you too." He leant in and the young pilot met his kiss half way. It might have lasted longer but for the sound of Henry clearing his throat.

"We can't leave you two alone for five minutes, can I?" he teased them gently.

Kam blushed a deep shade of pink.

Jack merely chuckled, flashing a brilliant grin at Henry and Katy, who was just behind him coming out from the kitchen. "There's always room for two more…" he said with his brows raised.

She rolled her eyes. "Thank you but no thank you, Captain," despite her tone, her expression told them all that she was taking his flirting in good stride.

Food was dished up and more wine was poured and Kam finally noticed that Henry didn't have a plate. He hadn't noticed that there were only three place settings when he first came out of the studio – he'd been too preoccupied with his own thoughts. He was sure it would be rude to ask why, however…

As dinner progressed, Henry and Jack started taking turns telling stories – or telling their sides of the same story. Listening to Henry talk was just as fascinating as listening to Jack. His humour wasn't nearly as crude, but his stories were just as wonderful. Katy seemed to enjoy them, too, Kam noted. He was sure she felt as included as he did, because somehow Jack and Henry were good at keeping their audience involved as well as entertained, even when speaking of things that had happened centuries ago… centuries from now.

After the table was cleared, Henry got his sketch pad…

"Where would you like me to sit?" Kam asked him, as a new rush of nervousness came over him. He wasn't at all used to being the centre of attention.

"Anywhere you like," the artist invited him, nodding towards the lounge where Jack and Katy were settling in. During dinner she had discovered that he played poker, so she'd pulled out a deck of playing cards. The young pilot noticed with some trepidation that they were dealing three piles of cards; he doubted that one of them was for Henry, even though he was sure that _he_ knew how to play.

"I'm just going to do a few sketches of you," he said. "I promise, it's painless."

Kam smiled at what he knew was a joke. "I guess… I'm not used to… to any of this."

"Not many people out here are lucky enough to live so well," Henry told him the truth.

"It's not just that. I'm not used to being around people who care about each other."

Henry regarded him for a moment. "No, I suppose you aren't," his tone held a sadness that the younger man didn't fully understand. "It wasn't always like this, Kam. There was a time… a time when people, most people anyway, cared about each other. And… and there were times… when I was alive… it wasn't much better than this," he said.

"When…?" he started to ask. When he was _alive?_ "I… Jack says it gets better some day. Maybe you'll be around to see it, even if I won't," he said, instead of pressing the issue. He had no idea how much his tone, his pragmatic attitude, resonated back to another a time, another man.

"Perhaps I will," the artist smiled.

"Come on, you two, you're holding up the game!" Jack called.

Swallowing nervously, Kam joined Jack on the sofa. He was right, the third set of cards was for him.

Henry arranged himself opposite Kam. "Just pretend I'm not here," he suggested.

Even Jack found that suggestion amusing… but he kept his attention focused on the nervous young man next to him. "The first round, I'll help you," he promised.

………………………………………………………………….

After leaving Henry Fitzroy's apartment, Julian slipped quietly through the back corridors, carefully avoiding both Security and as many people as he could. When he reached his destination, deep in the underbelly of the station, he was greeted with warmth that he desperately needed by a family of familiar faces. He was ushered into their tiny apartment and before he could refuse, a mug of tea had been pushed into his hands.

There were five of them, a mother and grandmother, three children; their entire apartment was smaller than Henry's lounge.

"I've come for my things," he said.

a boy of eleven crawled up into his lap. "You're leaving." It wasn't a question.

"Lev…" his mother chided, offering up a shy, apologetic smile.

Julian waved it off; Lev reminded him of himself. He remembered when he and his mother had gone to live with Jack, how larger than life the Captain had seemed… how larger than life he still seemed.

He wrapped his arms around the boy. "I'll be back if I can," he promised. "Marga…" he turned to the woman. The sooner he was aboard the _Welshman_, the better. He knew what would happen to these people if he was caught here. Harbouring a fugitive was a capitol offence.

"I'll get your pack," she said quietly.

Julian said his goodbyes and made his way silently back into the dark corridor. This far in there weren't many lights, few comforts. After all, technically these people didn't even exist…

He let his hand rest on the satchel slung over his shoulder. Inside it was the reason he had to go to Tunga Tav, to keep the promise he'd made. Anyone who didn't know better would take it as nothing, a trinket, a carved stone box, no bigger than a shoe box.

He hastened his steps through the darkened labyrinth of service corridors, taking the long way to the hanger bay...


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:**

Part of this chapter is from a request to see some of Kam's past… and it'll be relevant later on in the story (which was also a request).

……………………………………………………………..

**Chapter Thirteen**:

_"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."_

_Plato_

……………………………………………………………

"Are we all right?" the question seemed to come out of nowhere, stopping Kam in his tracks, half way between the bathroom door and the bed where Jack lay with a book across his chest.

The younger man swallowed. "Why wouldn't we be?" he asked, fighting off a wave of panic.

Under his feet, the _Welshman's_ engines hummed softly; Jack had seen his ship out of the docking bay and then come to bed with Kam, although the younger man didn't expect he would stay there long. He'd explained why they were leaving ahead of schedule, although given Julian's situation, Kam was doubly glad to be away from Omega. He might be young, but he understood what would happen if the Empire got wind that Julian was there. At the moment, however, the only thing that mattered was Jack asking him if they were ok…

"I just wanted to make sure," he swung his feet to the floor.

Kam closed the distance between them and sat down on the edge of the bed next to his lover. Partner. "We're ok, Jack. As long as… as long as you say we are." _Please don't let anything be wrong, not now… not ever…_

"Kam, Sweetheart. Cariad," he tilted the young man's head upwards so he could look him directly in the eyes. "We're in this together."

"Forever?" he asked hopefully.

Despite the pain brought on by the reality of knowing it would never really be forever, Jack smiled. "For the rest of your life," he promised the only thing he knew he could promise. He didn't know if Kam… Ianto… if he would ever come back to him again… _but if you do… _"I love you. I will _always_ love you. I won't ever forget you."

"I'll always love you too," he snuggled in close. "And I'll never forget you either, Jack. We're ok. We're better than ok."

The Captain encircled him into his arms and placed a soft kiss into his hair. "I guess… after this afternoon… I wanted to make sure you weren't mad at me."

"Never."

Jack smiled. "There will be times you get upset with me, you know," he told the young man in his arms.

"I know," Kam surprised him by saying. "But I promise to tell you when it happens. I don't want to fight with you Jack. I… my life is too short. Yours is too long. I don't want you to look back on this and…and have anything but good memories of me. Of us"

He pressed his lips tight against the young pilot's mouth; he surrendered to it. "All I'm going to remember is how much you loved me," he promised. "And… pineapple… orange jasmine tea. Coffee. Chicken and dumplings."

Kam gave him a questioning look, but then he seemed to understand. "Do me a favour, Jack. Don't name your next ship 'Chicken and Dumplings.'"

He laughed, he couldn't help it. "God, I love you," he kissed him again.

"Are you sure I can't talk you into coming to bed with me, then?"

He shook his head. "I need talk to Julian and sort out how we're going to get to Tunga Tav unnoticed. And I have to talk to Smeed and Anna, figure out how much damage I've done by agreeing to help Jule."

"I'm sure everything'll be fine, Jack," he offered up the kind of smile that warmed the other man right to the core.

"You should get some sleep, Cariad," he brushed his hand through the younger man's hair.

Kam nodded; his shift started in less than eight hours. "Will I see you for breakfast at least?"

"Count on it."

…………………………………………………………………

Watching Anna and Jim watching him, Jack wasn't at all certain Kam was right about things being fine.

"This crew trusts you, Jackie," Smeed spoke first. He still sounded angry. Anna looked unsure. Nervous. They were sitting around her desk in the infirmary drinking coffee; Julian was in Jack's quarters reading a book.

"Trust's a difficult thing to come by in this century," the First Officer continued. "I don't want to see you messing that up over someone like Julian Kyle. Even if he's not some old boyfriend…" he gave over a speculative look, clearly hoping for some sort of explanation.

"He's not an old boyfriend. I told you…" he hesitated, giving Anna another sidelong glance. "I've known Jule since he was a little kid," if the medic thought anything of that statement, she kept it well hidden. "I didn't need Henry to tell me he was telling the truth. He has _never _lied to me, James." It didn't appear as if he believed him.

Jack looked to Anna again. "Are you willing to trust me…or should I find some place to dump him off? I won't do this without the support of my crew, Anna. Without your support."

She hesitated a long moment before telling him that he had her support. "I saw the expression on Kyle's face when he was talking about those Tungans, Jimmy," she explained. "And you and I both know what the Empire is like. Just because it says something in some official report, that _doesn't_ make it true."

Smeed took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "All right. I'm willing to trust you too, Jack. I'm not sure I trust him, but I trust you. I trust you too," he favoured the medic with a warm smile, conceding that maybe when it came to Julian Kyle his judgment was a bit clouded…

…………………………………………………………………

In his sleep, Kam twitched uncomfortably.

_The man towered menacingly over him. In the eyes of his memory, the memory of a frightened, lonely, twelve year old boy, his uncle was HUGE. He was rough and unshaven and smelled of hard liquor. _

"_Hello, Sir, pleased to meet you," he said anyway, in his best imitation of courtesy. _

_It earned him a dirty look. "Get yer stuff and let's go. I've wasted enough time on you as it is," he grumbled. All the way to the spaceport, he complained about his no-good sister foisting her ill-begotten brat off on him… he had his own problems to deal with it seemed, he didn't want hers, but apparently he was stuck with them… his words made Kam feel small and hurt… his mother wasn't no-good, she was the best person in the whole wide world and the best pilot ever!_

_But he didn't suspect that telling her brother that was such a good idea._

Unconsciously, Kam pulled Jack's pillow up tight against his chest, but even his lover's scent wasn't enough to drive the nightmare back to the recesses of his memory. He'd gone to sleep thinking about Jack and Julian, how his Captain was willing to take responsibility for someone three generations removed from him. How much he had always wished somebody would love him that way.

_The glass slipped out of his grasp, hit the floor… shattered… fear clutched at his heart, he knew what Uncle Bran was going to say…he __**tried **__to tell him it was an accident, he didn't mean to, he hadn't broken it on purpose, but he was already taking off his belt…_

"_There are no__** accidents**__," he shouted, yanking Kam by the arm so hard he left bruises. "There's just the useless clumsy bastard my no-good sister saw fit to saddle me with! Now take down your pants and bend over the chair. Maybe a good beating will drive some sense into you!"_

He whimpered in his sleep… the beating had left him unable to sit for days. It was always the same, nothing he did was right. Every mistake ended up in welts all over his backside and legs. He was useless, his uncle would tell him, nothing more than a stupid ham-fisted bastard with a pretty face, the son of a no-good whore…

"_I can be good, please I can be good!" he sobbed when the men came to take him. "PLEASE! Don't send me away!" he begged._

_But it didn't matter. Nothing he said or did mattered. No matter how hard he tried to be good, he wasn't good for anything. The only thing he had was a pretty face and that was something somebody was willing to pay his uncle a lot of money for. _

_That was the first day he could remember his uncle being happy about something…_

_He wouldn't remember much of the trip, even in his nightmares, but two weeks later he and six other children, four boys, two girls, arrived at the huge space station. _

_Kam and the boys were taken in one direction, the girls in another. _

_A physical examination performed on him by silent men in white coats. The room was cold and too bright and it smelled funny. They made him get undressed right in front of them and take an antiseptic shower. Then they poked. They prodded. They scanned his body. They took blood. They gave him new clothes to put on; they were white and made of stiff, uncomfortable fabric. They smelled funny, too. Then someone took him down a long brightly lit corridor to another room where another man in a white coat was waiting. _

_But it wasn't the man that frightened him, it was the chair. The machine in front of the chair. He'd never seen anything like it._

_They sat him down and told him to sit still. His hands were forced into the machine and suddenly he couldn't move. He was terrified… then he was in pain. Deep agonizing pain that made him scream. His wrists burned, feeling as if they were on fire. He cried and begged the man in the coat to make it stop, something was wrong, it hurt, but he ignored him. It seemed to last forever…_

_When they finally took his hands out at last he saw what had been done to him. The lines and numbers were etched deep into his raw, angry red skin. He was still crying when the man told him what to do:_

"_Those'll be sore a few days," he said in a bored tone. "Put this on 'em," he handed over a small tube of salve. "If they're still bothering you after a few days, ask to go to the infirmary." There was no compassion in his voice, no warmth in his hard grey eyes. _

_Ice, Kam thought, it was like they were all made of ice… _

_He was taken to another room, down another long, bright, corridor. This room was small, barely two metres long and about as wide; the only things in it were a narrow cot with and a small dressing table where he could put what few possessions he'd been allowed to bring with him. Not that he'd had much to begin with, but his Uncle had kept most of it, anyway. He said it was the least the boy owed him for the three months he'd been eating his food._

_As soon as they pushed Kam into the room, they locked the door behind them._

_He put his things away and sat down on the bed to wait for whatever was going to happen next… _

_Then the door opened again. It was another boy. He couldn't be more than twenty. He was handsome…his wrists were marked the same as Kam's, but his skin wasn't raw. He'd had them a long time._

_But he was made of ice, too. Kam pulled his knees up to his chest. There was something in the boy's face… the way he leered at him… it frightened Kam._

"_I'm your trainer," he stated simply. "Get over here. __**NOW!**__" _

_Too frightened to refuse, he obeyed silently. _

"_Get on your knees and take down my pants," the boy ordered. "Slowly," he added. "I'd like to enjoy this."_

_Kam did as he was told, even when the boy told him to do it again, but this time act like he was enjoying himself. _

"_Clients want to believe you like pleasing them, so you'd better pretend you do," he said in a warning tone when Kam went to work on him for a second time. _

_He had one hand buried deep in the younger boy's hair, gripping it painfully tightly. "While I'm training you, I can do anything I want. Remember that," he thrust himself deep into the back of his throat, making him choke and gag. "Pay attention to what you're doing!" he snapped, tightening his grip on Kam's hair, ignoring his muffled sobs. He couldn't breathe! _

_Finally he pulled out, un-sated this time, and told Kam to take off his pants and bend over his bed, he wanted to give the other hole a try… _

_He left Kam curled up in little ball on the bed, telling him that he would train for a year before they let him see clients. During that time, any of the other Servers could have their use of him. So could anybody else who worked for the House. It was one of the perks of seniority. _

"_Just remember, though," he said in a cold hard voice that frightened Kam. " It's __**me**__ you answer to." He forced a deep hard kiss on him before he took his leave… _

Kam woke with his heart pounding in his ears, a hundred half forgotten memories burning in his memory, causing past and present to blur painfully together.

The bedroom door opened. Cold fear settled in on him. It _wasn't_ Jack.

"Kam?"

He pulled his knees up to his chest while fresh tears streamed down his face. He didn't have to submit himself to anybody, not anymore, not to anybody he didn't want to give himself to, that's what Jack said, but…

"Hey, Kam, it's just me. Take it easy," the voice sounded familiar.

Julian. It was Julian. He must have been in the sitting room, he must have heard... He stepped closer. Kam wiped the tears from his cheeks. Julian wouldn't hurt him…he wouldn't…

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," he lied. "I… I just had a bad dream," he explained, feeling stupid. "It's nothing," he tried to say, but Jule was already crossing the distance between them… he sat down on the edge of the bed and Kam's chest tighten up again. He bit his lip.

"Are… do you want me to go find Jack?"

The older man's tone was impossible to interpret. Was he being kind or condescending? Kam couldn't tell. He just wished that Jule hadn't been there, hadn't heard... "I'm all right. I just… it was just... it was nothing," he tried to laugh away his embarrassment.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No. Thank you."

The other just nodded and took his leave.

Still shaking, but glad to finally be alone, Kam reached over and turned on the bedside light. He hugged his knees and rested his chin on them. He knew he should try to get some more sleep; his shift started in three hours and he was exhausted… but he couldn't get the images out of his head.

The Red House. His uncle… _Why did my no-good sister have to foist you off on me? Didn't she know I have my own problems? My own brat to deal with? I can barely feed my own family, I don't need the likes of you hanging around my neck! _

He had tried so hard to please his uncle. He would have done anything just to have him love him. But who could love the useless bastard son of a whore? All he was good for was being pretty… being used…

He closed his eyes tight, suppressing a sob.

His memory returned him to the Red House, his room there. The plain, white walls. A cot that was even smaller than the one he'd had when he first signed onto Jack's ship. A sheet. A pillow. The door that locked on the outside. It was only locked in the beginning, but the threat was always there. They could lock him in any time they wanted to. They could do anything they wanted. He belonged to them.

Beyond his room… beyond the residential corridors… there were spacious bedrooms with big comfortable beds and lavish appointments. There were wardrobes of clothes… silk, leather, linen… for them to dress up in. There were carefully tended gardens and posh sitting rooms… even a library.

Servers were allowed to use the library, wander the gardens—it was encouraged, in fact, because it gave the illusion that they lived well. They were required to dress up to be out in the public areas, though. They were required to be available to any client who took a fancy to them, whether it was for conversation or…

He realized there was someone standing in the bedroom doorway. It was Julian again. Kam blinked up at him through the tears.

"Your light was on," he explained. "I figured it meant you weren't going back to sleep. I thought… well…" he shrugged and set a mug of hot chocolate down on the night stand.

Kam searched his face, completely uncertain of what to make of the unexpected act of kindness.

"When I was a kid I used to have nightmares all the time. Jack would always make me hot chocolate," he explained. "It always made me feel better."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Julian's smile reminded him of Jack's. "Do you want some company?"

"I… I'd like that, thanks."

"You're welcome. Do you mind?" the older man asked before sitting down a second time.

He shook his head and the other sat back down, but not so close this time.

Kam reached over for the mug and took a sip of it; usually when Jack made it, he added peppermint schnapps, but this tasted…

"Cinnamon," Julian told him.

"It's good."

"Do you want to talk about the dream or…?"

He shook his head. "It's stupid. It was… it was something that happened a long time ago."

"The Tungans say that dreams haunt us for a reason."

Kam shuddered. He hoped they were wrong, because the last thing he wanted was to see anyone from his past, ever again.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:**

**Sorry this has taken so long! **It wasn't so much writers' block as this big brick wall called "what next", because I know, more or less where this is going, but I wasn't sure how to get there… hopefully this is a step in the right direction ;-)

For those who have asked, yes, I will be putting a list of the "order of all this" in my profile… soon.

Thank you again, everybody, for reading, for your patience, for those lovely reviews that make me so happy and for all the favouriting/alert lists that this has made it onto!

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen:**

"_You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."_

Lewis B. Smedes

* * *

Sitting with Julian was…it wasn't like sitting with Jack. Jule was…_confusing,_ Kam finally decided. He thought he understood it, though. Julian was confusing on purpose.

The only thing was he couldn't be sure which version of Jack's great-great-great grandson was the correct version. Was he the man Kam had first thought him to be, the man Mr Smeed obviously thought he was, a slick conman who would do anything to get what he wanted, a man who had come on to him even though he knew he was with Jack—or was he the kind of person who would bring a compete stranger a cup of hot chocolate in the middle of the night and sit with him after a nightmare without making any inappropriate moves or remarks? _Or is that just a trick, because if he looses Jack's support…? _

Kam worried at his lower lip as he slid into a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt. One of Jack's t-shirts. He needed Jack's scent, the feel of him… he needed _Jack_, but his t-shirt would have to do, even if it was a bit big on him because he knew Jack was busy and he didn't want to bother him. He tucked in the t-shirt and slipped on the leather vest he knew his Captain liked to see him wearing.

But he wasn't wearing it because he wanted Jack to look at him the way he always did when he wore it…although he loved that look, the barely contained sexual hunger in the older man's bright blue eyes… it wasn't like the leers his trainer had given him, it was…it was different. Jack wasn't a starving man who would take whatever scrap fell into his lap, he was… he was a man at a banquet who could have anything he wanted, _and he wants me…_ the thought brought a sense of warmth. At the moment, Kam needed that warmth. He needed every little thing he could think of to remind himself that he was loved. Wanted.

He wasn't the same stupid clumsy bastard his uncle had sold to the Red House. Somebody wanted him, loved him—he didn't have to get on his knees for anybody anymore. He was a pilot—a damned good pilot! He would be on the _Welshman_ even if he didn't sleep in the Captain's bed.

Wouldn't he?

He hugged himself. _He __**loves**__ me. _Kam knew he did.

But even if Jack didn't love him, he would still have had him on his ship. He'd been offered the same contract as the rest of the crew, the same options. He wasn't useless or useful only for what he could do on his knees or on his back, not any more. Jack had given him a purpose, a real one, something he could be proud of.

Kam was just as glad he didn't find Julian in the sitting room when he finished getting dressed, although he did wonder, briefly, where the other had gone off to. It probably didn't matter and he wasn't really surprised when he stopped to think about it. No matter what kind of person he really was, Julian Kyle seemed to be pretty good at reading other people; he'd probably figured out that Kam didn't want his company any more… a small pang of guilt stabbed at the younger man over that. Julian had been nothing but kind…_but he's not Jack._ Julian couldn't just stand in for Jack just by bringing him hot chocolate, even if Kam was pretty sure that that had been nothing more than the act of kindness it appeared to be.

And he really _**was**_ certain that Julian was telling the truth about those aliens, the Tungans. Even before Henry had done whatever he'd done, he'd seen Julian's face when he was telling him and Anna about them. As confusing as Jule was, Kam was pretty good at reading people too. That hadn't been an act. _But one good deed doesn't make someone a good man_.

Likewise, a bunch of bad deeds didn't necessarily make somebody a bad person, either, because sometimes a person did what they had in do, to survive. Some things were unforgivable—or at least close to it—but if Julian had never done those sorts of things… _and it really isn't as if Jack is a model citizen… or me._

With too many thoughts rolling through his head, Kam made himself a cup of tea and picked up his book… when he got to the observation deck, he was surprised by who he found already sitting there.

………………………………………………………………….

"I appreciate you letting me bunk with you," Julian said to the big engineer as he settled his few possessions into the foot locker at the end of the small bunk. He doubted Jack had made it a request, but a little civility tended to go a long way towards making a situation less unbearable and he had no doubts that the mostly cybernetic crewman could make his life extremely uncomfortable if he chose to.

The big man's smile/grimace surprised him…frightened him a little at first, but that was mostly due to factors beyond the big man's control. Whoever had put him back together after what Julian guessed must have been a Hell of a fire or explosion (gauging by the scars) aesthetics hadn't been foremost on their mind. Still, Julian reckoned it was better than the alternative—being dead.

"My pleasure," Buddy told him in an earnest tone. "I'm kinda looking forward to the company," he added honestly. When he'd first been assigned to a cabin by himself, he knew he'd been singled out, and not in a good way. On ships like the _Welshman _crews bunked double, sometimes triple or even quadruple, and even a big guy like him sometimes got stuck sharing with three other people.

He had been pleased when he first came aboard and found only two bunks in the small cabin the First Officer had assigned him to. But then…well, it made sense, he supposed, that he wasn't going to have a room mate; no one would want to bunk with him anyway. People tended to dislike, distrust, anything they considered 'below' them, anything that was less than human. That included people like him, people who had more metal and wires than flesh and blood. For the most part, Buddy didn't let it get to him; he was lucky to be alive. But sometimes he couldn't help being hurt by the way people stared at him. Fear. Revulsion. Pity. Pity was the worst.

It was why he almost hadn't taken the job on the_ Welshman_,despite Pete Davies promises of a 'good opportunity. He had money. Not a lot, but enough to get by on and he worked pretty steady—somebody always had something broke that they needed fixed. He didn't charge too much, at least not of the folks on Omega. If a ships' Captain needed something worked on in the dock, well, that was another matter. He didn't mind charging men and women like _that_ a few extra coins. Which was why he'd been intrigued by the prospect of working for Harkness; everybody on Omega had been talking about the Captain who had thrown half his crew off his ship over…well, the rumours were varied as to what Kam might or might not be. Buddy suspected that the tale got a little taller with each re-telling, but it wasn't as if he'd never heard Jack Harkness' name before. Although he was at least pretty sure he was safe from unwanted advances, and he figured he was big enough to take care of himself if the stories about the Captain's temper were even partially true. But Jack had surprised him in more ways than one. Not only was it obvious from the start what Kam was to him, it was equally obvious that Jack didn't look at anybody and see just what was on the outside.

Buddy wasn't honestly sure what kind of measuring stick the Captain used, but whatever it was, his decisions appeared to be absolute. They also appeared to be trustworthy. He might not tell his crew everything—no fool would, trust was a two-way street and it took time to build up between people—but he was a man Buddy was willing to give the benefit of the doubt to.

_He's the kind of man who wouldn't leave one of his crew behind to burn…_ he'd seen the way the Captain fussed over Kam, when he thought nobody was looking of course. And it wasn't just him. When one of the seals burst in the engine room and Roberta ended up with second degree burns on half her arm, Jack had ordered her off her feet for two day and to take it easy after that, until she healed up right. He'd gone so far as to say that he would be happy to entertain her if she needed a reason to stay in bed for a couple of days, but it had been pretty obvious that he was only playing with her, watching her blush and get all riled up. He seemed to spend half his time saying things _just _ to get reactions out of the crew. Just the same, Roberta had spent two days "crawling her cabin walls", as she put it, because she took the Captain at his word when he threatened to carry her bodily back to her quarters if he caught her anywhere but the mess, observation deck or showers.

So when Jack asked if he'd mind sharing his cabin with Julian Kyle, a man who clearly belonged to the class of gypsies and thieves who made Omega's underbelly the sort of place even a big guy like Buddy didn't venture into without good reason, he'd agreed. Whatever the Captain's reason, he'd agreed to give Kyle a lift to some fringe world—Jack said there was a trading post in the area that they could make good use of, buy a few supplies, maybe even get some tips on new salvage. Truthfully, he hadn't had to even give them that much information and they all knew it. But trust really was a two-way street, and it seemed to him the Captain wanted his crew to trust him as much as they were all hungry to find a Captain they could trust, too.

"I should be getting back to the engine room," Buddy told Julian in an amicable tone. "I just wanted to stop by and see if you'd settled in ok," he flashed another one of those big grins. "If you need anything, just holler."

"Thanks," Julian gave over a smile of his own, unaware of just how much like Jack he looked when he did.

Buddy filed that away for later and left Julian to finish settling…

…………………………………………………………………

Avi Stasi gave a startled look when he looked up to see Kam Anders coming onto the observation deck. It wasn't a spot Avi visited regularly; it was more a place for lovers to steal a quiet moment, he figured, than for one of the single crewmen to kill a few hours. But it really was the perfect spot to read.

Belatedly, he got to his feet; as the ship's pilot, Kam did technically outrank him, never mind that Avi had a few years on the younger man. Age and rank didn't go together, especially when only one of them was sharing the Captain's bed. Even if Anders' post on the bridge hadn't outranked his position, the younger man would still have outranked _him_, even though the young pilot never acted like he realized it. That fact only served to make Stasi more uncomfortable; he knew what to do in a situation when the other person was acting the way he expected them to, but Kam had been nothing but gracious. If he expected something in return for his generosity, he had yet to give any indication what that something might be.

_Not that I can think of anything he'd even__**want**__ from me…_ Stasi mused.

"You're up early, Mr Stasi," Kam said by way of greeting. He didn't seem particularly pleased to have found the observation deck occupied.

Avi shrugged, "I couldn't sleep."

"Me, either."

"Well… I erm… I'll just be on my way," Avi gathered up his empty mug and book.

"You don't have to go," said Kam.

"I…wouldn't want to intrude," he replied, feeling more than a little awkward.

"Technically, I'm the one intruding, you were here first," Kam's tone was nothing but friendly.

The other smiled, "All the more reason for me to give it up."

"There's honestly no reason for you to run off, Mr Stasi. We're going to be working together for…for a long time, I hope." He settled himself into one of the chairs and nodded, hoping Stasi would sit back down. As much as Kam did want to be alone, he was well aware of the way the salvage expert danced around him. It was silly. The ship wasn't that big. They were going to find themselves in close quarters once in a while and they both were going to have to get used to it. For Kam's part, he was ok with that. He didn't get the impression that Stasi was, although he had no idea why, not exactly, anyway. He'd accepted the other's apology.

Avi sat back down; he wasn't comfortable, but there wasn't really a polite way to escape and the last thing he wanted to do was cause another problem with Kam Anders.

"I heard about what happened on Omega," the younger man said, instead of opening his book. "I'm glad you and Leah are all right."

Avi swallowed. Nodded. The men who had cornered Leah were two of the men who had… "We just got lucky, I suppose," he said. Those guys had been big. Angry. He couldn't imagine…didn't want to imagine what it must have been like for Kam to have to endure the 'attention' of men like that. "Mr Anders—"

"Kam."

Avi frowned.

"You can call me Kam," he said; nearly all the crew had become friendly enough, familiar enough, to use first names. They all retained a level of formality with the Captain, of course; Anna was the only exception Kam had noticed, although he was pretty sure he'd heard Anneke Strickson calling him Jack once in the mess. He hadn't seemed to mind. Mr Smeed was still Mr Smeed (and would always be Mr Smeed as far as Kam could tell), but everyone else seemed to be comfortable with one another.

Stasi was staring at him, looking like a man afraid to take the obvious peace offering… _afraid it's going to get snatched away from him the moment he reaches for it_, Kam realized. As he rose to his feet, he saw the mask of hard indifference settle over the older man's features (older by no more than three or four years, he realized suddenly), but he smiled anyway, and held out his hand. "We work the same shift, Mr Stasi. This is a very small ship and there's no way to know for sure how long we'll have between ports. It doesn't make any sense for either of us to let what happened before keep getting between us. I'm willing to consider it forgotten if you are," he said hopefully.

Looking like he was sure he was stepping into a trap, Stasi got to his feet as well, before accepting the hand that was being offered. "I—I really—" he didn't know what to say. Finally, "Avi. It's Avi," was all he seemed to be able to get out. "And I'd like that."

"I'm glad."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

"_You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."_

Dr. Seuss.

* * *

By the time Kam got back to their cabin, Jack was already there, setting the table for breakfast. A rush of cold fear swept over the younger man when he saw him. _He_ always set the table, _**never**_ Jack. He was going to be angry and…and Kam shook himself. The most Jack was going to be was annoyed at him for being late and he'd apologize and everything would be all right because Jack wasn't like his uncle, he wasn't the kind of man to get angry over something so small and… and Jack looked at him, frowning, just slightly.

He forced a smile. "I was starting to think I'd been stood up," he teased. Kam knew by his tone that he was teasing. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even annoyed. If anything, he looked worried. "You ok?" he stopped setting the table and crossed the distance between them, taking the young man's hands up in his.

Kam nodded. "Just… a little tired I guess." He hated lying to Jack, but he wasn't about to admit how badly his nightmare had rattled him. Jack was _nothing_ like his uncle. Jack loved him. _He loves me exactly the way that I am. He's going to love me for the rest of my life. Forever. _Jack would still love him, even in five hundred years, just like he still loved his Welshman. His gaze flickered briefly to the rings the older man still wore… maybe someday he'd have something to give to Jack, too, something he could keep to help him remember that Kam Anders had existed, that he'd loved him more than anything. Jack's voice drew him out of his thoughts:

"You've still got a little time before your shift starts, do you want to lie down?"

Kam shook his head. He wanted to have breakfast, he wanted to be with his Captain. "I'll be ok."

Jack drew him into his arms; Kam looked more than just a little tired, but he didn't want to press the younger man. Julian had told him about Kam waking up in the middle of the night from some bad dream. Jule wouldn't go into detail, he just said he wanted Jack to know—he wasn't even sure Julian knew exactly what it was about himself. But it was why he had come back to their cabin for a quiet breakfast instead of asking Kam to join him in his office where he had several star maps lain out, trying to figure out the best way to get from where they were to where they needed to go without drawing any unwanted attention, _or_ wasting fuel they didn't have to waste.

For the moment, however, that could wait. Kam was clinging to him. "Are you sure you're all right?" he asked again.

He pulled in tighter still, taking in Jack's scent, revelling in the warmth of his body, the strength of those arms holding him, the soft steady beating of his heart, all the things that had gotten him through so many long lonely nights before they found each other. "I am now," he told him the truth. The past couldn't hurt him, not any more.

"All right," Jack held him a few moments more before suggesting that they eat before their breakfast got cold. "Hey," he pulled Kam into a light kiss before letting him go completely, "I love you, you know."

His smile was… it was amazing. "I know, Cariad. I love you too. With all my heart."

Jack kissed him again, not nearly so lightly this time; Kam returned it in kind. It was almost a shame they didn't have more time…but he wanted to get Kam fed and their shift started in less than an hour.

After breakfast, he gathered up the dishes to take back to the mess while Kam put on another pot of coffee; it was their usual routine and the younger man felt all the better for it. Even so, he wasn't surprised when Jack told him to go on up to the bridge without him, he was going to his office for a bit to finish some work up.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he offered.

"You just did," he took the cup his partner was holding out to him.

He chuckled. "I'll see you in a bit, then," he leant up. Jack met his kiss half way.

"You have the con until I get there," Jack reminded him. As ship's pilot, he was the ranking member of the bridge crew; he wasn't sure Kam realized that half the time.

"Yes, Sir."

"And hey—no more magnetic fields," he teased. "Remember, if the bookshelves go toppling _you_ have to help me clean up the room this time."

"Are you _**ever**_ going to let me live that down?"

"Not a chance."

Kam shook his head and took his leave, chuckling softly.

Jack enjoyed the view. Whatever had been the matter, it didn't seem to be bothering Kam any more. He smiled happily to himself and silently promised them both that as soon as they'd sorted Julian out, he was going to find some quiet little planet somewhere where they could watch the sun rise while eating breakfast in bed, because he was sure Kam had never been on holiday before. He was way over overdue for a little time off himself… _the rest of the crew would probably enjoy a little shore leave on an actual planet, too… _Nothing compared to real, fresh air, solid earth beneath one's feet and a real sky overhead with a real sun, a real moon or two.

…………………………………………………………….

It was mid-shift when Jack finally got to the bridge. Julian was just behind him.

"Since Mr Kyle is going to be with us a while," he said to no one in particular, "I thought he might as well try to make himself useful," his tone was lost on all but Kam. It was the same sort of tone Julian used when he called Jack 'Old Man'. _Banter, _Kam thought. Like the way Jack teased him… he looked up.

Jack met his gaze, held it, just briefly, but it all he needed. Warmth rushed through him.

The Captain's gaze shifted to the crewman sitting next to him. "Mr Weiss, why don't you take the rest of the shift and see if Ms Tolbert could use a hand with anything."

Although he appeared to be trying to hide it, Carsten brightened at the notion of getting to spend a few extra hours with Roberta, even if she probably did need a hand with something in the engine room (he was convinced the _Welshman _flew on a hope and a prayer most days). But if that was really true, they would be flying for a long time because for the first time for all of them, there was plenty enough hope to go around.

Despite their sudden departure from Omega, with a "mystery passenger" no less, ship's morale had never been better. Besides, if there was anything about this Julian Kyle they needed to be wary of, Buddy would figure it out; Kyle had been assigned to bunk with him, and if there was one thing the big engineer was good at, it was figuring people out.

Carsten vacated his seat for the newcomer. He watched Kyle settle in; it certainly looked like he knew what he was doing. "The short range sensor array's been a bit touchy," he warned. "Blinks out once in a while—doesn't last long, though. If you keep your eyes on the long distance sensors, you won't end up blindsided."

Julian just shook his head and looked over his shoulder towards the Captain. "I see _other_ things haven't changed either, Old Man," he brows raised in a lascivious expression, taking Kam in with his glance as well.

Jack cleared his throat but otherwise ignored the comment—Kam was doing a good job of ignoring it too, not that that should surprise him, he realized. Ianto, he suddenly recalled, had been a master at ignoring Owen Harper's jibes, even though Harper had been quite the master at dishing them out.

He kept his attention on Carsten, who seemed to be doing his best to ignore the exchange. "Why don't you and Ms Tolbert have a look at that sensor array?"

The younger man nodded and began to make his exit.

"Mr Weiss," Jack called after him, halting his exit. "Ms Tolbert might appreciate it if you stopped by the mess and brought her some coffee," he suggested. "Especially if the two of you are going to spend the rest of the shift looking for whatever's causing that short."

"Yes, Sir," he agreed. Coffee would definitely lesson the blow… there were literally miles of wiring to go through, all twisted and twined up through out the array system and not all of it on the inside of the ship, either. Finding a short could take days…of course, he wouldn't mind it if he was assigned to help out until the task was done, and it would certainly take less time that way…

Smiling to himself, Jack slipped up behind the young pilot and leant in close to his ear, pointedly ignoring the way An Cho averted her gaze when he did so. "Love the shirt, by the way," he whispered in his best bedroom voice, his breath coming out warm and moist on his lover's skin. He watched Kam twinge, just slightly. He was pretty sure it was a pleasant twinge, though, if there was such a thing. _He _was certainly pleased with himself over the ability to get that much of a reaction without even touching the younger man.

"I noticed it at breakfast," he added softly, his brows raised just so. At the time he'd been too worried about Kam to mention it, but now, with whatever had been bothering him seeming to have passed, he could enjoy the way his lover looked wearing his clothes, especially when he was wearing that vest that laced up the front, too. He loved that vest on Kam…he loved it even better off him…

Kam merely nodded in response to the comment, although he was sure the young man was affected by his proximity…_fifty first century pheromones at their best…_ he smirked to himself. More than one person had told him he had a scent that was palpable.

However, "thank you Sir," was all he said in response. His voice remained steady. Stoic.

Kam knew he was trying to provoke a rise out of him—in more ways than one. He also knew the best way to frustrate Jack was not to give in to it. It was amusing, if a bit cruel, to watch the older man walk around on the razor's edge of sexual frustration all night…but it wasn't as if he wasn't going to do anything about it later. Chances were neither one of them were going to get any sleep tonight… he didn't mind.

"How're the nav controls?" the Captain inquired then, sounding entirely too innocent. Whenever he started sounding innocent, it meant he was running out of tactics. "Anything here that needs to be re-calibrated?"

Kam flashed over a smug little grin. "Not a thing, Sir."

Chuckling softly despite the fact that he knew he'd been 'beaten', Jack withdrew. He resumed his seat and turned his attention back to Julian. "All right, Mr Kyle, let's see if you remember how to fly a ship like my _Welshman_," he said in a jaunty tone.

Julian replied in kind, "I learnt from the best you know, Old Man."

"Yes. You did," Jack replied. "And when you're on the bridge, it's _'Sir'_, Mister," his tone was rebuking, but the glint in his eyes was pure mischief. Kam was the only one who caught it, the only one who understood the banter for what it was.

"Whatever you say, _Sir_," Julian seemed to be doing his best to mimic Kam's dry tone. It didn't quite work…but it made Jack grin, mostly because it had clearly amused Kam no ending and he loved it when his partner smiled like that.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:**

THANK YOU again for all the lovely reviews. You guys REALLY keep me going. I appreciate the faves/alerts and the people who just keep on reading, too, of course.

I thought it was time to look at what some of the rest of the crew were up to...

PS -- I'm not an electrician, so I apologize for any glaring mistakes and for the way I sort of gloss over technical details... (no, really, I amazed myself the day I changed out a burned fuse without any trouble at all, although partial credit goes to my father in law who labled all the fuses in the box when we bought the place.)

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen:**

_"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark."_

George Iles

* * *

Over the weeks that followed, the new cabins finally began to take shape and the short range sensors were brought back to one hundred percent—just in time for a new problem to crop up with the electrical system. Fixing it meant pulling extra hours, which Roberta didn't mind; what she did object to was who Jack chose to assign to her as an assistant...

However, with instruments blinking out all over the _Welshman_, she knew better than to complain, especially since Buddy Garrison was too big a man to fit into the service tubes. That left it up to her to figure out what the problem was and fix it before it got worse. She didn't want to think about what was going to happen if they got into a scrape with the Empire…or pirates. Smugglers. _Anybody else who decides they want a piece of us… _or what would happen if life support blinked out, even for a few minutes.

"Holding up ok, Mr Kyle?" she inquired, not so much because she cared, but because she was still half hoping he was claustrophobic and would have to bail on her at the next service hatch.

His chuckle was infuriating. "I should've oiled up before coming in here, but I think I'll manage." He was smirking. She knew he was smirking. He was _always _bloody smirking. It was as infuriating as having him chuckle at her.

Grumbling to herself, Roberta went back to the bundle of wires she was checking. So far there was no sigh of a short, but there had to be _something_ in this section making the lights on the deck below sputter on and off. She'd eliminated every other possibility she could think of. Not that she was having an easy time concentrating.

Kyle was wearing the same aftershave as the Captain. She couldn't imagine why he'd bothered with a luxury like aftershave or cologne just to crawl around service tubes and ducts, but she rather wished he hadn't... she opened her mouth to ask about it and then changed her mind. Maybe she didn't want to get that friendly with the man. After all, they didn't know anything about him except that he was a friend of the Captain's and Mr Smeed didn't care for him much.

Buddy had reported that he was a decent enough roommate. Quite, kept to himself… she'd seen him in the rec room a few times, but mostly he sat with Jack or Jack and Kam… she wondered if he was sleeping with them…but that was ridiculous.

Well. Maybe not. Jack was Jack and she doubted he'd garnered the reputation he had just by being full of lecherous remarks. Kam didn't look at sex the way the rest of them did… but she was sure he would have mentioned if Jack had invited Kyle into their bed… wouldn't he? Was he ok with it?

He certainly _seemed_ ok…

_At least Kyle's stopped dressing like a…_ like he was on the prowl for either his next sexual conquest or his next mark. _Or maybe both._ "Shit!" she cursed hard and loud when a hot wire grazed across the back of her hand. _**"Damn it!"**_ she added for good measure.

"You ok?" Julian asked her.

Roberta bit back an acerbic comment. Usually when people were all right they didn't start shouting 'shit' and 'damn it'. "I'll live," she told him, instead giving vent to her ire. She fished the anaesthetic spray out of her tool belt and blasted the angry red welt with cool mist, closing her eyes a moment to enjoy the rush of cold and the relief it brought to her skin.

Julian twisted around uncomfortably so he could see what she'd done to herself. "Shouldn't you get that looked at?" he sounded genuinely concerned, but she wasn't interested.

"I said I was fine. Just keep your eyes on your work."

"Yes, Ma'am," that time his tone was condescending.

Roberta put a clamp on her temper and went back to work. She was probably just irritable because the tubes were cramped and hot. Besides, if she hadn't been thinking about Julian in the first place, she wouldn't have gotten hurt. It was just a superficial burn, but she was still going to have to explain to the doc why she hadn't stopped what she was doing and gone straight to the infirmary… the ship was _her _patient and he came first. All things considered, it was a pretty minor injury.

"Do you have any more three-switches?" she asked then; they'd been working for a little over an hour and she was already out of threes and fives.

"Hang on, I think I have one more," he had to wriggle a bit to hand back to her. "If I'd known the shape his ship was in, I might have found some other old friend to hit up for a favour," he added, before turning back around to finish tightening down the lose plating he'd noticed. "I don't think I've ever seen such a mess."

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Roberta asked suddenly, quickly, before losing her nerve.

"I might even answer."

She rolled her eyes, wondering if she was going to regret making the effort…but she was going to be stuck with him for at least the duration of the trip. They'd definitely be stuck together for the duration of the night shift in the service tube, which was mighty close quarters, and he was a friend of the Captain's. While she didn't feel she owed Julian Kyle anything, she did owe Jack the benefit of the doubt for the faith he'd placed in her, in all of them. For the home he'd given them.

She pocketed the fried out three-switch she'd just pulled; with any luck she might be able to refurbish and recycle it once she got back to the engine room. They were quickly running out of small parts. "It's honestly none of my business," she began, "but… you and the Captain…"

"Despite what Jimmy seems to think, no, we were never involved, not like that anyway."

"You're _awfully_ familiar with the senior staff."

"Not half as familiar as I'd like to be," he teased.

_Right. I should have known better…_ she turned back to her work.

"Seriously though," Kyle's tone surprised her, "despite what _Mr _Smeed thinks, Jack and I were never lovers, Ms Tolbert. We never will be, either."

"It really isn't any of my business," she screwed the new three into place, fixing one more minor short. _But there was still a major short…_ according to the handheld sensor, there was an electrical drain somewhere on this level. Her mind went back to pirates and smugglers, the kinds of men and women who took what they wanted from people too weak to defend themselves. She didn't think of her Captain as weak, but the _Welshman_ wasn't armed. _Or if he is, I have no idea where Jack hides the guns._ She'd been in and out of nearly every inch of the ship… Kyle's voice brought her up out of her thoughts.

"On a ship this small most things are everybody's business, Ms Tolbert."

"What's your business, then?" she inquired.

"Are you sure you want me to answer that?" his tone gave her the impression she probably didn't.

"That depends. Can you work and talk at the same time?"

"I can multi-task," he was smirking again, she was sure of it.

"Do you _ever _give it a rest?"

"Only when I sleep. But I learnt from the best."

"I thought you just said…?" she asked accusingly.

He laughed. "I said we were never lovers, not that I haven't known him a long time. I know a lot more about your Captain than you do…do you have a six on you?"

"One left," she handed it up. "At this rate we're going to run out of parts before we run out of corridor."

"I was thinking the same thing," he agreed.

"So?" she prompted then, "you were saying?"

He paused less than a heart beat before replying calmly, "I'm a smuggler. Mostly."

Roberta felt the blood draining from her face. Nobody just _admitted _to something like that. Not to a complete stranger. Not even out in the middle of nowhere… in a cramped service tube… "Mostly?" she inquired, feeling suddenly incredibly uncomfortable.

"I do odds jobs here and there…not usually anything legal." His tone remained calm, casual, like he didn't care what she thought of that or of him, or how any of it reflected on the man who had brought him on board the ship.

"And I suppose if I asked, you'd tell me the Captain knows all about it, then?" she challenged him, although belatedly she realized it might have sounded like a threat…_not exactly your brightest move, Tolbert, _she chided herself.

Kyle just chuckled some more. "Like I said, I learnt from the best."

She was quiet a long moment before asking if she could inquire as to what he actually dealt in. After all, it wasn't as if there wasn't a black market for just about anything… of course there was no reason to believe he'd tell her the truth…

He twisted again, glancing over his shoulder, but his expression difficult to read. Whatever it was, he didn't look uncomfortable with her question. "I deal in whatever'll bring in the best return, whatever I can get my hands on. Whatever won't get me into too much trouble with the wrong people," he added with a wink. "But nothing immoral."

"It doesn't sound to me like morality enters into it at all," she told him, not making any special effort to keep her tone neutral.

He smirked. "Think about it this way, Ms Tolbert," he went back to work, but continued talking: "Major arms trading would draw the attention of the government pretty quick and drugs are nasty business all the way around. Sellers, users, middle men…any one of 'em would take a piece out of you as soon as look at you or shoot you dead for looking at them the wrong way." He shook his head. "If you want to go into something that's less than on the up and up, don't make it drugs or arms."

"What's left?"

"Goods. Anything anyone can't get legally—or easily. Or anything that anybody doesn't want to pay taxes on. You don't find cheating the Great and Bountiful out of a few bills immoral, do you?" his challenge was clear.

"No. It just sounds to me as if you're more interested in keeping your hide in tact than you are in doing the right thing—or at least not making a habit of doing the wrong thing."

"You might be surprised. Besides, I can't think of any more moral cause than keeping my own skin in tact. Do you have anything smaller than a number seven wire?" he asked then. "I think I just figured out what's been wreaking havoc down there."

"What?"

"Look here," he shone the beam of the small hand torch at a series of frayed wires up ahead of them, following the wires with his light all the way to the next circuit box. "This feeds into the main electrical for that deck."

Roberta frowned. The wire casings looked chewed open. "What the…?"

"My best guess is some kind of rodent got in here. Have you seen any signs of wildlife… not counting Jack, that is."

She started to glare, but couldn't keep it up; he had a point and clearly he'd meant it as a joke. "No. I haven't. Thankfully. I can't _stand_ rats," she shuddered, wondering if there were any still aboard.

"We'll be lucky if it was anything as tame as rats. We'd better rig up some sort of traps in case whatever chewed through those is still running around the ship."

Roberta agreed. "I have to go back for some more wiring to get that patched properly. I'll see what I can come up with for traps while I'm at it." She hesitating before asking if he'd be all right without her for a little while.

Julian shot a grin over his shoulder. "I'll manage."

"Hey," she tapped his foot. "Don't you _dare _muck anything up. This ship is my baby, too."

"I wouldn't dream of making a mess of him for you, Ms Tolbert. Even if I didn't respect you as an engineer, I know exactly what the Old Man would do to me I hurt his _Welshman._"

………………………………………………………………..

"You're looking awful pretty just to be in here," Buddy observed with a shy smile, when he walked into the hydroponics room. Since the electrical was acting up all over the ship, and since Roberta was stuck crawling through the duct work because he was too big, he figured he'd do what he could by looking in on individual rooms where trouble had been reported. He just hadn't expected to find Anneke Strickson working in the garden, wearing a dress, several hours before her shift was even supposed to start.

"There somebody whose eye you're trying to catch?" he teased; although he'd meant it as a joke, she obviously didn't take it as one.

"Can't a girl look pretty just for herself?" she asked in a defensive tone, heat rising in her cheeks. It was the first time she'd worn her new dress and it was her day off, so her hair was down and she'd spent just a few extra minutes curling it into place. She knew it had been a waste of time. Everybody aboard the _Welshman_ had seen her in grease covered overalls… but it felt nice to look pretty once in a while.

"I just figured with a new guy on board…" Buddy began.

She made an indignant little sound, cutting him off and registering her opinion of Mr Kyle quite clearly.

"I thought Kyle was the sort of fella every girl—maybe even a few of the guys—went for."

She settled her hands on her hips. "Why? Because he's got a few gold rings?"

"I was thinkin' more of that smile o' his."

Anneke gave the big engineer a dark, penetrating look.

"I'm not saying _**I **_fancy the guy…"

"Good. There's more to a man than gold rings or a stupid white-toothed grin."

Buddy grinned. "Stupid, huh?"

She didn't answer. "What are you doing in here anyway?"

"Checking out the electric. I wouldn't want to lose all this hard work to bad wiring. You erm… you might wanna get out of the way," he added a little awkwardly. "I've got to pull a couple of panels and I'd hate to see you get that pretty dress dirty."

"You really think it's pretty?" she blushed again.

"On you it is."

Her cheeks warmed all the more. "I could go change and come back and give you a hand," she offered. "I'm off—"

He waved it aside, "This won't take long. It's probably just a bad wire or switch that needs replacing."

"Half the wiring in this ship is shot," she grumbled. She'd been one of the extra hands drafted into finding the short in the sensor array.

"You're tellin' me," he hunkered down and tried to wriggle in to get to the access panel. Sometimes being big had its disadvantages.

"Why don't you let me get that…I won't get dirty just unscrewing a panel," she insisted.

"If you do, don't you dare get mad at me," he teased.

With clearly feigning indignation, Anneke snatched the screwdriver from his hand, momentarily thinking back to that sonic thing Jack had used on the Janus and Hestia… maybe he'd had a point about the usefulness of a sonic screwdriver after all. She knelt down carefully and went to work on the panel. "Damn it…it's stuck. Do you have any solvent in your kit?"

"Careful, this stuff is messy," he warned as he handed the can over.

"Believe it or not, I know that, Buddy," her indignation wasn't feigned that time.

"I'm just saying…"

"There." She stood up, four screws in hand and not a smear on her dress. "See?" she handed over the screws as well as his screwdriver. "The panel is all yours, Mr Garrison."

He accepted the screws with smile. "Never let me be the one to say you're not the prettiest mechanic I ever had the pleasure t' work with."

………………………………………………………………

Regretting asking Anneke to switch days off with her, An Cho hauled herself out of bed. She hadn't been sleeping anyway. She'd barely slept at all last night—day—had hardly eaten at dinner before coming to bed.

Today should have been her day off but she hadn't thought she wanted the day off…_days off_. Who in the galaxy gave days off on a ship like the _Welshman?_ On any ship smaller than a B Class transport, for that matter? What the Hell was it with Harkness? She scrubbed her hands over her face. She didn't want to think about him, didn't look forward to seeing him, either. Not tonight…

…………………………………………………………….

"An… are you all right?" Anna Raynor asked when, having nowhere else to go, she showed up in the infirmary.

"I—I don't mean to bother you— "

"No, it's no bother, come in. What's the matter?" Anna drew her towards her desk and sat her down. It looked like An had been crying. "Do you want a cup of coffee… or tea, maybe?"

"No. Thanks. I just… I needed… I needed not to be alone right now. It's…it's personal. I just… I was wondering if you needed a hand with something, maybe?" she asked hopefully.

"Sure, I could always use an extra pair of hands," Anna told her, mentally scrambling to come up with something she could get An to help her with. "I was going to re-organize the linens—not the most glamorous task in the world," she forced a smile. It sounded weak even to her. An, however, latched onto it like a drowning woman reaching for a lifeline.

"I don't mind. Where would you like me to start?"

"Let me just put a kettle on for some tea first, then we'll see what kind of mess the cabinets are in."

"Thanks."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **

Ok, so the first section is for WickedwitchoftheSE (and anyone else) who missed having Jack and Kam in the last chapter ;-)

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen:**

_"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."_

~Maria Robinson

* * *

When Kam came out of the shower, he discovered Jack setting the table. This time, however, he didn't fly into a panic. He smiled. "You weren't in bed when I got up." It wasn't quite a question. Jack was rarely in bed when he got up; he was getting used to waking up alone. Most of the time it didn't bother him at all…and even when it did, he would pull his lover's pillow close and inhale his scent, reminding himself that he loved him, that he'd promised him the rest of his life. _Forever._ Even if Jack wouldn't promise forever because he was too afraid to, Kam knew it _was_ forever. Jack would always love him and as long as he did, they would always be together.

"Roberta called me down to the engine room," Jack told him, then.

Kam's smile faltered a little. "Everything all right?" he wondered, pulling a clean t-shirt over his head.

"It was until you did that," the older man gathered him up into his arms. "I prefer you naked."

"I can't very well work my shift in the nude, now can I…" which was the wrong thing to have asked, he realized belatedly, as a puckish glint came into his Captain's blue eyes. "Don't get any ideas, Cariad. I am not working my shift in the nude, not even for you."

Jack pouted. It looked ridiculous; Kam didn't hesitate in saying as much, either. "You're over twenty five hundred years old, Jack. Don't you think you should be past the age when you're sulking like a child?"

"But I thought you said you'd do anything for me," he pouted a little harder.

"That never included walking around the ship naked in front of the entire crew and you know it," he retorted, his exasperation showing.

The pout became a mischievous smile. "What if I arranged it so we were the only people on board?"

"How would you do that?"

"I'm the Captain, remember? My ship, my rules."

Kam sighed. There was no winning. "I suppose if somehow you managed to get everybody off the ship and could guarantee that they weren't coming back any time soon, I might consider it. Although I can't for the life of me figure why you'd want me to wander around the ship in the nude."

"You wouldn't be wandering around," he told him, grinning all the more. "You'd be playing hide and seek with me." His brows shot up.

"Hide and seek? Naked?"

"The best way to play any game is naked," he smirked.

"I love you Jack," his tone was patronizing; it was intentional.

"I love you too," his tone wasn't patronizing. He leant in and found his young partner's lips with his own, kissing him long and hard.

By the time they got around to eating it, their breakfast was stone cold and Kam only barely remembered that he'd wanted to ask Jack what Roberta had needed…

……………………………………………………………

"Are you sure you don't want the night off?" Anna asked An Cho. Again. Over the past couple of hours, they'd cleared out the linen cabinet and inventoried two supply cupboards. "The bridge can run without a communications specialist," she added to the guilty look the other was wearing. "I have the authority—"

"No. I mean, I'm know you do, but… this was supposed to be my night off and I traded with Anneke. I wouldn't want the Captain getting angry at her over something that was my fault to begin with."

"I doubt he'll be angry if you're not feeling well."

An started to object to that, Captain's didn't care if a member of the crew was feeling a little under the weather, that was no excuse…only she knew better. Deep down—not so deep down—she knew that Harkness wasn't like anybody else she'd ever worked for. He did care about his crew. That's what bothered her the most about the man. She wanted to like him. To trust him… how long had it really been since she'd trusted anybody? Since she'd wanted to…

_But how can I possibly trust a man who…_ she swallowed back the painful lump in her throat, wishing she really was sick enough to take a night off. Tonight of all nights she didn't want the Captain and his Cyprian right in her face reminding her that she would never see her son again. Reminding her that lives could be bought and sold and the Empire didn't care. Nobody cared. She never should have traded shifts with Anneke, she just didn't want to sit alone in her cabin all night, either… _not tonight._

"I'll talk to Jack for you, if you like," Anna offered. "You can curl up here and sleep for a while—the dark circles under your eyes give it away, An," she added, seeing the question forming on the other's lips, wondering how she'd ever guessed that the other woman hadn't slept much. "If he does get angry, I'll take the blame, I'll tell him I ordered you to bed."

"You don't have to—"

"I'm a big girl, I can take handle it. I'm not afraid to stand up to the Captain. When it comes to the crew's health, I have the final say and he knows it."

An blinked at her. Everybody was afraid of the Captain…but that was another statement she knew wasn't true, not on this ship. Guilt still plagued her. This was her problem. "I never asked if it was all right to switch with Anneke…" she hadn't been able to deal with him and had figured that he wouldn't even notice. Why would he?

"I'll smooth it over. You just lie down. You can use my quarters, if you'd like. My bed's more comfortable…"

"I couldn't impose like that."

Anna smiled. "Than consider it an order," she kept her tone gentle. "Get yourself another cup of tea and make yourself comfortable. I'll be back in ten minutes."

"Anna…thank you. I—I never meant…that is… if you see Anneke…"

"Don't worry about it, just get some sleep. I'm going to lock the infirmary door on my way out so no one barges in on you."

"What if there's an emergency?"

"We do have an intercom system," she reminded the other woman, not that most of the crew used it. Just the same, she turned down the lights, waiting only until she'd seen An go through her cabin door to shut the infirmary door, locking it behind her. It was just a 'general lock'; the Captain, Mr Smeed and both engineers could override it easily in a real emergency, although she wasn't expecting to be gone long.

…………………………………………………………

"So can I buy you a cup of coffee?" Buddy teased at Anneke when he finally got the last panel back into place. She'd stuck around while he checked out the wiring in the entire hydroponics room, insisting on helping out, promising that she wouldn't get herself dirty. She'd managed to do both admirably.

"Buy me, huh?" she grinned right back.

He put the last of his tools back into his kit. "Best I can do until we come to someplace where I _can_ actually buy a cuppa."

"Are you asking me out on a date, Mr Garrison?" she inquired in a saucy tone.

He blushed. "No! I mean… I just meant… of course not!" he floundered, reddening more with each word that tumbled awkwardly out of his mouth. He knew better than to expect anybody, especially someone as pretty as Anneke Strickson, to ever want to go on a 'date' with him.

"That's a shame," Anneke's tone suggested a mix of playfulness and sincerity. "Because if it was, I would have said yes." She flashed an odd little smie and excused herself, leaving the big man feeling gobsmacked.

Anneke made her retreat as quickly as dignity would allow; why would Buddy want to take her out on a date, anyway, she wondered.

"Why would anybody?" she muttered angrily under her breath.

As far as any of the rest of the crew were concerned, she was still just a kid. But damn it, it wasn't fair! Kam was barely a year older than her…not even a year. Seven months, maybe? She reckoned about that, they'd celebrated his birthday a few months ago and hers was just a month away, but they didn't treat _him _like a kid!

"Just because I've never…" she felt heat overtaking her cheeks and was glad (although not particularly surprised) to find the cabin she and Lach shared unoccupied. He was almost always in the mess...or with Kai.

She was glad they'd found each other, truly she was. She liked Lach and Kai both. Lach had never treated her like a stupid little kid and Kai had stopped after he and Lach got together—although she wasn't sure if that was because of anything the cook had said or some conclusion he'd come to on his own.

At the moment, however, she didn't want to see either of them, she didn't want one more thing to remind her that she was doomed to be single for the rest of her life…

_Maybe I should take Julian up on his offer…__**multiple**__ offers,_ she brooded, flopping down, stomach first, onto her bunk. It wasn't as if she didn't find Jule attractive…God was he gorgeous… and he really wasn't half bad once you got past the fact that he was constantly doing his best 'Jack Harkness' imitation.

Anneke rolled over and stared up at the stained metal ceiling, pondering that moment, twisting her hair between her fingers. To look at them, she was pretty sure Jule was older than Jack by at least five years. "But Julian's the immolator," she chewed on the ends of her hair thoughtfully. Well…she was sure it wasn't _all_ an act, Jule was definitely letch and she had no doubts he'd bed her even though she had exactly _no _experience in that area. Heck, he might even be willing to teach her a thing or two for when she was with someone she really cared about being with. She filed that thought away for further consideration…

But it was pretty obvious that Julian put a great deal of energy into laying the whole lecherous thing on way too thick. It was obvious when Jack was laying it on too thick, too… only with Jack, it was like he _knew _he was laying it on thick, he did it on purpose, just to see what kind of a rise he could get out of people. Jule didn't seem to realize that.

"None of which helps the fact that I just made a right royal fool of myself with Buddy," she sulked, feeling miserable.

Maybe instead of talking to Julian, she should talk to Jack…only the last thing she wanted was to come between him and Kam…unless of course she talked to both of them… _that_ thought brought a fresh burst of heat to her cheeks.

_But what a way to lose my virginity,_ she mused.

……………………………….………………………….

Jack ran nearly headlong into Anna as he came out of his quarters carrying his and Kam's breakfast dishes.

"You look like a woman on a mission," he observed with a wan smile. He suspected that whatever it was, it involved him. There were days when he wished somebody else could be in charge, just for a little while, just so he could curl up in bed with Kam for the rest of the day and forget the rest of the universe existed.

"Mind if I walk with you?" Anna asked.

He motioned for her to follow him towards the lift. "What can I do for you, Doc?"

"I've got An in the infirmary—"

"Is she all right?"

"Yes and no."

He gave her a quizzical look; they came to the lift. Jack hit the pressure pad with his elbow and stood aside for her to go in ahead of him.

"Has anybody ever told you that it really isn't necessary to be that much of a gentleman?"

He smirked. "Do you think I'd listen if they did?"

"Point taken." Just the same, she pressed the button for the next deck down before Jack dropped something just to prove his point.

"What's wrong with Ms Cho?" he queried after the doors slid shut.

"I'm not sure. She's been down in the infirmary for the last couple of hours helping me clean cupboards."

His brows knit together. "So?"

"So I didn't have any cupboards that needed cleaning, she just appeared at my door asking for something to do because she didn't feel like being alone."

His frown deepened; An was the one member of his crew he saw the least of off duty. Hell, he saw members of the day shift more than he saw her… "I was under the impression she preferred to be alone."

"That's why I…I'm…worried about her, Jack," she struggled, having a hard time putting words to her feelings. An hadn't said anything except that it was personal, but she couldn't shake the sense that something was really wrong. "She doesn't look like she slept at all last night. I suppose it might have just been insomnia," Anna added, "but I just get the feeling there's something more going on with her than she's willing to talk to me about."

He mulled it over a minute. "If she wants the night off, that's fine with me. Tell her I said to get some rest and I'll see her tomorrow."

"It might be better if you told her that yourself, Jack."

"I doubt that."

Anna gave over a speculative look. "Is there something you'd like to share?" she asked of his tone.

He took a breath and let it out again. He was the Captain. This was his ship. These people were his responsibility. That included An Cho. _And maybe it really is past time to clear the air,_ he reckoned. He didn't want to inadvertently put Anneke…or Anna for that matter… in the middle of it, but if An wasn't going to deal with it, with him, maybe he was going to have to be the one to deal with her. _Because I'm the bloody Captain,_ he thought sourly. "Let me drop this stuff off in the mess and I'll come down to the infirmary," he said, in a more carefully neutral tone.

"If she's asleep, I'd like to let her rest."

He nodded in agreement. "If she's up I'll talk to her, otherwise you can tell her I said I was I'm fine with her taking the night off and… and I'll see to her later if she wants to talk to me." _Or even if she doesn't._


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen:**

_"Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives."_

Richard Bach

* * *

An unlaced her heavy boots and slid them off her feet before settling down on Anna's bed neatly made, soft little bed. It wasn't actually any more comfortable than her own neatly made bed, and once she had her own cabin, her room would only be a bit smaller than the quarters afforded the medical officer.

Her own cabin.

Why was a man like Harkness wasting space giving them their own cabins? The only people who got their own quarters, especially on ships the size of the _Welshman,_ were people who mattered. She didn't matter. Her job here wasn't even crucial to the ship's day to day operations and she knew it.

An pulled her legs up under her and sipped at her tea, trying very hard not to think about the conversation Anna was having with the Captain on her behalf. She doubted that she would lie—she wouldn't want her to. _But what kind of excuse could she possibly come up with that would excuse me from my shift?_ Even if her job wasn't important, that didn't mean she could just beg out any time she felt like it, just because…she choked back a sob.

Twenty five. He would be twenty five today… _if he's still alive._

She stared into her tea as a fresh onslaught of tears trickled down her face. She could keep from crying as long as someone else was around, but as soon as she was alone, all she could think about was an eight year old boy, clinging to her, begging her not to send him away…

_"I don't wanna go! Mama, I don't wanna go!"_

No matter how much she cooed and shushed, he wouldn't stop crying, wouldn't let go…

_"I'll be back for you," she promised…. _

They'd **_promised_** her she could have him back. All she had to do was pay back his contract. That would be easy once she was Certified; a Certified Specialist could make a lot of money.

In the meantime, they would take good care of him, he would have a good life. An easy life. Clean clothes, his own room. Three good meals, every day. He wouldn't have to work hard. The little ones just cleaned up for a few hours a day. They swept the floors, picked up after the Servers. She was sure she would have enough money to buy back his contract before he ever…

She bit back another sob when she heard the small chime announce that the infirmary door had opened. Since Anna had locked it, it had to be her… she didn't want the medic to see her crying, not like this. She didn't want to have to explain how she had sold her own son to a Red House, how she'd been foolish enough to think she would ever get him back. Ever even see him again.

She hurried into the small lavatory to splash some cool water on her face, just as the cabin door slid open.

"An?"

"I'm in here… Captain!" An breathed when she saw him standing behind Anna. _Oh god… _he looked angry. Her gut churned.

She turned off the water quickly and dried her face, acutely aware of what she must look like standing there in nothing but a camisole and an old button down shirt, a long patchwork skirt… her stocking feet… "I'm sorry, Sir—"

He waved it off. "At ease, Crewman."

"Do you feel up to a visitor?" Anna asked in a kind tone.

An nodded; it wasn't like she could actually say no. He was the Captain. This was his ship, he could do whatever he wanted, any time he wanted.

He gave the doc a speculative look. "Anna…?" he nodded to the door, a clear indication that he wanted her to leave.

She looked from him to An and back again, wondering if she'd made the right call when she asked him to come down himself. An looked like she'd been crying. Maybe she should have just let her rest…and Jack was waiting for her answer. For her to leave the room. He might have phrased it as a request, but she was pretty sure by the look on his face that he would make it an order if she pushed him… she could refuse… but she didn't.

"I'll be just outside," she said more for An's benefit. She looked terrified…but why would anyone be terrified of Jack? Maybe once upon a time, but they'd served with him for over seven months now and as far as she knew everybody felt safe here. Reluctantly, she hit the pressure plate behind her, closing the door, and went to make herself a cup of tea.

"Sir, I'm sorry, Sir," An began again as soon as they were alone in the room. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble."

He waved it off a second time. "Have a seat," he told her, nodding towards the sitting area.

Hesitantly, An did as she was bidden, perching on the edge of the nearest chair, her hands folded in her lap, her gaze focused anxiously on his face.

He didn't sit. His expression was difficult to read…cold. Angry. But he had ever right to be angry with her.

"If—I—" she cleared her throat, wishing she knew exactly what Anna had told him. "I can manage my shift tonight, Sir. I really didn't mean to cause any trouble." The last thing she wanted was for him to take out his anger on Anna… or Anneke…or… or on Kam Anders. Not that it was Mr Anders' fault, but he would be an easy target… more tears welled up unbidden. She closed her eyes but they slid past anyway.

The hand on her shoulder startled her; his touch was much gentler than she ever would have expected. She looked up, but she still couldn't read anything in his expression. "I didn't sleep well last night," she found herself telling him the truth.

"If you want to talk…"

"No, Sir. Thank you, Sir," she wiped the moisture from her cheeks. He was the last person in the galaxy who would understand. How could he?

He stepped back again and slid his hands into his trouser pockets. "Look, just get some rest and don't worry about your shift."

She swallowed, but the lump wouldn't leave her throat. "Thank you, Sir," she managed in a soft voice. "It won't happen again."

"Don't worry about it," he repeated.

She just nodded. She expected him to leave…but he didn't.

He sat down in the chair opposite her, leaning forward, just a little. Just enough to make her uncomfortable.

"Ms Cho… if… if you've got a problem with me or any other member of this crew, or if there's something you want to say, my door is always open."

She blinked at him, startled. "I'm not sure I understand, Sir."

"I know you don't like me," he said in as gentle a tone as he could muster. "I'm not sure what I've done to earn that," he told her, even though it wasn't true. But he didn't reckon that telling her what Anneke Strickson had said would be a good start to the conversation he was trying to have.

Even so, she looked like the wind had been knocked out of her. "I—I apologize if—if I've given you that impression or if you're unhappy with my performance on the bridge…"

"This isn't about your job performance," he said, cutting her off. "You're better at what you do than anybody on this ship, I hope you know that."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Ms Cho…An."

She looked up, meeting his gaze fully for the first time.

"If there's something you'd like to get out in the open, something you want to say…?" he let it trail off, hoping she would talk to him. "I'd like to think I've earned at least a little bit of trust," he went on, equally hopefully, even though she still wasn't talking. He didn't honestly know what he'd ever done to give her the impression that he _owned_ Kam. "Or if I haven't earned it, I'd like to," he told her in an earnest tone. "You just have to talk to me."

She looked at him for a very long moment as if unsure of what to say… as if she wanted to trust him at his word but was afraid to. "You… you seem like a good Captain, Sir, a good person to work for. You're more fair…" she faltered, almost tearing up again. "You're more than fair, Sir. You haven't done anything… nothing to me… and what you do… your personal life is your own business, Captain. I like working for you, Sir. I… I'd like to continue working for you."

"I'm not trying to give you the sack, Ms Cho."

She frowned, "The what?"

"Sorry. It's an old expression. It means I'm not trying to tell you I want you to leave. I know you're a Certified Communications Specialist and I know I'm lucky to have you."

Her gaze fell back to that same spot on the floor. "I used to be Certified, Sir," he voice was barely audible.

"I won't ask you what happened. If you want to talk about it, like I said, my door is always open. There isn't much you can't say to me, An," he told her; she looked up at him again. "Believe me, I've had people who worked for yell at me… swear at me. I've never let anyone go just for expressing their opinion or for disagreeing with me." _Sara Sidle…_ he remembered a brown haired, brown eyed American woman who had torn him a new one more than once… and Gwen… _my God did we butt heads…_ "The only time I ever told anyone to get off my ship was when I found out they were hurting a member of my crew. That's the one thing I won't stand for. I'm only sorry I wasn't paying enough attention to see it sooner, that Kam had to get hurt as badly as he did before I saw what was happening right under my nose."

She swallowed hard at the mention of Mr Anders' name, but didn't say anything. What was there to say?

"I don't know if your problem is with Cyprians in general or with Kam personally," he told her bluntly; An's head snapped up so that she met his gaze, although she didn't quite look him directly in the eye this time. "It's obvious you have some problem with him, Ms Cho. Or with me. If you want to talk about it…" he offered again, in a carefully neutral tone. "I meant what I said about my door being open and there being anything you can say to me. Even if I don't like it, I'll listen."

She drew in a ragged breath, shaking her head. "There's nothing… nothing I want to talk about."

"Then I'd appreciate it if whatever it is, you'd get over it, because Mr Anders is my partner. My friend. My lover. He's _not_ my property. If it ever comes to it, I _will_ choose him over any member of this crew. Do we understand each other?"

"Yes, Sir. Perfectly."

"All right." He got to his feet; she followed suit. "Get some rest," he told her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes, Sir. Captain I—I… I'm sorry."

He wasn't sure if she was saying that she was sorry for missing her shift or her assumptions about his and Kam's relationship; he decided it didn't matter. "Apology accepted."

……………………………………………………………..

By the time Jack got onto the bridge, the night shift was already in place. Smeed gave him an inquisitive look, glancing at the empty comm officer's chair.

"Ms Cho's under the weather tonight," he told his First Officer as simply as he could.

Jimmy scowled a little harder. "Cho's off duty tonight. Ms Strickson…"

Jack waved it off. "We're under control here," he said, sliding into Cho's seat. "Unless you don't think I can handle these two all by my self," his brows shot up as he glanced at Carsten and Kam.

Heat overtook Carsten's cheeks; Kam hid his smirk and pretended not to notice.

Smeed just chuckled. "I would never be one to accuse you of not being able to handle the crew, Jackie. Have a good shift boys," he added in the younger crewmen's direction.

They nodded in return, as Jack, smirking, went to work… his mind was elsewhere, however.

Partner.

Lover.

_Kam… _his fingers moved over the rings on the chain around his neck…


	19. Chapter 19

**As always, many, many, many thank yous!! **

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen:**

_Always the innocent are the first victims.... __  
So it has been for ages past, so it is now._

J. K. Rowling

* * *

Mr Anders is my partner. My friend. My lover.

The Captain's words echoed in An's mind as she curled in on her self, on top of Anna's little bed, tears still streaming down her face; she'd given up trying to stop crying. It was always bad on his birthday, but to day seemed worse than she remembered it being before. Maybe it was because for the first time in seventeen years she'd found herself someplace good…someplace safe. No matter how much she wanted to hate Jack Harkness, she knew she was safe here.

_If you want to talk about it, like I said, my door is always open…_

His words again. His voice. The kindness she didn't _want_ to see in his eyes because the whole damned universe was corrupt so why should one man be any different from all the rest…

_There isn't much you can't say to me, An. I've had people who worked for me yell at me… swear at me. I've never let anyone go just for expressing their opinion or for disagreeing with me…_

The more she believed him, the harder she cried, the more she hurt because maybe if she'd known someone like him seventeen years ago…maybe if there had been one person she could have turned to, one person willing to help her…

"I tried," she whispered, as if her son could hear her, "I tried so hard. I'm sorry." _I'm __**so **__sorry._

Even after she got her Certification, she couldn't find a good job, the kind of job she'd been counting on. It wasn't like in the ads she'd seen on the vid, where companies were lining up outside the little academe to snap up new graduates and whisk them off to high paying jobs in shiny new office buildings.

_Her _first job was on a penal colony on the fringes of the galaxy. It paid next to nothing and on top of that, they docked her wages at every turn. Room and board, uniform, medical care... any mistake, no matter how small, any slight that her Supervisors considered insubordination meant a cut in her wage for the week, sometimes two.

It didn't take An long to realize that the Supervisors were looking for excuses to short the crew. If they kept overhead down, _they_ got fat bonuses at the end of their contracts. The best way to cut back on costs was to pay out less money to the people under them. They certainly couldn't cut back on food or safety any more than they had already. Working conditions were just barely within legal limits as it was; she knew they were charged more for room and board than room and board were actually worth, but there was no one to complain to and it was worse elsewhere. So like everybody else, she kept her mouth shut and did her job.

She learned to look at the floor instead of anybody's face. She learned to say 'yes Sir' and 'yes Ma'am.' She learned how to avoid getting cornered because when she was cornered she knew the only answer she could give was 'yes Sir', 'yes Ma'am'.

She counted down the calendar until the contract was up and left, but her next job was no better. Her third was no better than her first or second. She gave up. It didn't get better. It didn't matter. She took whatever jobs she could get, kept her head down and saved every scrap of pay she earned.

By the time she finally had enough money scraped together, her son was nineteen. Serving. She didn't know if he would remember her…forgive her… and in the end, it didn't matter. He wasn't there. The Red house had sold his contract to some private party.

To someone like Jack Harkness who could afford anything he wanted, even the life of another human being.

_Mr Anders is my partner. My friend. My lover. _

Partner…friend…lover…

_He's not my property. If it ever comes to it, I will choose him over any member of this crew… _

His tone had been impossible to dismiss… impossible to disbelieve.

But why would anybody… _why would he spend as much money as he must have spent on Anders and not consider him property?_ It didn't make any sense. Nothing about Harkness made sense!

_The only time I ever told anyone to get off my ship was when I found out they were hurting a member of my crew. That's the one thing I won't stand for. I'm only sorry I wasn't paying enough attention to see it sooner, that Kam had to get hurt as badly as he did before I saw what was happening right under my nose._

She hoped her son _had_ ended up with someone like Jack Harkness because at least then he would be safe.

……………………………………………………..

Waking up and looking at the small digital readout on the clock next to Anna's bed was the only indication An had that she'd fallen asleep... four hours ago. She groaned; she didn't feel like she'd slept at all. She didn't remember her dreams—it was probably a blessing.

She sat up slowly; she felt like shit. It was more than not sleeping much…crying herself dry. Her whole body hurt. She pulled herself out of Anna's bed and walked into her little bathroom to wash her face with cold water. She straightened up the medic's bed before going out into the infirmary to see if she was still in… the lights were down and Anna was asleep on one of the patient-beds. An felt guilty.

"Anna…?" she whispered softly. She didn't want to wake her, but her own bed had to be more comfortable than the narrow little bunk she was curled up on. "Anna?"

"Hmmmph…An?"

"Hey. Sorry. You can have your bed back," she told her softly. "Thank you."

The medic pulled herself up into a sitting position. "You sure? I don't mind…"

"I'm good. Thank you," she said again.

"You're welcome. Hey—" she caught the other's arm. "If you ever want to talk, about anything…" she gave a speculative look. The Captain had left without a word; he hadn't looked at all happy.

"No. I—I don't want to impose any more than I have already." _And I wouldn't want you to hate me for what I did,_ she thought.

"It's no imposition. Honestly," she rocked her head from side to side, stretching out a couple of kinks that had developed while she'd been napping. "Why don't we go down to the mess and get some coffee?"

"I…" she hesitated. It was going on midshift, so the first of the crew would be beginning to breaking for lunch. She wasn't sure she was up to being around other people just yet. Anna seemed to understand perfectly.

"Or I could put on a pot in here," she offered. "James stole me a couple of pounds of beans out of Jack's private stash," she shot over a conspiratorial wink.

An blinked at her, disbelieving. It was one thing to let her off tonight but...

"It's no big deal—the Captain knows," Anna assured her.

"He knows?"

"I kinda gave myself away the day I offered him a cup I'd made down here," she told her, hauling herself out of the bed. "I'll grind the coffee if you fill the pot. I keep it in the cabinet under the counter there," she nodded towards the cupboard in question.

An couldn't believe what she was hearing. If she'd ever taken something that didn't belong to her…accepted something that had been stolen… "You're sure he doesn't mind?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, he's pretty easy going. It's probably the same coffee Lach uses in the mess, Kam just… does something to it," she shrugged helplessly. She had no idea why his coffee was better than anybody else's. "I asked once, but all I could get out of him was an innocent smile. You ok?" she asked; An looked like somebody had hit her.

"Yeah," she lied. "I guess maybe I'm just a little…on edge," she admitted. But she didn't want to go back to sleep and muddle up her entire internal clock…

…………………………………………………………

"What the _Hell_ is that?" Roberta asked in disgust when she and Julian pulled the first creature out of one of their traps. It had taken both of them to rig something together, after they'd patched up the wiring, which in itself had taken most of the shift. She was just heading off for a much needed shower and some sleep when Julian called her back down to engineering.

"That _isn't_ a rat," she added of the…thing…that had been crushed in the trap. It looked like some sort of insect, but it wasn't like anything she'd ever seen before…she was sure it must have about a million legs—or at least ten or twelve. And it was _huge _(bigger than any rat she'd ever seen, at any rate). She was entirely grateful that it was dead.

Julian was laughing. At her. Not hard, and he even seemed to be trying not to, but clearly he couldn't help it. "It's a Ladrii dung beetle… sort of a giant cockroach."

"It has too many legs to be a cockroach."

He lost his battle with the laughter, "It only has ten legs, Ms Tolbert. I'm sorry…it's just…your expression…"

She smacked his arm hard enough to hurt, but he didn't even flinch. _Hmph! _"Where the Hell did we pick _that_ up?" she grumbled.

"Omega's full of 'em. A friend of mine told me they came in on a Darvosian freight transport about a year ago and have been crawling through the station ever since. They get into everything, chew on everything… and they're pretty tasty if you can catch one," he added with a grin. "Gut it, clean it, peel off the legs and wings… add a little spice…"

She made a face. "You can keep it, thanks." She was suddenly tempted to be like Anna and become a vegetarian.

Julian shrugged. "Sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do, Ms Tolbert," he said. "As meal options go, these ugly little guys aren't so bad."

Although she was pretty sure he hadn't meant it as anything more than an idle (or perhaps flippant) comment, his observation was poignant just the same. Roberta could imagine that people without food…without anything…really would do, or eat, whatever they had to, to survive. "Just get it out of my engine room," she told him. "We can figure out what we're going to do about this after I've had a cup of coffee. And a shower."

"Is that an invitation?" he queried, brows raised.

"No." But for once, she didn't mean it quite as venomously as it had come out.

………………………………………………………………

After a shower, An made her way to the mess for a quick breakfast… most of the rest of the nightshift had come and gone by the time she got there, but Lach didn't seem to mind her late arrival. She had just started eating when Julian Kyle came in. He went straight into the kitchen to have a word with the cook…

"Is everything all right?" she asked Lach, after Kyle left and he came out to join her for a cup of coffee.

"Apparently we've got ourselves a little problem. You'd better finish that up. The Captain's going to be calling for all hands on deck any minute now…"

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

_"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car,  
but because they sing a song only you can hear."_

_Anon._

* * *

"All right, Kids, here's the situation," Jack stood up, although he probably hadn't had to. The entire crew, seated around the mess, fell silent the moment he opened his mouth.

The only crewman missing was Mr Smeed; somebody had to remain on the bridge to keep things running smoothly while the rest of them dealt with the situation at hand. "We seem to have picked up some bugs on Omega," the Captain went on, shooting Julian a look, as if daring him to turn that into a comment… wisely, the younger man held his tongue.

Jack and Kam had been the first to arrive in the mess, barely fifteen minutes ago. When they arrived, they found An Cho and Lach McLean already there, having a cup of coffee together—the Captain was fairly certain it was the first time he'd seen Ms Cho socializing with the gorgeous cook.

(If he hadn't had Kam, he definitely would have let Lach cook him up a thing or two in their spare time…shared a few of his own favourite 'recipes', maybe… it wouldn't have been anything more than something to pass the time, but it would have been fun. That was why, he realized, he was so genuinely happy that McLean and Jennings had found each other. They were both good guys, they deserved a shot at something _real_, which was something he could never have given either.)

When he and Kam had walked in, Cho looked up from her conversation with the cook and offer up…well, Jack couldn't quite call it a smile, but it was better than he'd ever gotten from her before.

Not that a single crewman's opinion of him was foremost in his mind at the moment. Just the same, he couldn't help leaning just a little closer to his partner. Couldn't help a quick glance down at Kam, _just_ to see those gorgeous brown eyes looking up at him. They shared a brief smile and he went back to outlining exactly why having an infestation of insects on the _Welshman_ was a serious problem—although he suspected that he wasn't telling the crew anything they didn't know already. Beyond the obvious issue of having the electrical chewed on, pests could get into the food supply, eating or contaminating it. And more so than rodents or other mammals, insects reproduced at an alarming rate.

"Which is why I've interrupted your beauty sleep," he concluded, giving an apologetic glance to the night shift. "Even if we only picked up one or two of these things on Omega, they've had enough time to go through one, possibly two breeding cycles. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Ladrii dung beetle, they can lay up to five hundred eggs at a time. We need to get this under control and we need to do it now." What he didn't mention was that they were already well out of range of any sort of help, although again, it wasn't anything he reckoned they didn't already know.

Living on the margins of the Empire meant that help of any sort, other ships, emergency outposts or even habitable planets, was always further away than if they had been closer to the hub of Human territory. Three days ago, they'd crossed out of Human space all together. Unlike when he'd been searching for the _Janus and Hestia, _however, they were headed into a part of space where humans seldom travelled, and the aliens who might answer if they sent out a distress call weren't necessarily going to be predisposed to being friendly…

Jack doled out the assignments quickly:

Fielding, Stasi, Strickson and Garrison had the cargo hold and loading dock. Julian and Roberta would tackle the engine room. He, Kam, Carsten, Cho, McLean and Jennings would split up to search the main decks and crew quarters. The Doc, Leah and Chinball would be responsible for the upper decks.

"Remember, people, these things can get into anything. You'll need to look through every nook, every cranny, every shaft, every vent…every desk, bin and plant pot," he barely realized the words that had come out of his mouth. "If you find an egg sack, it goes straight into the incinerator. And remember, these guys can be nasty, so don't get too close if you can avoid it. I want you working in pairs--or threes," he glanced at the three crewmen he'd assigned to the upper decks. He gegan passing out traps and small, short range tazer guns. "These should deliver enough of a jolt to kill the bugs," he said of the latter.

"'Should'?" Liza Fielding gave him an incredulous look. The Captain hadn't exactly sounded convincing just then.

He shrugged. "I've never used a stun gun on a Ladrii beetle before." He still hated killing anything he didn't absolutely have to…but this was a case of absolutely having to. "Ok, Kids, if there are no more questions…?" he looked around the room, not expecting anyone to have any.

"Captain," Anneke spoke up so quietly he barely heard her. She cleared her throat and stood up, looking nervous. _Not _looking at Buddy Garrison, but trying not to make a point of not looking at him, either. She focused her attention quickly on the Captain. "Sir, I'm one of the smallest people here…that is, Sir…I'd probably be better at getting into some of the ductwork on the main decks. If I remember correctly, the ducts are smaller furhter up…?" she gave him a nervous, hopeful look.

He frowned, just slightly. Then he nodded. "Good point, Miss Strickson. Looks like you three are stuck with me," he shot a smirk in the direction of the big engineer and pair of salvage experts…then his gaze went back to Kam. "Be careful up there," he told him. "That goes for all of you," he added to the rest of the room.

……………………………………………………….

"Captain…got a sec?" Buddy asked in a shy tone as he and Jack split off from Liza and Avi to start going through the far end of the storage rooms.

"If you can look and talk at the same time, sure," he replied amiably. He gave a glance over his shoulder. Buddy had never—well almost never—called him Captain. "What can I do for you?" he asked.

"I erm…that is…" he hesitated, cleared his throat. "There are certain areas where I don't have a whole lot of experience," he said, sounding more uncertain than ever; he very distinctly didn't meet Jack's gaze. "And…that is… I thought…I thought maybe…well, I reckon you do, if you don't mind my saying so, Sir."

"What 'areas' are we talking about, Mr Garrison?" he inquired in a neutral tone. Was Buddy _blushing?_

The engineer cleared his throat again. "It erm…it's about… it's about a girl. That is, one of the crewmen. Crew women," he floundered. "It's just… it's I think I goofed up…only…only how was I t'know she was being serious! Who would flirt with a guy like me?" he spread his hands wide in helplessness.

"Why wouldn't somebody flirt with you?" Jack wanted to know. The sincerity of his tone seemed to startle the other man.

"Sir. I know what I look like."

The Captain regarded him a moment. He knew Buddy didn't sit around feeling sorry for himself...but he supposed the man had a point. He probably wasn't on the recieving end of flirtatious attention. "Why don't you start by telling me 'she' who," he suggested. He already knew who was paired off with whom, or who would like to be paired off with whom (and he sorely he wished Stasi would take his head out of his own butt and notice what was right in front of him instead of following Leah around like a lost pup all the time...but she didn't seem to mind too much.)

He returned his gaze and his thoughts to the big man working next to him. Shipboard romance could either be fantastic or an abysmal disaster… but he didn't honestly think Roberta was looking to trade in for a new boyfriend any more than Kai, Lach, Leah or Anna or Jimmy for that matter… or Carsten, because he was pretty sure it might be a possibility, although that was really just conjecture on his part.

And Buddy was still looking at him helplessly. "I just… how do you know when somebody's flirting with you for real and when they're just funning around or…or just being nice?" he asked, the last bit coming out in a sullen tone.

Jack understood the real question. How could he trust that it was real and not somebody feeling sorry for him. "Well… there's flirting and there's flirting, if you know what I mean, Mr Garrison," he shot a lascivious grin in the other man's direction.

"Captain, you're not helping."

"Sorry. Not that I wouldn't you know."

He nearly dropped trap he'd been about to set.

"You don't think you're the first man with enhanced parts I've ever said that to, do you?" his tone was very carefully pitched to make his point clear; poor Buddy turned beet red.

"I'm serious, Jack!"

He laughed, but made sure his tone held enough sincerity so that the other would understand. "I am too. Or do I have to kiss you to prove my point?"

"No. Thanks. I think." He paused a moment. "Would you?" he wondered aloud.

"That depends," the older man smirked in return. "Do you want me to?"

"I hope you won't be too offended if I say 'no', I'd rather you didn't. I just wondered. You really would though, wouldn't you?" he finished setting the trap.

"I'd take you all the way to my bed if I didn't have Kam—or if he felt like a threesome."

Buddy turned redder still, something Jack didn't think was possible.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" the Captain offered. "Maybe then I could be a little more objective."

The other man heaved a sigh and started from the beginning… "…and you saw the way she got outta working with me," he said when he'd finished. "What do I do?"

"I guess that all depends on how you feel about Miss Strickson," the Captain answered. Buddy didn't have to answer, his expression gave him away. "Well then. It's pretty obvious. Ask the girl out on a date."

"Where? We won't be landing for another month."

Jack mulled it over a minute, slowly smiling. "Maybe it's time we had another movie night..."


	21. Chapter 21

**Again, many thanks for the reviews! **Ok, I officially don't know quite where this is going (ok, I *do* know where it's going eventually, it just is taking longer to get there than I'd planned, meandering around a bit...hoping to cap it off at 35 chapters...)

* * *

Chapter Twenty One:

"_Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her:  
but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game."_

Voltaire

* * *

Even Jack was tired by the time he and Kam got to their quarters at the end of their regular shift. It had taken nearly the entire dayshift to sweep the ship; fifteen egg sacks had been found and incinerated. He hoped that was all of them.

A dozen beetles had also been killed; two crewmen were injured, fortunately not seriously. Traps had been set throughout the ship and the crew would continue to sweep the ship every other day for the next few weeks… _I just hope we got to them in time…_ the Captain thought sullenly as he peeled himself out of his shirt. He'd been on more than one ship that had found itself in serious trouble due to 'pests'—of all of them, insects were the worst.

The crew seemed to be handling the situation, though; that made all the difference in the world, and Jack knew it. When he'd asked the day shift to take a couple of extra hours on duty, so the night crew could get a little sleep, no one had so much as grumbled, at least not within his hearing. He didn't think they'd done it behind his back, either. He was more gratified by that than he could begin to express… unexpectedly, he found a pair of gentle hands on his shoulders. He groaned softly in response to the touch.

"Damn. You're good at that," he murmured as Kam massaged some of the knots out of his sore shoulder muscles. He smiled.

Kam. His partner.

His lover.

His friend.

His fingers reached for the rings again… he couldn't marry him, but… but would he want another man's ring?

He didn't get much time to think about it. "If you'd like to come lie down, I can get the rest of your back," the younger man offered sweetly, placing a kiss in the middle of his spine.

Although Jack felt guilty—Kam had worked just as hard as he had over the last twenty four hours—he didn't quite know how to make himself refuse, but he still hesitated.

"Come on, Cariad," Kam tugged him over to the bed, coaxing him to lie on his stomach. Then he straddled the Captain's waist and went to work.

"Have I mentioned how much I love you?" Jack asked, teased really, even though it was true, his voice muffled by the pillow under his head.

"Only once or twice," the younger retorted in a playful tone. He pressed a soft kiss to the back of the older man's neck. "And I love you too, by the way."

Jack smiled into the pillow… he let himself relax and enjoy the younger man's touch. He had the most amazing hands… he seemed to be able to find every knot and ease it out gently…_ incredibly_ gently. And he knew he was being selfish, Kam had to be exhausted… Jack promised himself that he would treat his partner to similar pampering tomorrow… maybe the next day. Maybe a nice dinner first, a movie… just the two of them. _A date._ He smiled.

He only wished he had a tub, a real proper bathtub. He would love to run a tub filled with bubbles, scented soap… light candles all over the place… or at least the little faux candles they used on the ship. Wine…or maybe hot chocolate.

"You still awake?" Kam asked softly; Jack's breathing had become deep and even.

"Mostly." Then he turned his head so he could talk to him without talking into his pillow. "Buddy Garrison asked my advice on flirting tonight."

Kam's gave him a quizzical expression. "Buddy asked your advice?"

"Why is _that _so hard to believe?" Jack wanted to know.

The younger man chuckled. "I was just wondering what he did when you stuck your tongue down his throat is all."

"I did no such thing. Not that I wouldn't," he groaned when Kam found a particularly nasty knot in his lower back. "Oh, God. I did tell you that I loved you, right?"

The younger just chuckled some more. "So…why was Buddy asking you about flirting?" he prompted.

"I think it has something to do with Anneke Strickson," he said after a moment.

The young pilot was quiet. Very quiet. _Too_ quiet.

"What?" he asked; he hadn't expected that sort of stony silence out of his partner.

"I'm not sure Anneke would be interested is all," he said in a cautious sounding tone.

Jack glanced over his shoulder. "What makes you say that? Buddy's a great guy."

"I agree. It's just… Anneke…" he hesitated, not sure what Jack was going to make of the conversation he and Anneke Strickson had had earlier. "She me asked something tonight. Well, she didn't come out and ask it, but I have a pretty good idea what she was saying and if she wants into our bed, even for a particular purpose, I don't think she's interested in Buddy."

"_What?" _Hadn't Anneke made herself painfully clear about his flirting? Sure, she didn't take him especially seriously any more, but still… "She said she wanted…?"

"She didn't come right out and say she'd like to have sex with us, Cariad, but it is what I'm pretty sure she was trying to tell me."

"What 'purpose'?" the Captain asked him then, remembering belatedly the comment Kam had made a moment ago.

He started to chew oh his lip, but stopped himself. "She didn't flat out tell me she was a virgin," he said at last, "but it's certainly the impression I got."

The older man blinked. Anneke Strickson was nineteen… almost twenty… hardly an old maid by anybody's standards, but… and… "She wants…?" she wanted them to… she wanted _them_ to be the ones who…? Did she have any idea what she was setting herself up for!

Then a new thought crossed his mind and he looked at Kam wondering what his partner thought about being asked something like that. With his background… the way his own childhood had been taken from him… the way he'd been used by anybody who could pay for it…

Kam shrugged, understanding the question in Jack's blue eyes. He wasn't about to tell him that he had presumed the worst when Anneke first brought it up, too, that he was afraid she thought since he was a trained Cyprian it would be nothing for him to be with her… sex was just sex, after all. And it was. But he wasn't a Cyprian any more, he didn't have to lie with anyone he didn't want to lie with. But that wasn't what Anneke was thinking at all; it hadn't taken him long to figure out it wasn't even his experience she was interested in—it was Jack's. "She trusts you," he told him simply. "You should be flattered."

"Me?"

He shrugged again.

"What did you tell her?" he asked, even though he was afraid to hear the answer.

"I skirted the issue a bit, but not because I'm not interested," he clarified. "I like Anneke and under the circumstances I certainly wouldn't mind having her in bed with us, especially since she asked for both of us to be a part of it. Her first time _should_ be with someone she trusts, Jack, someone who won't hurt her."

He blinked. He hadn't thought about it that way, hadn't thought that Kam especially would be sympathetic her situation. Still… "The impression I got from Mr Garrison was that she was the one who initiated the flirting," he told his partner. He rolled over so he could face Kam fully.

Rather than stop his massage, the younger man went to work on the front of Jack's shoulders… his chest… too many people overlooked the rest of the body when they gave a massage. "Are you sure?" he asked, of Buddy and Anneke.

"He seemed to be sure at any rate. He was caught pretty off guard by the whole thing. I don't think Buddy thinks anyone can see past what he looks like."

For all the big man put on a great show of it—not that Jack doubted the genuineness of his friendship or attitude towards the rest of the crew or people in general—but for all his sanguinity, he realized that Buddy was just as insecure as anyone else when it came to appearances… when it came to girls…relationships. The things that made anybody nervous… _even a man who's nearly three thousand years old…_ but when he looked into those big brown eyes…

Kam smiled down at him, leant forward, kissed his lips softly… it didn't take them long to forget about Buddy and Anneke, at least for a little while…

But as Kam lay curled up snug in Jack's arms some while later, he began to wonder, sleepily, if he'd been wrong to dismiss her interest in the big engineer so quickly. It did seem a bit of a coincidence that she should suddenly start worrying about certain personal "problems" the same day she started flirting with Buddy. Kam believed Jack about his sincerity; it wasn't the sort of thing Garrison would make up…

Kam shifted, so he could look at Jack. He was asleep. It was such a rare sight. He traced the lines of his face and ran his fingers lightly down his neck…his chest. He touched the rings lightly, turned each one in the dark, so he could see the lettering on the inside. He'd never asked Jack what they said, but he knew that they were words of love.

"Your Welshman," he whispered into the dark. "Somebody you loved so much…somebody who… who must have loved you as much as I do," he laid them gently back down on Jack's chest, so as not to wake him and pulled in close.

……………………………………………………………

Two weeks, four more injuries, several dozen incinerated egg sacks and more dead bugs than any of the crew cared to count later, the _Welshman_ was declared clear of beetles and the crew was more than ready to enjoy a movie night.


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you again **for the reviews! This could have gone in either direction, but ultimately, I'm glad this chapter played out the way it did… hope you guys like it too!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Two:**

"Romances I never read like those I have seen."

George Gordon, Lord Byron

* * *

"Thank you for inviting me," Anneke said politely, as she accepted the coffee mug from the Captain's hand. She couldn't help the pensive look that played across her features in response to the knot in her stomach, or the way her gaze kept darting from the older man to his partner… his lover…. and back again. Not that either of them had done anything wrong. Neither of them had done _anything_.

_Lover._ The word rang through her mind. She wondered what it would be like to have a lover. To be somebody's lover. She'd thought she was going to find out tonight, but so far all they'd done was eat dinner and chat—and the conversation hadn't been the least bit… sexual. She fidgeted nervously with her cup while the Captain fixed Kam's coffee and then his own.

Dinner had been… it hadn't been what she was expected, that was for sure. For one thing, she hadn't expected _dinner_, she just thought Kam was being polite with the way he phrased the invitation to join he and Jack in their quarters on her next day off.

Only when she got there, there was Kam, finishing up setting the table for a meal. Sure, there was strange music playing, something called _Glen Miller_, whatever that was, and the meal itself was lovely—all of Lach's meals were lovely. But there was _nothing_ about this one that in any way said 'sexual conquest' to her. Or at least it wasn't anything like the sorts of dinners she had read about in romance novels—the ones where some older, dashing (and rich of course) man (usually the Captain of a ship and _always_ a rogue) was trying to seduce some young innocent girl…or boy…or both. (She loved those stories the best.)

In _those _stories there were always exotic temptations at dinner, strawberries, oysters, Darvosian pink-fruit (which had to be _the_ most phallic looking thing she'd ever seen, short of…well, the actual thing…not that she'd ever seen the actual thing, not up close and personally, anyway—in the showers with her crewmates didn't count and everybody knew vids were enhanced. Just the same, she didn't know how anyone could eat pink-fruit with a straight face.)

There hadn't been any pink-fruit with dinner tonight, though. There hadn't been _anything_ to suggest anything other than a quiet dinner with friends. Not that that wasn't nice, it was, but Jack hadn't even flirted with her! He always flirted, with everybody.

She looked down at herself again wondering if it was her. She thought she looked nice. She'd worn her dress. Done her hair up. Tried to make herself look like the kind of woman someone would want to take to bed.

Two someones. She glanced at Kam and then Jack again. She hadn't told Kam exactly what wanted, she'd been too nervous to spell it out, but she'd been sure he understood… hadn't he?

She wished there had been wine with dinner… lovers in stories always drank wine. A glass of wine would have made her feel so much braver…liquid courage, someone had once called it. Maybe if she felt braver, she would have some idea how to get from the lounge to the bedroom without making a complete fool of herself.

"It was nice to have the company," the _Welshman's _pilot replied graciously to her comment. He sat himself down across from her; Anneke had intentionally placed herself on the settee so one or the other could sit next to her. _If _they wanted to. _But apparently not. _She didn't care what her father had always told her, chastity was completely over rated. Sure, when she was a kid, of course…but she wasn't a kid any more, she was almost twenty years old! What did she have to do…

She nearly jumped out of her skin when Jack sat down. Next to her. _Oh god…_ her heat thumped wildly in her chest. _Ok, just breathe…_ she slid a little closer to him, intentionally bumping her knee up against his. "Thank you, too," she said softly, letting one hand rest on her knee, the knee that was touching his. "Dinner was lovely," _L-A-M-E! _she chided herself. But if he thought so, the Captain didn't show it. _Thank god._ She would have died of embarrassment if he had.

Instead, he just smiled. "Glad you enjoyed it," he told her. He sounded… sincere. Was that a good sign or a bad one?

The touch of the Captain's hand on her cheek startled her her. It wasn't just the unexpectedness of his touch, it was the unexpected gentleness, especially as his fingers slid down towards her neck making her shiver. She barely realized he was leaning towards her until his lips touched hers…she couldn't breathe. She couldn't _**think.**_ His kiss was so soft, so much more tender than she ever would have expected… she didn't remember closing her eyes, she just found herself opening them back up again several seconds later, her lips tingling slightly. It had been a closed mouth kiss…but…wow.

She'd never kissed anybody before, not like that. She could still taste him… cinnamon and heat… she stole another quick look in Kam's direction. His expression was impossible to read, but it wasn't unpleasant. It almost seemed as if he'd enjoyed watching… She wondered if she should kiss him too… she wanted to…but he hadn't moved towards her, so maybe…maybe he didn't like girls? She knew what he'd been, he must have been forced to be with women, but that didn't mean anything… _or maybe he just doesn't want anybody else,_ she mused. She swallowed back her nervousness and leant towards the Captain again, hoping it was the right thing to do. But they wouldn't have invited her if she wasn't welcome.

He met her half way and kissed her a second time, just as gently as he had the first time. When his tongue played at her lips, she opened her mouth and let him… _Oh god…_ no one had _ever_ kissed her like _**that **_before! His aftershave was _so_ strong…intoxicating… she could all but taste it… _him_…heat…sweetness…cinnamon. Spice.

He cupped her face lightly, holding onto her but not making her feel like she couldn't escape… _only who would want to escape?_

When she opened up her eyes again, after he'd withdrawn, she realized he was watching her intently… she felt dazed. Overwhelmed. It had just been a kiss, _but god, what a kiss!_

"You ok?" he asked.

"I…yeah… sorry…" she said, brushing a strand of hair behind one ear and glanced from him to Kam and back again.

"No need to apologize," the Captain assured her. His tone was impossible to interpret. His expression seemed… playful? Not unkind, just... it didn't look like one of those wanton gazes that lovers were always giving each other in novels.

Her gaze fell to the buttons on his shirt…in books, lovers undressed each other. But Jack hadn't moved to touch her (or her clothes) beyond the way he'd held her when they kissed and now he was sitting back, just watching her… maybe making up his mind if she was worth bothering with? But if even _half_ the stories about him were true…

"What…what would you like me to do?" Anneke asked in a hesitant tone, looking from one man to the other again, feeling like an idiot.

"How about we talk for a while," Jack suggested.

"Talk?" was that some kind of euphemism? But… but he was still just sitting there. Surely Kam had told him… she hadn't come right out and said she was a virgin, but he must have figured it out… "I just…I thought…"

"That he would tackle you as soon as you came in the door?" Kam asked. He sounded amused, like he knew that was exactly what she'd expected even though she probably should have known better.

"I guess… maybe," she admitted sheepishly. Had she really expected Jack to attack her, she wondered. Or worse yet, for the two of them to gang up on her like a pair of adolescent boys alone with a girl for the very first time? Wasn't the whole reason she'd asked them to do this that she didn't want something like that to happen? She knew it would hurt, but if it was with somebody she trusted, somebody who knew what they were doing… two somebodies… "I just thought… I… that is…" heat overtook her cheeks. This wasn't going at all like she'd expected it to. Even if maybe Kam didn't like girls or he didn't want to be involved, he could at least give her a little help, some direction! He had to realize how lost she felt. "I guess I don't know what I thought," she confessed.

"Then why don't we just talk?" Jack suggested again.

"About what?"

"You ask, we'll answer," said the Captain.

She blinked. "I…I'm really not sure I understand."

"Between Jack and I, there isn't much you can ask about that one or the other—or both of us—hasn't done." Kam told her in a patient tone. A kind tone. "You can ask about anything you want to, even if it seems silly. We promise to answer you honestly—and not to laugh."

"And there is absolutely nothing you can't ask me in front of him or vice versa," Jack added in a tone that left no room for argument.

"_Nothing?" _she wondered.

"When you love someone," the Captain said, "you don't keep secrets. You may not know everything, sometimes there's just too much to know… but you don't keep secrets." He cast a look in Kam's direction that made Anneke squirm…it wasn't discomfort. She wanted somebody to look at _her_ that way someday, like she was the single most important thing in the whole universe…_like he __**is**__ the Captain's whole universe._

"I… I don't know where to start…" she said. "All I know about…about anything…comes from stupid romance books."

Kam smiled; she blushed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way," he told her in an earnest tone. "It's just… I love romance novels too," he sounded a little bashful. "Who's your favourite writer?"

Her cheeks burned. "Misty Brightly."

Even Jack's brows shot up; while not exactly the connoisseur Kam, and apparently Anneke were, there had been many a long boring night he'd had to fill up while travelling with the Doctor and Rose, preferably with something that wouldn't get him tossed out on his butt on the next (hopefully) habitable planet. And with a library that spanned several millennia…

"I can really ask anything?" Anneke wanted to know.

"Anything at all," Kam promised her.

"We might even be persuaded to give a demonstration or two," his partner added with a smirk.

The comment and Jack's expression made her feel better…not that she was completely sure she wanted a demonstration… but having him behave the way she expected made her relax a little bit. She took a sip of her coffee and took a few moments to compose her mental list of questions…


	23. Chapter 23

**Ok, so** I wasn't going to write this chapter (or the next), but since you asked…. ;-) although as usual, the Muses hijacked things a bit once I got started…

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Three**

"_The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure"_

Mikhail Baryshnikov

* * *

Anneke took a deep breath and let it out again; she was sure her cheeks were bright pink as she walked away from Jack and Kam's quarters. She couldn't believe she'd been there for almost five hours.

She couldn't believe that in all that time, she hadn't done more than kiss either of them…both of them… But if kisses were anything to go on… she smiled.

She still didn't know how Kam felt about girls, but he hadn't been shy about kissing her and what a kiss! Sensual. Sweet. Almost a little shy at first. If she didn't know what he was—had been—she might have thought he was as almost inexperienced as she was, at least until he did that thing with his tongue…the way he seemed to be able to caress _every_ part of the inside of her mouth with it… the way he kissed her neck, so softly, so tenderly… the way he looked at her… she could almost believe… but she knew better. He was showing her how a real lover should act. Should look at her.

But for just a few seconds she forgot he was Kam her friend… the guilt that stabbed at her in the moments following hadn't had anything to do with the fact that Jack was right there watching his lover kiss somebody else. It was because she knew where Kam must have learned to be able to do that, to convince the person he was with that he _wanted_ to be with them. In the years he had been with the Red House, how many people must he have been forced to Service, she wondered.

She didn't ask. She could guess…hundreds. Thousands, maybe.

It made her sick to think that stuff like that went on all over the galaxy, that even though he didn't, Jack _could_ own Kam, or at least his contract, which was really the same thing. Her father had called stuff like that semantics.

Before leaving Jack and Kam, she'd thanked them for the insight and 'education'—and she thanked Jack for the book he lent her. He'd promised her that it would be a better read than Misty Brightly. Both men had been so wonderful; neither had made her feel stupid or inexperienced, even though she was. Kam was right, between the two of there wasn't much they didn't know, but _she_ didn't know anything, least of all where to start.

"_How do you kiss like that?" _had finally been her first question.

First Jack explained it, telling her that not only was kissing—in one form or another—practically universal, it was the most intimate thing two people could do, even more so than… and the way he'd described it…

"_**Always**__ leave them wanting more," he concluded with a gleeful smirk. _Then he kissed her again to show her just what he meant (as if that first kiss hadn't been demonstration enough!)

_Then_ he explained that thing he did with his tongue. _"It's like dancing," he said. " One person leads, the other follows… only there's no rule here about who takes the lead. Personally," he added with another one of those smirks, "I like it when we take turns leading," when he looked at Kam the smirk warmed to a smile, the kind of smile she wished somebody would give __**her**__. _

_Then he turned back to her. "It takes practice, Anneke," he told her in a patient tone. "Don't worry about getting it right, just enjoy the learning process."_

"_Who should start a kiss like that?" she asked him. So far Kam had been letting Jack do all the talking._

_The Captain shrugged. "If you want to kiss someone like that, go for it. If you don't, don't. You should never do any more _**or **_any __**less**__ than you're comfortable doing."_

"_Less?" she'd questioned; no one had ever told her not to do 'less'. Certainly her __**father**__ wouldn't have told her to not do __**less.**__ He would have told her not to do anything!_

_She didn't notice Kam rolling his eyes…apparently she was about to get Jack 'started.'_

"_The thing I do not understand about the people in this century," he began in a sanctimonious tone, "is how afraid you can be of your own sexuality. Sex is beautiful, but you keep wanting to turn it into something ugly, something base."_

_She gaped at him. "Afraid?" Nobody was afraid…_

_He seemed to understand what she as saying. "I don't mean you're afraid to __**have**__ sex—you have plenty—but you're afraid to __**enjoy**__ it, afraid to enjoy yourselves, each other. It's worse than it was…" he paused. "You're still so hung up on the little things, the unimportant stuff, the things that make you different from everybody else out here. If you can get past that and…just __**dance—**__" His smile was impossible to interpret, like he was sharing some private joke with himself. _

"_Dance?" she questioned, finally catching the expression on his partner's face. This was apparently not the first time Kam had heard this particular speech._

"_Dance." Jack affirmed._

_Kam was no help at all in interpreting what he meant._

But the way he'd talked…it had almost sounded as if…but that was silly. He was human, he had to be. He _looked_human, didn't he?

"_So what happens after the first kiss?" she'd asked then, deciding that it might be safer than asking him to explain 'dancing' to her._

"_That all depends on how good the kiss was," came his randy answer. _

_She blushed._

"_It should happen slowly," Kam told her, jumping in for the first time. "You should touch each other. Explore each other. Get to know one another's bodies. Listen to the sounds your partner makes, watch his body language for clues that they like what you're doing. Everybody's different." He smiled. "Jack likes it when I kiss him right under his chin. It's pretty weird if you ask me," he was clearly teasing the older man. "But he likes it so I do it."_

At which point Kam ran off a list of all the other places she should make sure to check, to see if her partner was especially sensitive there. Some of them were obvious, but who would have thought to run their fingers along the inside of someone's arm, along their palm or the back of their knee?

Of course those weren't the places Anneke had questions about…

She hit the pressure pad outside her cabin door; it slid open with a soft _whish _to reveal an empty room. Not that she'd expected Lach to be in. If it hadn't been for those stupid beetles, the new cabins might finally be done…she shuddered. She never wanted to see another big ugly beetle for the rest of her life!

Anneke stripped out of her dress and hung it up carefully; she kept an empty hanger between the dress and the rest of her cloths, so it wouldn't get dirty or wrinkled. Liza was right, it was an extravagance…but she was glad she'd bought it. It was nice to have one pretty thing.

She toed off her boots and slid into a comfortable pair of pants and her favourite t-shirt before settling on her bunk with the book the Captain had lent her…


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

"_Love many things, for therein lies the true strength,  
and whosoever loves much performs much,  
and can accomplish much,  
and what is done in love is done well."_

Vincent Van Gogh

* * *

Jack gathered his young lover up into his arms and held him a long, happy, moment. He brushed his fingers over Kam's feartures, closing his eyes, making sure he could see the younger man's face in the dark of his mind's eye. He knew that eventually he would forget his face… in a hundred years all he'd remember would be brown eyes…blond hair… an easy smile… a hundred years after that, he'd forget the sound of Kam's voice…_but I will never forget moments like this…I won't forget how you make me feel._ _I won't forget the way you fell into my life and made me live again._

He would never forget that Kamden Anders had existed, that he'd loved him more than anything. He wouldn't forget that Ianto Jones had existed, either, or how sometimes when he closed his eyes, he could still feel the wind coming off Cardiff Bay… smell the salt sea air mingling Chinese food from that restaurant on the boardwalk… the one where the waitress…

The feather light touch of soft lips against his mouth brought him out of his thoughts, out of the past. He responded eagerly to Kam's kiss, to the needy playing of the younger man's tongue against his mouth…he surrendered to it, letting the other take control of the kiss, plundering his mouth savagely. Sweetly.

It had been impossible to know what Kam was thinking during their conversation with Anneke Strickson. He'd taken part in the discussion (oh boy had he taken part, poor Anneke might never be the same!), but Jack kept thinking he saw little clouds passing over his partner's face. That, as much as anything else, made him glad he'd been the one to decide that things wouldn't progress past a few kisses, made him glad he'd given in when Kam said they shouldn't serve anything with alcohol during dinner, even a glass of wine.

Kam had told him that he'd be willing to let the evening come to its own natural conclusion, whatever that happened to be—sex was just sex he'd insisted to Jack, before Anneke's arrival. The older man wasn't so sure his partner really believed that any more…

He pulled Kam a little closer, held him a little tighter.

"_Have you ever had an orgasm?" the bluntness of Kam's question surprised Jack and Anneke both. A few moments before they'd been talking about first kisses… Anneke blushed uncontrollably before admitting that no, she was pretty sure she hadn't ever had an orgasm before. _

"_You should," the young man told her, in a tone far too clinical sounding for Jack's liking. It felt to him too much like Kam was distancing himself emotionally from the situation. "Before you ever get as far as having intercourse, especially for the first time, you should give yourself an orgasm. Preferably several. You should make sure that whoever you're with, whether it ends up being Jack or me or somebody else—whoever it is, they should give to you first, __**especially **__for your first time. It's going to hurt, you know that, right?"_

"_I thought… if it was someone…if they were careful…"_

_He shook his head. "No matter what, it's going to hurt. It might even hurt the second time. There are ways to ease that" he added quickly. "Things a man can do for a woman so it doesn't hurt as much. He should take it slow, let you set the pace. He should talk to you. Touch you. Give you a reason to let him go further. But you should know what it's supposed to feel like before you get that far. A good lover will show you, but in case he doesn't know that, you should do it for yourself. And no matter what, your first time is about you, not him. Or her. It doesn't really matter on that count."_

Kam's tone sent a chill through his partner's heart. The younger man had never detailed his own first sexual encounter, but Jack could guess what it had been like. Kam had been a child when his uncle sold him….He reached out and took his hand, giving over the kind of look that garnered an expression of longing in their guest. It made him all the more glad he'd decided that jumping into bed with her would be a Bad Idea, at least at this juncture. It seemed to Jack that what she really wanted was somebody to love her, not just a lover.

However, as Anneke had yet to broach the subject of Buddy Garrison, he stayed on track and delivered up detailed instructions that she could give to an inexperienced lover, on the chance that she ended up with somebody who didn't quite know what they were doing when it came to satisfying her needs … not that he was thinking of Buddy.

To be fair, of course, he explained in unashamed detail the sorts of things she could—and should—do with a man's body in return. He agreed with Kam that her first time should be about her, but after that it needed to be a mutual exchange.

"_And remember, if you don't like something, even after you've started, don't let anybody push you into going any further," he told her in a stern tone. "Never fall for the old 'if you love me you'll do this' lin. If the other person cares about you, respects you at all, they won't ask you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Take it from an expert, there's no such thing as 'I can't stop'—at least not with humans. You've gotta be careful with a few non-human species," he added with a smirk._

_Anneke blinked at him. "Please don't tell me… you've… you really…with _**aliens?"**_ she gaped. _

_Jack just chuckled, smirking. _

"_NO WAY!" Then, much more softly, she asked "what was it like?" _

Kam kissed him harder, pushing him towards the bedroom, needing him more than ever tonight. Listening to Jack talk to Anneke… talking to her himself… in some ways it had brought back the most unpleasant of memories…

His initial sexual 'education' had been hands on—brutally so. He had to the same thing over and over until he got it just right. Only his trainer never told him what he was doing 'wrong', he just punished him for it… the older boy hadn't been lying when he said he could do anything he wanted to, to Kam, short of causing actual permanent physical damage. Kam would show up for meals black and blue and no one said anything, did anything… he wasn't the only one. All the younger kids were always bruised, even the ones too small to actually be in training. Anybody stronger could do anything they wanted to, to somebody weaker, somebody with less standing.

At least once he was in Service there were rules governing what a client could and couldn't do to him…or at least how much it would cost to leave bruises on his body. The House valued its property. If he was hurt by a client, either intentionally or otherwise, he could go to the infirmary, get somebody to look at his injuries. He could get a couple of days off, maybe even a week. The doctors were nothing like Anna, they didn't really care—he couldn't even call the care 'proper' by comparison. But it was something and something was better than nothing. While he was in training he had had nothing, not even the guarantee that he would ever be allowed to Serve.

_That_ had scared him even more than anything, because if the House didn't want him, his contract would be sold …a labour colony… a mining planet… a research facility. He would have done anything that was asked of him just to be allowed to stay, to Serve. He had had yet to realize that eventually everybody's contract got sold…

But then, seven months in, completely without warning, he had a new trainer; the first boy wasn't with the House anymore. Kam never found out what happened to him.

He just remembered how frightened he'd been when the new boy walked into his room. Every time someone new came in he felt afraid; he never knew what they wanted and they never told him and if he didn't get it right… but the boy wasn't like that. He said his name was Kase and he was taking over Kam's training.

Kam remembered stammering at him, telling him it would be his pleasure to Serve him, the way he'd been taught. He even remembered to call him 'Sir'.

"_Why don't we just talk a while?" _Kase suggested. It was almost exactly what Jack had said to Anneke.

The first session all they did was talk. Not about sex or Serving, either. He asked Kam about where he'd grown up, what kinds of books he liked to read. He told him about the House's library. He made him feel almost comfortable.

The next time Kase came to his room, they talked about the things Kam would be expected to be able to do when he was in Service. Not 'if', but when. He didn't threaten Kam, telling him how if he wasn't good enough he'd get sold to some laboratory to be used as a test subject…or worse, to _aliens_….everybody knew what aliens did to humans…

Kase was patient…kind… the same way Jack had been with Anneke. He kissed him, spoke to him in soft tones, gentle words. He never punished him for making mistakes and he always returned pleasure for pleasure.

But then he was taken away too. He came to Kam in the middle of the night and told him he'd just learned his contract had been sold to a client… _"You only have a month left of training. Tell them you're ready to Serve," Kase advised him. "They'll let you. You're ready, you don't need another trainer, Kam. I have faith in you."_

"_But what about you?" he asked, desperately fighting the tears that threatened to overtake him at any moment. It wasn't fair! Kase was gorgeous, good with the clients… why had they sold him?_

"_I'll be fine. Honest. You need to worry about you, now. Nobody's going to look out for you, Kam, not here. But I want you to listen to me—you have to be tough, but you can't lose who you are or let yourself turn into someone like Aeryc. You're a sweet boy. You have a chance at something better."_

"_Something better?" _

"_We all get sold eventually. But at the end of your contract you want to end up Serving privately, not shipped off to some labour camp. Or worse." He leant in and kissed him one last time. "You'll __**always**__ be in my thoughts."_

_And then he was gone… _

Kam eased Jack onto their bed and unbuttoned his shirt slowly, savouring the moment…the sight of bare flesh underneath the soft cotton shirt. He kissed his chest, took in his scent… _fifty first century pheromones…_ Kam lost himself in the smell of him, in his incredible warmth… in his love. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much, Cariad…" _please don't leave me… please don't ever leave me… _

"Hey," Jack coaxed him to look at him. "You ok?" he asked in a soft, concerned tone.

Kam nodded. "I'm all right. I just… I need you tonight. I need to touch you. To _feel _you."

"If you've got a problem with anything that happened--"

"I'm fine with tonight, Jack. Honestly," he promised. "This _isn't _about Anneke." He bit his lip. There was no denying that something was wrong…_just please don't ask me to explain_…how could he tell Jack about Kase? "I would have been ok if things had gone further… if they ever do go further," he added. "I'm all right with you and Anneke, Jack. With us and her. This isn't about her at all."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I promise you, I wouldn't lie, not about that."

The older man gave him a measured look. "What would you lie about?"

Kam bit his lip. Was he accusing him…? "Nothing. I wouldn't lie to you about anything, Jack. I love you. Please…" _please believe that. _He leant in, almost afraid…but he returned his kiss as ardently as ever. "Please just tell me again that… that you're never going to get tired of me… please…" _please say you won't ever leave me._ "I know I'm going to get old someday. I know you won't always want to be with me, just please…" _please just promise me that I can always have some tiny corner of your life. _

"Shhhh, Kam…Cariad. I won't leave you. I will always want you. Kam, you will _**always**_ be my first choice."

The ferocity of his kiss startled him. It wasn't that Kam couldn't be passionate, but there was something different tonight…

"Tell me what you want," Jack offered. "Tell me what I can do."

"I want you," the younger man breathed in between desperate kisses. "I want you to hold me. I _need_ you to hold me, Jack. This _isn't_ about Anneke," he said again. "I just…I need to know that no one can take you away from me, Jack. I need to know I'm not going to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me."

……………………………………………………………

Jack held the younger man as he slept; nothing he had to do was more important than being there when Kam woke up.


	25. Chapter 25

**Ok,** I know this is pretty short, but it felt like the right place to stop for the moment... hope to have more up after the holiday weekend.

Thank you again, as always, for the lovely reviews! I really appreciate them and everyone who has fave/alerted this or who just keep reading without a peep. I appreciate you all.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Five**

"_In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood."_

Henry David Thoreau

* * *

"Movie night?" Julian questioned his cabin mate when Buddy asked him if he was going to be joining the dayshift. Jack had put him on a swing shift so he could fill in wherever he was needed (or so he would annoy fewer of the crew, Julian wasn't sure.) As for question at hand, Jule had known his thrice great grandfather to do some unorthodox things in his life, but a movie night? And of all times…they were fully into alien territory, which made it seem like hardly the right time to be slacking off.

Buddy shrugged in response to his query. "It started a while back—something Kam arranged as a surprise for Jack," his smile warmed, a clear indication of how he felt about the Captain and his young lover.

Julian had noticed the level of support Kam received from the crew. It wasn't at all what he'd expected when Jack first announced the shy little blond as his 'partner'. _He_ might not have a problem with it (why should he?), but Jack's crew? Surely _they _wouldn't accept the Captain's lover as one of them even if he was the pilot. They might not have any choice but to tolerate his presence on the bridge but…but they more than tolerated him. Tolbert was almost as protective of the kid as Jack and Anna Raynor…? She'd given him the evil eye when he forgot himself for a moment and started flirting with Kam the other day… not that he'd actually meant anything by it. It was just who he was, he flirted with everybody.

Still, he had the impression he should start being a little more careful lest he wake up one morning to find that the ship's medic had removed one of his testicals in his sleep. (For Kam's part, the kid had totally ignored him, which did _wonders _for his ego… it was one thing to be turned down flat, but ignored?)

He realized the conversation was lagging and it was his turn to speak. "Special occasion?" he queried of the other's comment.

"None that I ever knew," answered Buddy.

He suspected that there was more to it than that, but he wasn't going to hear about it from the big engineer. Chances were that whatever it was, it didn't really matter anyway. So he just nodded. Truth was he wasn't particularly interested in a movie night…or much of anything else that didn't involve spending the next eight hours staring at the insides of his eyelids. Swing shift was the worst.

He turned his attention back to Buddy Garrison. "I think I'll catch it with the night shift."

If Buddy had an opinion of that, it didn't register on his face. "See you later, then," he said in his usual amiable tone.

Jule nodded, wishing him well.

As soon as Buddy was gone, he peeled himself out of his clothes and tossed them into a heap. The art of being a good roommate wasn't lost on him, but all he wanted was a hot shower and a lot of sleep….dirty laundry could wait a few hours.

………………………………………………………………….

Buddy got to Anneke's door just as she was coming out of her cabin. He couldn't say she'd been _avoiding_ him the last few days…or that he'd been avoiding her for that matter, although he certainly felt awkward and uncomfortable now, face to face with her, even though he'd been coming to her cabin specifically to see her. But really, how could anybody avoid anybody on a ship the size of the _Bonny Welshman? _He couldn't have missed her on purpose, he was sure of that. Sort of. It was just coincidence that he hadn't seen much of her and they hadn't been alone together again since…

He cleared his throat. "Heading down to the mess?" he asked, silently thankful that his voice remained steady even if inside he was a quivering wreck.

She shrugged. "Yeah. You?" she didn't quite meet his gaze.

Buddy nodded. "Are you going to the movie after?"

"Probably," she still couldn't look him directly in the eye.

Anneke had spent a fair amount of time with Kam and the Captain the past week or so, but not just for the company. Their cabin was a great place to hide out from Buddy. She felt a little ashamed of the fact that she was hiding, she hadn't really meant, not to at first (or so she kept telling herself), she just couldn't face him after the way she'd made a complete and total idiot out of herself.

Things hadn't gone any further with Jack and Kam than a few more kisses, but kissing was good. It was comfortable. In fact the more they did it, the more comfortable it got… the less… passionate… it seemed.

Maybe Jack was right about waiting for somebody she really wanted to be with. After all, it wasn't as if she was under some sort of obligation to lose her virginity…still… the thought of either of those two lying on top of her like the men in that book Jack had lent her… or her on top of them…either of them… both of them… she'd read the book twice. She would give anything to have someone want her the way the other characters wanted the heroine of the novel… not that Jack or Kam would ever want her that way, but still…they were willing to take the time with her, she appreciated that.

_The book is just a story, something somebody made up_, she reminded herself. Things like that didn't happen in real life… well… there was Jack and Kam, their story was pretty incredible…she didn't know she hadn't heard the half of it.

"Erm… Anneke…" Buddy cleared his throat.

She glanced up at him; he looked as uncomfortable as he'd sounded just then. She was pretty sure she knew why—he had to know she'd been avoiding him. It was stupid. They worked together. They should be friends. She should be content to be just friends, like she was content to be just friends with Jack and Kam. And they'd kissed her. She hadn't done so much as hold Buddy's hand. _Which makes this totally stupid,_ she told herself of the fluttering in her stomach. "Look, about the other day," she began, trying to sound more confident than she felt. "Just forget that stuff I said, ok? I didn't mean anything by it," she lied. It would be easier for both of them if she lied, even if it made the butterflies turn into hornets in her stomach.

Buddy opened his mouth to say something, but then apparently thought better of it. He gave over a tight lipped smile.

"I was just… just being silly," she told him. "Forgive me?"

"Yeah. Yeah sure. Sure."

"Thanks," she said. She didn't see the crestfallen expression or hear the hurt in his tone. She had no idea he'd been trying to ask her out on that date… she doubted that he had any idea how much she'd been hoping he might ask her to go with him when Jack first announced that they were having another movie night. But he hadn't. So she assumed…

Anneke forced a smile, telling herself again just how silly she was being about the whole thing. It was just dinner in the mess as usual and then some old movie the Captain had dug out of the archives. How could anybody possibly make a date out of that anyway?


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six**

"_Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts…"_

Neil Gaimen

* * *

Even though he was going to be attending to the movie with Kam after their shift, Jack couldn't resist the urge to swing by and peek in to see how Buddy and Anneke were doing. He had had to goad the engineer into asking her to go with him, even though it was "just" dinner and a movie in the mess... he smiled. He was looking forward to dinner and a movie with Kam. He'd chosen a moive specifically with a 'date' in mind, although really that was for Buddy and Anneke's benefit. _Still, no harm in enjoying it myself..._

He spotted Anneke almost immediately, sitting with Liza, Kai and Lach… Buddy, however, was no where to be seen. Frowning, Jack slipped back out again before anybody spotted him in the doorway.

Ten minutes later, he found the big engineer working out in the rec room, pumping weights at a furious pace.

"You should really have a spotter," he advised, shoving his hands into his pockets. The other was red in the face and sweating… and from the looks of it, he was benching a good third again what Jack had seen him press in the past.

Buddy looked up, startled, having apparently not heard the Captain come in. "Sorry," he agreed, setting the weight bar back up. He sat up as well, reaching for his water bottle.

The older man closed the distance between them and took up the spotter's position, at Buddy's head. "I've got you."

"Meaning no disrespect, but shouldn't you be on the bridge?" he asked. He didn't want company.

"My ship, my rules. Besides, I think Mr Anders can handle it for a few minutes without me," he flashed a smile that covered up his anxiety where the young pilot was concerned. It wasn't not over Kam's ability to keep the ship flying. The last week he'd been a little…he wasn't sure what to call it, he just knew that something was bothering the younger man, even though he continued to claim that nothing was wrong. For the time being, he was content to give his partner space to sort it out on his own. It wasn't like before, Kam wasn't avoiding him, Jack just knew him well enough to know that something was amiss and that he didn't seem to want to talk about it, at least not with him.

Buddy laid back down and began working again, although at a much more sedate pace.

"So what happened?" Jack asked after a few minutes of what seemed like comfortable silence had passed between them. The answer didn't surprise him:

"Nothing."

"Care to elaborate?" he asked anyway.

"Apparently…" the engineer took a breath and hefted the bar back over his chest. "Apparently I misread the whole thing. Can I get you to add another twenty?" he said, easing the bar back to the stand.

Jack obliged, screwing a heavy disk onto each side of the bar. "Did you ask her out?"

"Didn't even get that far," the other grunted as he hefted the bar back down to his chest. "She told me to just forget the whole thing." He hoisted the weight up high, held it a moment, and then eased it back to his chest. He closed his eyes a moment, trying to clear his head enough to think straight. He knew he'd been fooling himself to think that anybody as pretty as Anneke could ever have any kind of interest in somebody who looked like he did, but for a few days there… he hefted the bar up again, muscles straining under the increased weight. When he opened his eyes again, he found the Captain staring down at him, like he was waiting for some kind of answer. "I said it before, Jack. I know what I look like. Most o' the time it doesn't bother me," his arms, shoulders and chest burned, but he kept pushing himself, hoping that eventually the physical pain would make him forget how stupid and humiliated he felt. "But just this once…" he shook his head.

Just this once he wished he looked different, he wished he looked like he used to. A few years ago, he wouldn't have hesitated to ask a girl like Anneke Strickson out on a date… well, maybe he would have hesitated. He'd always been a little shy around girls—he'd never thought of himself as especially good looking, not like other guys he knew. He'd never have held a candle to somebody like Jack or Kam or Julian Kyle. But for someone like her, someone who turned his knees to jelly when she smiled, he'd have found a way to work up the nerve to ask her out because he'd give anything for a chance to get to know her better, to be more than just friends. It was more than her smile or looks that really did turn heads—Anneke was a very pretty girl. But he liked her for who she was. That was why he couldn't be angry at her over what he figured now was just her playing, not meaning to be mean, just goofing around the way they always did. She couldn't possibly have expected him to take it seriously, if only for a heartbeat.

"And I believe I said that _I'd _have you," Jack's voice drew him out of his thoughts; the Captain flashed a randy smile.

Buddy rolled his eyes. "I hope you won't take it the wrong way if I said I think you'd have anything with a pulse."

He chuckled; he refrained from mentioning that he had one former lover who _didn't _have a pulse. Not that he'd known it at the time, but he certainly didn't hold it against Henry, either. "No offence taken," he said instead. He regarded the big man a moment. He'd never really studied him closely… he realized that Buddy must have been a good looking kid before whatever happened to him. "Chemical burns?" he asked of the scarring over the other's arm and shoulder.

Buddy nodded. "Mining operation. Out on Cygnus Prime. Verillian."

Jack made a face; verillian was a volatile ore with very few practical civilian applications. It was too unstable. For making weapons, however…

"Don't know how the fire started," Buddy continued in between reps. "It just seemed to come outa nowhere… cut in between me and half my team. I was ordered to evacuate…but… I couldn't leave them." He placed the bar back up in its holder and sat up; the Captain handed over his water bottle. "Thanks." He slid forward so there was room for the older man to sit.

"What happened?"

He shrugged. "I couldn't just let them die in there—I knew they were still alive on the other side of the fire…this wall of fire, Sir," his voice grew quiet as he lost himself in the memory. "I could hear them over it, screaming, begging for somebody to come get them out. I knew there was a service shaft we could use to get to them… it wasn't impossible, they weren't dead, not yet. I couldn't leave them there to burn alive." He tilted the bottle back and emptied it in one huge swig.

"I managed to get six to the surface. The transport was already gone. The Captain didn't wait for us." He shook his head, crushing the remains of the bottle in his hand. "Three weeks. It took them _three weeks _to come back for us. By then only two of us were left alive. They probably didn't expect anybody t' be alive… there were only enough food rations for a week or two, no medical supplies to speak of. Verillian burns hot…burns fast. Burns everything in it's wake. The flames had died down in just a couple o' days…but it took them three weeks," he repeated. "We mighta been ok if they'd come back sooner. Fire burned out the power grid, burned up most of the base… we were stuck on this cold, damp little rock, waiting for somebody to find us. Waiting to die."

The Captain's hand on his shoulder wasn't unwelcome. Usually Buddy hated any kind of sympathy, but somehow the Captain wasn't like other people. When he looked at him, he saw somebody who understood, even if he didn't know how anybody could possibly understand…

"The company docs probably would've… you know… there wasn't much of me left to work with, but there were too many witnesses, too many people who knew they'd left us there, who knew they hadn't come back to look for survivors when they knew they should have. So the docs patched us up as best as they could and the company gave us each a nice little settlement to keep us from suing."

"Why didn't you find a quiet little planet to settle down on?"

He regarded the older man as if he'd suddenly sprouted a second head.

"What?" Jack grinned, "do I have something in my teeth?"

Despite the pain of the memories, Buddy chuckled; he hadn't told anybody the story, the whole story, ever. Just the same, he wondered if the Captain had been paying attention to any of it. "What would I do some quiet little planet? Look at me. I know… I know I don't really fit in anywhere, but at least out here… out here we're all outcasts of one kind or another. Folks out on the rim don't look at a guy like me the say way as they do on the inner worlds. I can find work—despite what the Empire says is and isn't human." He was over the 'legal' limit for artificial parts. That meant he wasn't human and he knew it. Most days he really didn't care…

"What about your family?"

He shook his head. "I asked the company to send them notice I'd died in the explosion, nice and quick and had 'em take the insurance settlement they'd get out of what they gave me. I didn't want to put my folks through this," he glanced down at his body. "The company didn't much care where the money went or how it got there, just as long as I never went yapping to the newsies. I still ended up with enough to live comfortably on for a good long while."

"But you still came to work for me?"

He shrugged. "I was looking for a change o' scenery. Figured a tour on a salvage ship would do the trick. 'Sides, everybody's heard o' the infamous Jack Harkness," he grinned. "I wanted to see for myself if you were everything they said you were."

"Have I lived up to my reputation?" the other queried with a bright grin of his own.

Buddy laughed for real this time. "And then some. And no, I do not need you taking me to your bed, but thanks for the offer," he added before the other could offer it again. "Seriously, though," he added in a more sombre tone. "I like Anneke. I know she didn't mean nothing by what she said before. She's just a kid, she wouldn't…she wouldn't do anything to hurt anybody, Jack. That girl has a heart of gold. It was my fault for taking her too seriously. I good just bein' her friend. On a ship as small as this, a guy can't risk making stupid mistakes, I'm just glad it didn't any further than it did."

Jack nodded and agreed to let it go—for the moment.

…………………………………………………………..

Felling better from much longer than eight hours of sleep, Julian slipped quietly into the mess for a quick bite and then vanished from it again before the night crew arrived for dinner and the movie that was to follow. He wasn't typically the antisocial sort; far from it. But the closer they got to their destination, the more he felt the weight of it bearing down on him. He was going to have to explain to the Tungans why so many of their fellows were dead. Why he'd failed. How he'd allowed one of his own people to betray him…

He was caught off guard when he found An Cho sitting on the observation deck, staring out at the stars, seemingly lost in thought. She gave a startled, almost frightened little look, when she realized she wasn't alone.

"Sorry," Julian forced a tight lipped smile. "I didn't mean to scare you. I think anybody would be up here."

A blush of pink overtook her cheeks. "I…erm…that is… I…" she floundered.

He waved it off. "Don't worry, I won't snitch to the Old Man about you playing hookie," he flashed a wink and wry grin.

She regarded him for a moment. She didn't relax… but she smiled anyway. "I didn't think it was compulsory to attend."

"It's not. But you know what Jack's like."

"Not really, no, I don't."

Julian studied her a moment more. Of all the crew, he knew the night time communications officer the least well. She was quiet, pretty, competent. She rarely partook in the activates of the rec room—basketball, weights, sparring, cards… about the only times he'd seen her were on the bridge or at meals, and then only when his own schedule put them working together.

"Well," he gave over an apologetic smile because he hadn't meant to intrude on her solitude. "I guess I should leave you to it. Unless you feel like company?" he queried. "I promise not to chatter at you like some blathering idiot you're stuck next to on a transport," he added with raised brows, holding up the book he'd brought along as proof that he wasn't looking for conversation, just a chance to be alone. Or alone with company.

She chuckled lightly at his joke. "I wouldn't object if you stayed," she told him in an earnest seeming tone.

With a nod, Julian took up the chair opposite An and cozied into his book.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:**

**Sorry for another short one…hope all my American friends had a great Fourth of July (of course I hope it was a lovely weekend for everybody ;-) **

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Seven **

_No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever._

Francois Mocuriac

* * *

Slowly, methodically…lovingly… Kam kissed his way down Jack's body, starting with his lips. It brought back the memory of their first kiss…he'd never known how nervous Jack had been about kissing him like that, how afraid he was that he was misreading the signals habit was forcing Kam to send his way. Because Kam's training had kicked in, the signals seemed mixed to the older man… did he… didn't he…? But _he_ did. Something about the young man had been pulling at him since that day on the bridge. And nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? He just never expected it to turn into what it had.

He surrendered the last pretences of control as Kam kissed his neck, nibbling and caressing his skin with his tongue and lips, making him moan, arch his back, making him wish Kam would go just a little faster to satisfy the heat and need growing in him…wanting him to continue nipping and kissing, taunting him forever. He slid his hands up under the soft t-shirt to run his hands over the young man's back. He responded by smiling into neck, biting him hard enough to leave a mark. "I love you," he whispered into his ear, his tone gentle. Soft. Just the opposite of that bite; the dichotomy of hard and soft sent shivers down Jack's spine. "I love you _**so**_much," Kam told him.

He heard the pain in his voice, the need. Desperation. It had been like that for over a week. The younger man swore it had nothing to do with Anneke Strickson; Jack believed him. He just didn't know what it was. "I love you too," he answered back with the only words he had to give. He felt Kam shudder… continue kissing his way down to his chest.

Jack cupped his face gently in his hands, trying to get him to look at him. He didn't. Wouldn't.

"Kam… Sweetheart…there's nothing you can't say to me, you know that, right?"

He only nodded. He kept kissing, sucking, caressing, nibbling.

"Kam…"

"I love you Jack. I love you more than anything!"

"Then why won't you talk to me?"

"Please… please just let me… let me be with you," he dipped his head below Jack's waist to make his meaning clear, even though the older man had yet to remove his trousers. "Please just let me…" he gave him a brief, pleading look.

"Kam, you can do _anything_ you want to--but there's nothing you _have _to do to prove anything. You know that."

"I want to do it. I want to touch you. To please you. I want to make you happy."

"You make me happy by putting up with me."

The statement garnered the type of smile Jack had hoped it might. "I want this for me too," he assured the older man. "I love the things you do to me…with me. I love… I love this life you've given me Jack. I love being with you, going to sleep next to you. Waking up next to you. Or at least your pillow," he teased. Jack had been there more often than usual the past couple of weeks, when he woke up, but really he didn't mind waking up next to Jack's pillow, surrounded by his scent. He knew he loved him. It was one of the very few things in the universe he was sure of any more.

What he didn't know was that he'd said something yet again that brought back memories, bitter and sweet, to the older man. He only knew the look that crossed over his lover's features, the flicker of joy…the pang of loss… the hope that in fifty or sixty years when time took him away from him again that it _wouldn't_ be the end of them, that there would be another time, another place… _to live, to love, to remember… to love again… _could he really have forever with someone? Should he? Should anybody? _But nobody else makes me feel as alive as I feel right now..._

Kam lifted his hand and ran his fingers over Jack's lips. "What is it?" he asked softly. "What are you thinking?"

"How lucky I am."

The statement triggered that expression again, the one Jack didn't understand any more than Kam understood his.

"What is it, Kam? Talk to me."

"I… I can't. It's nothing. I promise you, it's nothing."

He gave him a dubious look.

"It's nothing important."

"I don't believe that," he said honestly, noting the hurt that flickered over the other's features. "I don't believe it," he repeated. "But I trust you."

Kam nodded, seeming to accept the answer as the best he was going to get.

Jack slid his hands around the younger man's body and flipped them so Kam was under him and he could reciprocate the other's kisses and caresses…

………………………………………………………………

Kam lay watching Jack sleep; the older man's eyes moved behind his lids…dreaming. _Dreaming of me…?_ he wondered. Probably not. Jack had seen so much, done so much. He must dream of galaxies not discovered yet, people who wouldn't be born for thousands of years, millions of light years.

_He probably dreams about the people he's loved… especially when he smiles like that…_ Kam couldn't help his own smile when he saw it. He'd never slept beside anyone before, so he didn't know if it was usual for a person to smile like that in his sleep or if it was something uniquely Jack. Very lightly, he reached up and touched the older man's lips. They were soft…pink…they curved just so… the Captain murmured something incomprehensible. Gibberish…or some long forgotten language. Maybe Welsh.

"I love you," Kam whispered at him in the dark, wondering how many other people must said that to the man laying next to him. "How many people have you loved, I wonder. How many loved you?" Hundreds…thousands…? And Jack probably never even noticed half of them. _But you noticed me. You kissed me. You love __**me**__. _"I know you love me because I trust you, too," he said quietly, so as not to wake the other. "I don't really know what makes me special enough to be worth your time, Jack—you of all people, you who have forever, you who could have anybody you really wanted—but promise, I _promise_, I'll never leave you. As long as you want me, I'll be here. _Right _here."

Maybe Mr Smeed had left him once upon a time… maybe other people had left him, too, maybe that was what caused him to look so sad sometimes… Kam knew he'd never asked for immortality. It must be a terrible burden. _But for…for just as long as you really want me, Cariad… ten years… twenty… however long… I'll be here to shoulder it with you, if you let me. _

He slid back into Jack's arms, and into his scent and his warmth. He laid his head against his chest so the beating of his Captain's heart could lull him to sleep. He only hoped that tonight he would be too tired to dream…

………………………………………………………………..

"Jack! Jack, we've got a problem up here!" were not words Captain Jack Harkness cared to wake up to. He doubted they were words anybody liked to wake up to. However under their current circumstances…

He eyes snapped open as wakefulness took him full force before Smeed's voice came over the com again.

"_**Jackie—!"**_

He hit the button on the speaker next to his bed, "I'm up," he answered his first officer as he hauled himself out of bed and began hurriedly searching for clothes in the semi-darkness. He was only half surprised to find a pair of clean trousers being pressed into his hand. Kam. He appeared to have located a clean t shirt for him as well. Jack nodded his thanks. "What's going on up there?" he asked Smeed as he pulled the t shirt on over his head. Kam was getting dressed too.

"We've got a heavy cruiser on short range. Military. Human," Smeed informed him.

Jack swore. But he could find out how the Hell it had managed to sneak up on them later…assuming there was a later. "Have they spotted us?" he wanted to know.

"I can't tell, Sir, I'm sorry Sir," came Jennings' panicked reply over the intercom. "We just flew into the system's oort cloud—it's playing havoc—"

"You can apologize later!" he snapped. Tolbert had spent _weeks_ on the sensors, this shouldn't be happening… but that, too, was irrelevant and Jack knew it. "Have they seen us or not?" he demanded again, because if they had, the apology would likely be moot.

"I…I don't think so, Sir," came Jennings' timid reply.

The Captain pulled his boots onto his feet…realized he'd just put the left one on the right foot…swore again. "You need to find a way to mask our signal, make us look a little more local."

"I—I don't if I know how to do that, Sir, I don't know what local looks like—"

"Then get somebody up there who does! Mr Chinball!" he hollered for the pilot's attention over the com.

"Sir!"

"How close are we?"

"About fifty clicks, Sir, flying straight at them." He sounded as anxious as Jennings did… as Jack felt.

"Alter course—but keep it casual. Don't make it look like we're running, just like we're trying not to get too up-close and personal. I'm on my way." He laced the second boot tight.

"Jack…?" Kam questioned.

He just nodded. There would be no more keeping Kam off the bridge now than there would have been keeping Ianto safe at home when aliens invaded Cardiff, on any of the occasions when they'd invaded Cardiff. _Besides, if it hits the fan out here, it's not going to matter __**where**__ he is._ Sobered by the thought, Jack pulled his partner into a quick embrace and pressed his lips to the younger man's forehead.

Hopefully today would not be the day he lost him again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

"_Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."_

James Dean

* * *

Kam and Jack arrived to the bridge at the same time as An Cho; she was wearing the same long skirt she'd had on the day she'd been too under the weather for duty, and a camisole that was hardly fit for wearing on the bridge. Not that she'd given her attire much thought, given the circumstances under which she'd been roused from sleep. When she saw the _Welshman's_ Captain and pilot, however, she ducked her head apologetically. "I'm sorry, Sir—" both men were dressed for duty, even though there was an emergency.

Jack waved it aside. Under the circumstances, strict adherence to a dress code was the last of his worries. Just the same, he didn't make an issue of it when she stepped aside to allow both he and Kam entrance to the bridge first. Certain protocols were too ingrained in people like An Cho.

She wasn't the only one; as soon as he was on the bridge, James Smeed gave up his chair.

Likewise, Mr Chinball vacated the pilot's chair so Kam could take his place. He seemed to give up his seat without a second thought, sliding over the chair next to him, settling into the role of secondary navigations without complaint or even comment.

For his part, Kam assumed his station and his role just as easily as Tom Chinball had vacated it, seemingly without second-guessing either himself or the other man. Under different circumstances, Jack's heart would have swollen with joy and pride, however…

"Ok, people, talk to me," he ordered, as Kai Jennings was making room for Ms Cho at comminications console behind him.

It took An only a couple of seconds to assess the situation and report that as far as she could tell, they hadn't been spotted by the military vessel. "I'm tapping into their communication's array," she told him.

Jack raised an eyebrow at her over his shoulder; he hadn't realized she could do that.

"Assuming the Captain has no objections…?" she queried.

"No, Ma'am," he smirked. "Mr Anders, Mr Chinball—?" he had moved to stand behind them, one hand perched on the back of each man's chair—the door slid open again.

Leah Ali looked around the room…since there was no place for her to sit, no station that needed manning, she took up a position quietly near Mr Smeed, waiting for orders or at least for someone to tell her what was going on, why she'd been ordered to the bridge. (Like Avi, she spent her time split between the bridge and down below.)

"Our course has already been altered, Sir," Kam reported smoothly. "We're still going to pass through their sensor range, but they won't be able to get a naked eye visual on us at this range."

Jack nodded at Chinball for a job well done. "All right, Ms Cho, about masking our signal—" he began. Even if Jennings couldn't do it, she should be able to.

"Working on it, Sir," she reported.

The bridge door slid one more time—it was Julian. Jack smiled. "Just the man I wanted to see. Give Ms Cho a hand," he told the younger man.

Neither Jule nor An questioned the Captain's order, although the latter wasn't pleased. She was more than competent to do her job, she didn't need some gypsy… An shoved her ire aside. It wasn't the time and it _wasn't_ as if Mr Kyle had ever been anything but professionally courteous to her, despite the fact that it was obvious he went after anything with a pulse, just so long as it was gorgeous—something she clearly wasn't. Not that she would have wanted him to notice her the way he seemed to notice most of the rest of the crew. It was repulsive. He was like a dog in heat. As far as she'd ever seen, the only people immune to his attentions were the Captain, First Officer and Mr Garrison. And her.

She started to give up her seat to Kyle, but he waved her to sit back down and leaned over her shoulder instead. He reached around her shoulders as well. In any other circumstance… "If you'd like the chair…" she began.

But he didn't seem to be listening. "Just keep doing what you're doing and ignore me," he flashed a thousand watt smile that rivalled one of the Captain's. "I'm going to see if I can make our signal look a little more 'local'."

He apparently used the same cologne, as the Captain did, she noticed absently. And spent as much time on personal grooming.

She went back to concentrating on tapping into the other ship's internal commutations. Within moments, she had an 'ear' on their internal feed… the _Welshman_ had been spotted but was being treated as a minor blip on their radar. She reported as much to the Captain.

"All right, people," he tightened his grip on the back of Kam's chair; the younger man looked up at him. Caught his attention. Smiled. It was the same tight lipped smile he'd seen so many times on another man's face so very many years ago. Ianto never questioned his orders, never acted like he was afraid even when he must have been scared out of his mind… _but he never let me see it._ Kam must be just as scared as the rest of them were…as he was… but it didn't show on his face.

An held her breath right along with the rest of the crew as they entered the other ship's scanner range… a light on her console blinked causing her heart caught in her throat. "We're being hailed, Sir," she told the Captain in a grim tone.

"Let me handle it," said Kyle, before the Captain could speak. He sounded entirely too cavalier for her.

"Captain?" An questioned…Kyle was still over top of her, making it impossible for her to see the man who was actually in charge... but much to her surprise, he agreed to the other man's 'request'.

"Let him get it," Jack said, giving over a warning look that An couldn't see. Julian had _better _know what he was doing.

"Relax, Old Man. I learnt from the best, remember?" he smirked, settling the ear piece into his ear. When answered the military vessel's hail, he spoke in an alien language that sounded to the rest of the crew like little more than gibberish.

An shot him a look of her own; she'd understood just enough of what he was saying to get the gist of it… after all, a communications' expert was only as good as her translation software and to call the translators on most ships unreliable was an understatement. It paid to know a handful of alien languages at least well enough to get permission to dock in a spaceport and find the loo once you got there.

Jack, understanding considerable more than just a few words, grinned and fell into line with the ruse, bellowing out in the same language, demanding to know why they were being held up by a bunch of 'tourists', which was what most of the alien races in this part of space considered humans, even the military.

He doubted that anyone except the Empire vessel's comm. officer could actually understand him, and doubtless he would only understand every third or fourth word, but having two voices blathering at them in the same alien language, one that onboard translation software was ill-equipped to fully sort out, would lend credence to their feigned identity as an Arrgorian trading vessel on its way to the outpost on Tonga Prime—with a 'delicate' cargo of prize ypukis, he noted as he glanced over Julian's shoulder at the fake manifest his thrice great grandson had just sent to the human vessel, as per their Captain's request. Ypukis were large, smelly beasts with foul tempers and equally foul tasting flesh... at least as far as the average human pallet was concerned. The threat of a ship full of them should be enough to keep the Empire from getting too nosey. He hoped.

He shot Julian a wink and demanded again to know what the hold up was; as the Captain of an Arrgorian vessel, he certainly wouldn't have been expected to waste his time learning Human-Speak, it was beneath his dignity. That was why he had an expert like the communications officer Julian was pretending to be. He stepped over to the comm. station and commented loudly that he had to get his cargo to market before the ypukis came into heat and started mating. There was little doubt in his mind that the other ship's comm. officer had understood that little tidbit.

The rest of the bridge crew, unable to understand a word of what was being said, held their breath and prayed to their respective deities, patron saints and ancestors. An, although she understood some of what was being said, held her breath and closed her eyes because surely a ruse so thin, so out and out _**childish**__,_ would never fool anybody, least of all the an Empire military vessel. Those were the men and women charged with defending the Human Empire. They weren't idiots.

A few moments of silence passed… then the other ship's communication's officer came over the channel, speaking in halting Arrgorian. He thanked them for their cooperation and closed out the channel… An couldn't believe it! She gaped up at Harkness and Kyle. It _shouldn't _have worked…

Jule very deliberately cut the ship to ship transmission and counted to three before letting out the whoop of laughter he'd been holding back. "Mating ypukis?" he questioned his thrice great grand father when he could finally speak.

Jack was laughing just as hard. He clasped the other's shoulder affectionately, "As I recall…"

"Whatever works," Julian echoed back Jack's own advice to him, from all those years ago. _Sometimes you have to do whatever works and pray it __**does**__ work, because sometimes you don't have a chance to think a plan through, you just have to go for it._

Still grinning, Julian cast a quick glance in Kam's direction. He'd been so very much younger than the _Welshman's _pilot when he first met Jack—and even to _him_ Kam seemed like a hardly more than a child. How must Jack see him, he wondered. In all that time, Jack hadn't changed a bit… no that wasn't entirely true. He seemed happier than he remembered him being back then. He smiled more. But he _looked_ the same. He would still look the same in another thirty or forty years, in thirty or forty years after that… For Jack's sake, he hoped Kam would really be ok with that. It wasn't something most people could live with... it was something James Smeed couldn't live with.

Jack moved back to stand behind his partner's seat as he addressed the rest of the bridge crew, explaining that they were out of the woods. "At least for the moment," he added in a cautionary tone. He didn't go into detail about how they'd managed to pull it off. He'd seen the look on Cho's face. Clearly she understood at least part of what was being said and couldn't believe it had worked. Frankly, neither could he.

"Everybody back to your stations," he told them. "And let's not have any more surprises," his gaze took in everybody, but settled on Jennings for just a second longer than the others.

Kai didn't meet the older man's blue eyes. "Sir…" he began, awkwardly, clearly expecting a reprimand for getting them into the situation in the first place. He wasn't sure what the Captain would do to him, but...

He waved him silent. "Just don'tlet it happen again, Mr Jennings," he told him in a sharp tone. "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not spend the rest of my life making license plates on some penal colony," he added with a rueful smirk. As soon as they reached Tunga Prime, he was going to have Roberta and Buddy go over the sensors with a fine toothed comb. He _hoped_ the problem was nothing more than damaged done by the beetles that they hadn't caught yet.

He turned his attention back to the others. "Good work, everybody. Ms Cho—now get some sleep," he ordered her. Cho's expression didn't escape his notice. An wasn't used to getting compliments from her superiors. None of them were. They had all been expecting him to rip into Jennings like a Hoix attacking an all you can eat buffet… "You _all _did a great job," he told them earnestly, making sure to catch Jennings' eye when he said it. "I mean that."

"Thank you, Sir," came the younger man's soft answer. The use of corporal punishment wasn't uncommon in the Empire, especially out in the fringes… _but not on the _Welshman, Jennings thought. Jack wasn't like other Captains. He wasn't like anybody any of them had ever known before. When Kam stood up, he resumed his seat; Leah took the seat next to him, quickly and quietly, probably glad not to have been noticed or in the way.

………………………………………………………………

"I thought the Captain told you to get some sleep," Julian said when he sat down, uninvited, next to An Cho in the mess. He was drinking coffee; it looked like she had a cup of tea.

She regarded him a moment. She wasn't about to tell him that she wasn't tired, not after the last…she glanced at her watch…forty five minutes. Had it really only been forty five minutes since she'd been woken up? Did it take so little time to come face to face with possible arrest…death…find a way through it, ridiculously implausible as it was, and settle in for a cup of tea?

"How did you come up with something like that?" she asked, ignoring his question.

Kyle smirked. "My…grandfather…" he took a sip of his coffee to hide his broadening grin, "was a smuggler, a con artist. He told me this story once about having to get past a military checkpoint with a cargo of stolen military supplies," he grinned. "He pulled the exact same stunt. Of course he tells…erm…_told_… the story better than I do," he added. He would definitely leave the story telling to Jack, he just didn't have the flare for it that the Captain did.

She narrowed her eyes at him. That might explain Mr Kyle's ability to think on his feet like that, but the Captain…? He'd fallen right in line with the ruse…she shrugged and drank her tea. It wasn't any of her business. So what if Captain happened to have known Julian Kyle's grandfather, a smuggler and a con artist…and a gypsy like Kyle, no doubt. She suspected that trafficking with gypsies was the least of the Captain's 'crimes' against the Great and Bountiful. She still couldn't deny that he was a good Captain, a good man, not after their little 'talk' a few weeks ago.

She and Julian settled into comfortable silence, her with her tea, him with his coffee.

…………………………………………………………………

"Cariad?" Kam asked as he snuggled back into his lover's arms, once they were finally back in bed. Before returning to their cabin, Jack had wanted to stop by the engine room for a 'quick chat' with Buddy Garrison about the sensor array. Kam went with him, expecting that it would really be a quick chat. That was almost an hour and a half ago.

Only about half the conversation had been about the sensors or the Empire vessel. Buddy was still content to let things stand the way they were between he and Anneke and no amount of cajoling on Jack's part could get the big man to budge. It was better this way, he insisted, for both he and Anneke. Kam wasn't sure he agreed…

"Hmmm?" Jack responded to his previous query; he sounded sleepy.

"What's a license plate?"

The older man let out a soft chuckle. "Hopefully something neither of us is going to have to worry about, any time soon." He pressed a gentle kiss to the young man's forehead. "Get some sleep, Sweetheart."

Kam nodded against his chest and readjusted himself into a more comfortable position, one arm wrapped snugly around his lover's torso, the other tucked up under his pillow. Jack held him. Nothing had ever felt so good as having those strong arms around him, protecting him, keeping him safe.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N:**

Wow, ok, I just realized how short this was compared to the previous few chapters... sorry about that, just trying to get back into this one. Thank you again for the reviews, they are truely appreciated!!

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Chapter Twenty Nine

_Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same._  
- Emily Bronte

* * *

Lach gathered his lover into his arms the instant he stepped into the kitchen at the end of his shift. On a vessel the size of Jack Harkness' _Welshman_, it was impossible not to have heard what happened earlier, on the bridge.

Kai didn't resist being held—usually he at least pretended to care that they might get caught stealing a moment when one or the other of them was still on duty. His lack or resistance only served to worry the ship's cook more. He was sure that the incident with the military cruiser wasn't really Kai's fault, it was probably a system malfunction, but that didn't mean Kai wouldn't be held accountable. He had been on duty, it was his responsibility. Sitting in the kitchen waiting to find out what exactly the Captain was going to do about whatever negligence he decided Kai was guilty of had frayed his nerves to shreds. However, even under the most lenient of commands, there was no excuse for the ship's cook to wander up to the bridge and ask if his lover was going to be spending the next fortnight in lockup. Or worse. Not that he really would have expected worse with Harkness. Jack was fair. He was so much better than fair. But even he wouldn't let something like that go without some kind of reprimand, some form of punishment. He was a captain and ships' captains, even the best of them, had to maintain control. Authority. It was the way things were done and just because Jack wasn't the sort to beat his men…

And Kai still hanging onto him—clinging to him as if…. "Hey, come on, talk to me," Lach coaxed. He tilted the younger man's chin up so he could look in his eyes.

"I could have gotten us all killed," he croaked out; there were unshed tears glistening in his eyes. Shame. Guilt. "I…I can't believe I was so stupid! I put us right in their path…"

"Shhh, hey, baby, all that matters is that we're all still here. We're ok," the last was very nearly a question. He didn't know how to ask what he really wanted to know. It didn't escape his notice that instead of clamouring for their supper, the rest of the day shift was giving the two of them privacy. Under any other circumstances he would be grateful, but at the moment, he feared it was an ill omen. But surely the worst Jack would do was toss Kai in lockup for a few days, dock his pay… revoke a few privileges for a while. He wouldn't actually put him off the ship… "Come on, sit down. I'll fix you a plate."

"You should get the rest of the shift fed first," Kai told him, pulling back, refusing to be coddled further.

"What about you?"

"I'm not sure I can eat, not tonight."

"Kai, tell me what happened."

"I almost got us all killed, that's what happened. If Julian Kyle…"

"Kyle?"

There other nodded, still looking miserable. "He pulled some sort of ruse, convinced the cruiser we were an alien transport ship… him and the Captain. If it weren't for them, we'd be in lockup by now."

"But we're not. We're ok," he gave over another questioning look, hoping they were really all ok.

Kai nodded again, finally understating his lover's unasked question. What he didn't understand was why the Captain's reaction made him feel even more ashamed of his own negligence. If he'd yelled at him, thrown him in lockup, revoked privileges… but he hadn't. "The Captain…he didn't even… he just told me not to let it happen again. I expected Smeed to pull me aside after and… and say something… _do_ something—put me on latrine duty or something. But he didn't. At the end of the shift, he told us again that we'd all done good, just like Jack did before he and Kam left the bridge. All of us, Lach. Even me.

"What kind of a man is he?" Kai wanted to know. "What kind of man would let something like that slide without…without doing _anything _to the crewman responsible?"

"He's the good kind." The kind Lach hadn't been sure really still existed in the Universe. The kind none of them had thought still existed. "And he's not the only one," he added with a smile and a purposeful look in the other's direction.

"I screwed up."

"Everybody screws up, Babe," he pressed another kiss to the other's forehead before heading out to see about getting the rest of the crew their supper. "I'll be back in a minute," he promised.

"I'll be here."

………………………………………………………………

"Was it you, or the sensors?" Harkness asked, when Kai Jennings came to his office many hours later, saying the same things he'd said to the ship's cook.

He didn't meet the Captain's icy blue gaze. "It doesn't matter whether it was me or the sensors, Sir. I was on duty, it was my responsibility, Sir. I—I accept that, Sir." The more he'd tried to forget about it like Lach said he should, the more it needled at him. He really didn't expect the Captain to ambush him with a reprimand later, he wasn't like that (although he'd known men who were and Harkness certainly had a reputation for being mercurial, unpredictable), but he couldn't get over the feeling that he'd done something wrong and there should be consequences for it. Nobody let anybody off the hook like that.

The older man regarded him a long, thoughtful moment. "So what are you saying, you want me to discipline you?" he had a sudden flash of a conversation from centuries ago…Toshiko… he was sure it was Tosh… and an alien necklace, an alien she'd brought into the Hub… and Bobby… how many rules had Bobby Chase broken over the course of his years working for Torchwood?

"I—I made a mistake, Sir," Kai's voice brought him back to the present.

Jack folded his hands in front of him on his desk. "Mr Jennings—Kai—if reprimanded my crew for every mistake everybody made, we'd all spend more time in lockup than we would at our posts," he flashed what he hoped was a good natured smile. "And that includes me, by the way," he added to the startled, disbelieving, look on the younger man's face. "I've made more mistakes than anybody else on this tub." _I've loved longer…_

Jennings swallowed hard, seeming to draw a conclusion…the wrong conclusion, Jack realized, correctly assessing the guilt-plagued look that suddenly clouded the other's face.

He moved out from behind his desk and rested his hand on the crewman's shoulder, forcing him to look up at him. "One of the mistakes I _didn't _make, was when I decided to offer you a permanent contract, Kai. You…this whole crew…I am so proud of each and every one of you. It is an honour to have you, all of you, on my ship."

"I—I don't understand…" he searched the Captain's face looking for any sign…but his expression bore out his tone. He meant it.

"I was alone for a long time," he confided. "It was by design. And it was a mistake. I'd forgotten how good it felt to have friends, people I could count on. People who don't look at me as a means to an end… a short term meal ticket. At least that's assuming…" he left it hanging, even though he felt confident in the answer.

"No, Sir! This ship, his crew…it's been so long since I've had a home, Sir. But even then…" he bit back the last of it.

"Even then it wasn't much of a home?" Jack hazarded.

"I…I was younger then. I… I did a lot of stuff I'm not exactly proud of, Sir. I didn't know better."

The Captain gave him an appraising look… He couldn't be more than twenty five, but out on the fringes where life was hard, short…involuntarily his thoughts leapt to Kam. He was twenty. _I want more than fourteen short, years…_ it was selfish. There was always the chance that Kam would decide to pull up stakes and leave him for greener pastures, a normal life… _but I would give anything for forty or fifty years together this time…_

"We've all made mistakes, Crewman," he told the young man standing in front of him. "Everybody deserves a second chance. Everybody deserves to feel safe. To _**be**_ safe." _To feel loved…valued. _

"I'm not sure too many other people in the Empire see it that way, Sir. If… if you don't mind me speaking freely," he added. His lose tongue had gotten him into trouble on more than one occasion.

Jack just smiled. "I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to speak freely. But… if there's nothing else I can do for you…?" he asked because as much as he didn't want to deal with it, he'd promised James he'd go over the books before they arrived at Tunga Tav, and by his estimation, they would be there before the end of the night shift.

"No, Sir. Thank you, Sir. For everything."

"I'm not sure even I can take credit for everything, Mr Jennings," Jack teased, walking the younger man to his door. He was very pleased to see Kam standing on the other side of it, carrying two cups of coffee. "But you're welcome."

Kai excused himself as quickly as courtesy would allow.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," the Welshman's pilot said, as he set the mugs down on Jack's desk.

He drew him into his arms, "Nope. You are just the man I wanted to see, in fact."

Kam met his kiss half way, returned it, but gave him a scrutinizing look just the same. "Why is that?" he asked. Technically he was supposed to be on the bridge, but when Julian had come up to relieve him for lunch, he'd decided to check in on Jack first.

"Do you know anything about accounting…?" he began; the younger man's look silenced him. It had been a long shot, _just because Ianto kept the financials in perfect order…_ Kam's next words still surprised him.

"I could learn," he said in a shy, uncertain sounding tone, "If…if you wanted me to."

Jack brushed his lips against the young man's mouth again. "You don't ever have to do anything you don't want to, Cariad," he promised softly. "Not for me or anybody else."

He bit his lip, still looking, sounding, a little uncertain. "I love you, Jack."

"I love you too. I will always love you," he added because, selfishly, he loved the way Kam looked at him when he said it—which didn't make the words any less true. "And I will never, ever forget you," he promised.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N:**

Another short one... as always a HUGE thank you for the reviews. They make my day and feed my Muse.

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**Chapter Thirty**

"_There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy."_

Lope de Vega

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"All right, gang, listen up," Jack addressed the crew in the mess again. Again, he stood up, although he realized he didn't have to. They were listening even before he told them to. "We're the aliens here. I need you to remember that. The only humans you're like to see will be military personnel—and even the chances of that are slim," he added to the slightly nervous looks that statement had generated.

Less than thirty minutes previous, they'd landed on the first moon of Tunga Prime, a gas giant located just on the barely inside the habitable zone of a double-star system. Tunga Tav, the next (and much smaller) world in, was right underneath the military space station that that cruiser had come from.

"I'm grating liberty, you've earned it," he went on; nervous looks became startled expressions. "On a ship like this, we never know when we're going to be planetside again, and even a chilly little snowball like this one is worth getting out and having a look at," he grinned. "I don't know about any of you, but I like the feel of solid ground beneath my feet once in a while, the smell of fresh air," he glanced in Kam's direction.

It was his young pilot's reaction to being on Pieri that had reminded him how seldom some of these kids got the chance to experience real ground and sky. "But," he went on, "I don't want you going out in groups of less than four. Stay together and keep your heads down. If you get into any more bar fights, they're not going to come find me so fast around here. You could find yourselves cooling your heels in a jail cell until I come find you. I will," he added in a firm tone. "But it could take a while, so try to stay out of trouble."

Jack gave them a second to digest that, to imagine sitting around in a cold alien jail cell waiting for him to come find them. He nodded to his first officer. "Jimmy's got translators and short range communicators for each party. I don't want you relying on the translators—they're better than most, but it's easy to miss the subtleties of a language when you're using a computer program to translate," he warned. "So don't try to get into any deep philosophical conversation with the locals. And _don't_ assume that just because something looks familiar, it is what you think it is." He wondered briefly if he should let them read his copy of the Torchwood pamphlet entitled _The Toothpick that Ate Henry_. "That goes double for food and drink. Not everything that's safe for other species to consume is fit or even safe for humans. The same goes for the local 'entertainment,' if you catch my meaning," he let his gaze fall on Julian in particular, even though Jule probably knew better than most the hazards of sampling the wares at the local brothel. But it was a good way to drive his point home, seeing as Julian had been hitting on every single memeber of his crew. Fortunately, they were doing a good job of ignoring it when he did.

"If you do buy something out there," Jack told them, "and there's plenty out there to buy, believe me, I want to see it _**before**_ you bring it back on board the ship. No exceptions. I'm not trying to be a jerk," he added, needlessly. It wasn't an unusual request for a captain to make, just not one he'd ever made before. "But I'm a little more familiar with alien goods than the rest of you."

Julian snickered. "What was that you said about not sampling the local 'wares', Old Man?" he teased.

"Watch it, Mister," Jack warned, although his expression made it obvious, at least to Jule (and Kam who understood them), that he wasn't really angry. "Just be careful," said Jack in parting, his gaze once more taking in his entire crew.

……………………………………………………………

"Thanks for letting me come with you," Anneke flashed a shy, warm smile up at the Jack as they made their way out into the open-air space port. She was pretty sure the Captain didn't really want her tagging along with him, Kam and Julian Kyle because she was pretty sure they were off on some sort of business that didn't involve her. No one knew exactly what the Captain was up to in bringing them so far out of the Empire, they only knew it had something to do with Julian Kyle.

Anneke hadn't intended to pry or insinuate herself into things that didn't concern her any more than she'd meant to give Jack such a forlorn look when she asked if she could please take her liberty with them, but when Liza had asked her if she wanted to go out with her, Buddy, Avi and An…she didn't feel like being a part of the 'singles' party today.

"Just remember what I said about not getting into trouble," Jack answered her.

Anneke nodded; she glanced over her shoulder and caught sight of Buddy heading off in the opposite direction with Avi, An and Liza. She felt like such an idiot… but then she felt Kam's hand slide into hers and felt better for being with him and Jack (even if she still didn't know quite what to make of Julian Kyle most days.)

She didn't realize that Buddy turned just then and saw the way Kam pulled her in close, responding to her need for comfort. "Thanks," she told the young pilot quietly, giving his hand a squeeze, glad of the support. The friendship. She still wouldn't mind being in his and Jack's bed, she was sure that sex with them would be better than anything in any book. But having them as friends was so much more important.

Besides, it wasn't really them that she wanted, she wanted to be somebody's real girlfriend and she knew that even though there were some three- and even four-way relationships that worked fantastically, it would never happen with Jack and Kam. Kam only had eyes for his Captain and the older man, despite his wild reputation and propensity for flirting with everything that moved, didn't seem, at least to her, the least bit unhappy with that. And Anneke was happy for them. She just wished she could find somebody to look at her they way they looked at each other.

She glanced again in the direction Buddy had gone, but he'd already vanished into the crowd… she wished she knew what it was about that that made her heart sink to the soles of her shoes. She'd never mooned over anybody before. _But Buddy's so… _she heaved a sigh and pulled in closer to Kam. She didn't know what it was about Buddy that she liked so much. His smile, the glint of good-humour that almost never left his eyes; his laugh. He had a laugh a lot like the Captain's, uncontained and unafraid. It must be nice to be that unafraid.

Julian looked at Kam and Anneke and then at Jack; the Old Man just shook his head. Whatever was going on between those two, it wasn't what it seemed and it _wasn't _his business.

"Come on," Jack led the way towards what looked like town proper, rather than the Market, which was where the rest of the crew were headed. He cast a quick look towards Anneke as well. "By the way, Crewman…"

"Wherever you're going, it's your business, Sir. Jack," she blushed slightly under the sudden scrutiny of his gaze.

He nodded. "This shouldn't take long. Then we can go enjoy ourselves a little," his gaze fell on Kam and the young man smiled in response.

…………………………………………………………..

Avi was the first person to have noticed the dark cloud descend over Buddy's features as they headed towards the Market. Despite the fact that the Captain had called the place a 'snowball', there wasn't any actual snow on the ground, the air was just a lot colder than he was used to. Than any of them were used to, he reckoned. He was glad he had a good warm coat—and it didn't look like it was the cold that was bothering the big engineer.

"You ok?" he asked quietly, falling behind An and Liza.

"Yeah," the other man lied. "Just…been a while since I've been planetside," which was the truth, but the truth was that he'd barely been paying attention to the ground under his work boots or the pale blue sky above his head. All he could think about was the way that Anneke was holding Kam's hand and why hadn't Jack just _told _him there was something going on there?

_Probably trying to spare my feelings…_ but if that was the case, why had he encouraged him to ask her out?

He sighed. It didn't matter. There wasn't a woman alive who would want him anyway… Buddy forced a smile down at the salvager. He had his friends. That was enough, it had been for a long time.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:**

Once again, I take no credit for Adonia or the Adonian people, they are the fantastic creation of Margret Weiss.  
As always, thank you for the reviews/fave/alert listings this has gotten, and for just continuing to read. Yes, we are finally winding down towards the end...

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**Chapter Thirty One**

"_A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view."_

Wilma Askinas

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"As I live and breathe, if it isn't Jack Harkness himself!" the human woman greeted them after her butler—a very non-human looking alien—led them through to a lavishly appointed sitting room. The woman was attired head to toe in shades of purple and lavender. She rose from her velvet cushioned chair with exaggerated grace and flourish, crossed the room with an equal amount of both grace and flourish, and leant in to kiss Jack's cheek.

He stopped her.

She looked hurt.

"Lip gloss?" he queried.

Her suddenly laughter was like tinkling bells. "Purple passion fruit and nothing more, darling. Why? Have you done something I should be cross at you over?" her tone was full of mischief.

He smirked and leant in so she could kiss his cheek. "Not yet."

The remark earned him a gently rebuking glower. It didn't last long. "And who are these lovely creatures?" she inquired as her gaze shifted to his companions. "Human? Surely not… entirely too beautiful," she purred as her gaze settled over each in turn. Kam couldn't help but noticed the glazed over look in her kohl encircled emerald eyes. He knew that look… "And _you_…" she smiled at him in particular. "I would love to take you home and…"

Jack cleared his throat, "Larissa, this is Kamden Anders. My _partner_."

"Your…?" the concept seemed to have a hard time penetrating the haze of floral perfume. In time, however, she realized just what he was saying. "Oh! Oh dear me, I do apologize," she backed off sounding genuinely contrite. "I'd no idea… Jack Harkness… a partner?" She gave him a disbelieving look. "Still, there's always room for one more…or two…three…" her gaze took in the three of them again. "I've got a _very_ big bed," she winked at Jack, "As I'm sure you well remember from when we met. What a lovely party that was, too…" she sighed wistfully. Just like her laugh, it was a delicate sound.

Jack sighed as well, although it wasn't wistful. He supposed he should have expected something like this. "Larissa, I need a favour," he told her.

"Oh? Refreshments? Food? Drink?"

"No. Thank you," the Captain answered for them. "Julian," he nodded towards his thrice-great grandson, "Needs to get to Tunga Tav."

"Whatever for?" she asked, sounding as if she'd just swallowed a mouthful of sour milk.

"It doesn't matter," he told her. "Can you get him there?"

She continued to look as if the idea of going to Tunga Tav was physically painful.

Jack continued to wait.

"Oh, all right," she finally relented. "I suppose I can arrange something, but why exactly why I should want to go to that dismal little world filled with those…well, never mind," she waved it off with a lilac fingernail-painted hand. "Very well, Jack. For you, anything. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

He just smiled. "Have I mentioned how lovely you are?"

"Not since you've arrived, no. Shame on you, too. I should turn you over my knee and…" she let her voice trail off. Suddenly her expression changed completely. "Now. If I'm to do you a favour, you _must _do one for me in return and have a drink with me," she insisted with a bright smile, moving over to the sideboard behind her chair. "I promise you, darlings, it's completely safe," she added over her shoulder as she poured five amethyst coloured glasses of rich amber liquid from a decanter. The entire set matched her outfit perfectly, as if it were intended as a fashion accessory.

"It's just…hmmm…well truthfully I can't recall what it is. Perhaps you had best have the first glass, after all Captain, just in case," she passed over one of the purple snifters to him. "Although I'm sure it's nothing _too_ poisonous," she winked as if it were a private joke between them. "I always keep the dangerous stuff locked away. It's a wonder I ever let _you _go," she added with another sly wink.

Before Jack could test the contents of his glass, she raised her own glass to him in a toast and took a healthy sip of its contents, smiling appreciatively as the amber liquid worked its way through her system.

Despite the unnaturally tranquil look that came over Larissa's face, Jack sampled the liquor and after several seconds of no ill effects, declared it safe to drink. Just the same, he was relieved to see that Kam and Anneke both sipped it very slowly and both left their glasses mostly full when they took their leave an hour later. Larissa wasn't offended.

She kissed them each on the cheeks in parting like they were all her new best friends and promised to have the arrangements all set within a day or two, but invited them to come by anytime, in too sincere a tone for it to be merely a platitude.

……………………………………………………..

"All right, Old Man, spill it," Julian ordered as soon as they were clear of the front door of the large, richly appointed home of his 'friend.'

Jack just laughed. "She's the Adonian ambassador to this region."

Jule grimaced.

"Yeah, but it could've been worse," the older man assured him.

Anneke frowned, trying to make sense of the things that were clearly not being said. Never in her life had she met anybody like Jack's 'friend' (although it was reasonably clear that they must have been lovers… and that Kam didn't seem the least bit unhappy. She was sure she would be unhappy if she were in his shoes.)

"Adonians place a lot value on aesthetics and status," Kam told her in a simple, matter-of-fact tone. "Being forced to live so far outside the Empire was probably some sort of punishment." The statement garnered him an askance look from the Captain. He blushed, wondering if he shouldn't have said anything.

The part about Adonians and aesthetics and status was common knowledge, as far as he knew. It was something he'd read in a book. The rest was just conjecture…and maybe Jack didn't want him talking out of turn. It was hardly his place to make what must have sounded like ill-meaning assumptions about one of his friends. "That is…I…I just meant…I didn't intend…" he hadn't meant to overstep his bounds or seem rude.

But then Jack smiled. Kam couldn't possibly have known how much the Captain loved being surprised when he discovered something new…something old… about the younger man, who at times almost seemed to really 'know everything.'

Jack snaked his arm around his lover's waist and pulled him close. "Come on, there's a café around here that serves up the best crepes in the region. I'm pretty sure this time of year they might even have pineapple…."

………………………………………………………………..

Anneke wasn't entirely surprised when Jack paid the bill for all for all of them. She was beginning to suspect that he may be more well off than she imagined a ship's captain usually was. _Then again, the only gambling I've ever seen him do is with his own crew,_ and they never seemed to play for much. Her father used to play poker like that; he said that it made the game more interesting to have a few coins change hands, but that a man should never bet more than he could afford to lose to a friend. She missed him…

"Thank you for the meal," she told the Captain as they rose to leave; she'd noticed quickly enough that Julian was as courteous as Jack and Kam. He and Jack had nearly tripped over each other to get the door for her when they came into the little café; Julian stepped back to allow Jack to get it on the way out. (Kam had held back from beginning, letting Jack and Jule sort out who was going to be the most genteel. Anneke noted with interest that watching them seemed to amuse the _Welshman_'s pilot.) It didn't escape her notice that of all the people that Jack and Julian flirted with, they didn't flirt with each other.

She was chewing on her thoughts when someone yelled Kam's name…

…………………………………………………………..

"You look like a man on a mission," Liza observed of the way Buddy was looking over the wares in the stall. The Market was a hundred times bigger than any shopping district on any station she'd ever been on, and even more diverse. The Captain hadn't been kidding, either, in the two hours they'd been there, she hadn't seen another human.

The big engineer shrugged.

"Come on, what're you looking for?" she coaxed, glanced over in Avi and An's direction; they were two stalls ahead, but they were doing a good job of keeping an eye on each other. Avi looked her way, smiled… made her feel like an idiot. She knew he only seemed to have eyes for Leah, even though by all appearances they were just good friends, she knew the salvager wanted more. Buddy's voice broke through her thoughts:

"Anneke's birthday is next week. I kinda wanted… I guess maybe it's silly but… I wanted t' get her something. Nothing big, just… I was kinda a jerk to her the other week."

"You?" she had a hard time imagining Buddy being a jerk to anybody.

"I… I was just stupid about something is all."

Liza smiled; she glanced in Avi's direction again. "Yeah. I guess we're all stupid once in a while." She almost wondered if she should turn her attention to somebody who actually wanted it, if only for the moment. Julian had made it clear that his bed was empty and any time she felt like taking a tumble, he'd make it worth her while. She had no real doubts about that, but still…

…………………………………………………………..

"You don't have to hang out here with me," Anna told Jimmy. Again.

He just smiled. She was staying back at the ship in case there was a medical emergency, or so she said. "There's nothin' out there that beats what I've got right here," he told her honestly.

Anna smiled; she leant in and kissed him softly on the lips…

…………………………………………………………

The voice had been female, human…or at least it didn't sound like it had come from an alien throat. Just the same, Kam tried very hard to pretend he hadn't heard it. Maybe his name was some word in some other language… but Jack was looking at him.

_"Kam!"_ this time the voice sounded closer this time, practically right behind them.

Jule was looking at him too, and Anneke had turned around. Kam felt his heart sinking to the soles of his shoes.

"Sweetheart?" Jack whispered at him as they turned as well.

He heard the protectiveness in his partner's tone. If he said he wanted to run away, he would get him out of there, get him back to the ship, he knew he would. But he shook his head, just enough for Jack to see. He remembered what Julian had said about Tungans and dreams and wondered briefly if all those nightmares from the last few weeks had been leading up to this or if it was just a coincidence…

Suddenly facing the four of them, the woman who had been calling his name stopped short and looked nervous. Very nervous, especially when her gaze came to rest on the Captain, the clear leader of the group, a man who was keeping his hand protectively—possessively—on Kam's hip. A man with hard, cold blue eyes….

She didn't to Jack like she was much older than Kam or Anneke, but she wasn't dressed anything like either of them. If anything, she looked a bit little like Julian had, before he toned it down for the sake of the rest of the crew (although nothing about her bespoke being well off or even especially comfortable, financially.)

She swallowed and took half a step forward, eyeing Jack wearily. "I'm sorry, Sir…I didn't mean to intrude," she spoke in Empire Standard. When the older man didn't object—although his continued scowl wasn't lost on her—she shifted her gaze to Kam. "Kamden? Is that really you?" her voice was almost a whisper. She couldn't help another nervous glance at the man holding him, but all he did was frown.

Kam nodded. "Yeah. It's me. I…I didn't expect…" he shook himself. Obviously he'd never expected to see her again. She couldn't ever have expected to see him, either. The galaxy was a big place. "How—how are you, Ree?" he stammered, trying to sound polite.

"Good. And you?" but even though she asked him the question, it was the man hanging onto him that she looked at, seemingly half expecting him to answre. She glanced quickly at the other two, too, but only briefly before her gaze settled back on the man with the cold blue eyes.

"I'm good," Kam told her the truth.

"Are you going to introduce us?" Jack asked then. His tone was cool, although Kam was pretty sure he understood it, he was only reacting to his discomfort. Just the same, he apologized for his oversight (not that Jack had introduced them to _his_ friend, although in all fairness, the Adonian ambassador hardly let anyone get in a word edgewise, let alone a full sentence. She chattered about this and that, meandering aimlessly from topic to topic like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower without any idea where it was going or what it was going to do once it got there.) He cleared his throat. "Sir, this is Valaree Anders. My cousin. Ree, please meet Captain Jack Harkness and members of his crew, Mr Julian Kyle and Miss Anneke Strickson."

Jack released the hold on his partner's hip so he could shake hands with the young woman. He hadn't missed the way her expression darkened even further when Kam gave his title. Her glance darted from his face to Kam's wrists and back again, the conclusion she was coming to obvious. But he wasn't going to correct her. In another time, another place, he might have been hurt, but under the circumstances he thought he understood. Kam had only ever mentioned two relatives, his mother and his uncle, which made it seem logical to conclude that this was the daughter of the man who had sold him into Service. Jack supposed that she must just be grateful that it hadn't been her, she was certainly pretty enough.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir," she told him quietly, accepting his hand and doing a poor job of masking her distain, even wehn she exchanged brief pleasantries with Anneke and Jule. Clearly she didn't like them either, probably because of their association with him.

Anneke Strickson did her best to remain professional; she'd heard some of the same stories Jack had and had come to the same conclusion as he about who the woman must be. Julian slid into the role dictated by Jack's chilly attitude, assuming similar demeanour himself.

Jack laid his hand back on Kam's hip; the younger man leaned into him. "If you'll excuse—" he began in Ms Anders' direction.

"Captain, if…if it… that is, could I please have a few moments with my cousin, Sir?" she begged. "I promise, just a moment or two. My shop isn't far from here—it's just a little pottery shop," she explained. "We haven't seen each other in a very long time, Sir," she added, as if trying to sway his decision. "Please?"

Jack looked to his partner, but the young man's expression was impossible to read. He could only begin to imagine how conflicted he must feel… but he couldn't make Kam's mind up for him. "It's up to you," he finally said.


	32. Chapter 32

**As always, thank you for the lovely reviews! They keep the Muses happy….**

My character Larissa is patterened largely after Margret Weiss' endearing Adonian poisoner Raoul (who knows, maybe she's his some odd greats grandmother... after John Hart's comment about getting the poison lip gloss idea from Jack, I started to wonder where Jack had gotten it from...) if anyone enjoys a good sci-fi romp that's a much lighter read than some of the heavies out there (Pohl, Asamov... you know the classics who are equal amounts science and fiction), I seriously can't recommend the Mag Force 7 books highly enough.

**

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**Chapter Thirty Two**

_Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that._ ~Michael Leunig

* * *

Kai looked over at his lover and smiled; they'd discovered a market within the market that sold nothing but kitchen ingredients, fruits and vegetables, spices… things the crew of the _Welshman_ couldn't begin to guess at.

"He looks happy," Roberta whispered at Kai's elbow.

The cook's partner chuckled softly. "Yeah, he's in his element, all right," he agreed. Lach looked like he'd died and gone to Heaven. So far he hadn't bought anything. He probably wouldn't until he conferred with the Captain, but he'd been talking to one particular vendor for the last twenty or thirty minutes while Tom and Leah looked at the flowers…or more accurately, while Leah looked at the flowers and Tom tried very hard not to look bored. His expression was about the same as Carsten's.

Having recognized that four of the five (or six if one counted Julian Kyle) single members of the crew had headed off together, Roberta, Carsten, Tom, Leah, Kai and Lach decided to team up for their excursion into the alien market. Sometimes Roberta Tolbert wondered if her single crewmates were ever bothered by the obvious couples in their midst… but then she thought about what Avi had done to Kam and she wasn't sure she cared, at least not about him. He was just lucky she'd only heard about it after the fact—luckier still that Kam had forgiven him. That _Jack_ had forgiven him. It was only because of that, that she endeavoured to continue getting along with the salvager.

Some days that was easier than others. _But we all have pasts,_ she reminded herself. Maybe something in Avi's past told him it was the all right to demand sexual favours of a complete stranger, someone younger and more vulnerable to him… _and maybe someday I'll even accept that as a valid excuse. _

She slid her arm into Kai's, trying to shake herself free of her darker musings. After all, she and Avi served together and the Captain was right, out here all they had was each other...

"Should I be jealous?" Carsten teased her then, his voice bringing her out of her thoughts and back into the sunshine. She loved the fact that it was a completely open air market; like most of the rest of the crew, Roberta had spent nearly all of her life on ships and space stations. It was good to have a perfect blue sky overheard, real ground under her boots. A pair of suns sat together like dark golden twins, just between the zenith and the horizon, although it was impossible to tell by that alone whether it was morning or afternoon local time (in fact, it was afternoon.)

Kai laughed in response to Carsten's question. "Just because I'm feeling like second fiddle to a row of vegetables…or… I _think_ they're vegetables." The things Lach was currently engrossed in deep conversation with the vendor over looked repulsive… long, grey, slimy… maybe they were fish? But since there weren't enough translators available for everybody heading out, they had to share. He was more than content to let Lach use the one they'd been given. He wouldn't have even known what questions to ask anyway.

Carsten chuckled in return to his comment. "I know how you feel. She loves the ship more than she loves me."

"I do not!" Roberta pulled away from Kai and landed well placed fist on Carsten's arm, although she was clearly having a hard time not laughing and she hadn't hit him anywhere near full force.

A couple of rows over, Leah leant in towards Tom. "I can't remember a time I've ever been a part of a crew like this one," she whispered, smiling up at him.

He smiled back. "Me either." What he didn't tell her was how relieved he'd been when Avi decided to go off with Buddy and the others. He tried not to be annoyed, jealous, but sometimes he couldn't help but be bothered by the way salvager seemed to spend his every free moment with Leah. And she was just too nice a person to tell him how unwanted his attention was… or at least he hoped it was…

Oblivious to their crewmate's thoughts, Roberta, Carsten and Kai made their way across the road to another row of stalls—_after_ Roberta gave Carsten another good sock to the arm and very big kiss, the kind that left him dazed and speechless (but obviously very happy.)

"So what happened to the green eyed monster?" she asked Kai, her arm tucked back up into his again.

"What d'you mean?" he questioned. Sometimes Roberta was as full of odd colloquialisms as the Captain.

"You're leaving Lach back there all alone," she said, nodding in the direction they'd come.

He frowned. "Tom and Leah are right there…" Lach wasn't alone and they weren't going far, just across the road (although it was barely qualified as such, it was hardly wide enough for a pushcart.) They'd be all able to see each other easily enough over the tops of the low stalls, not that he was expecting anything untoward to happen. Despite the tightness that had initially overtaken his gut when he realized they were really the only humans in sight, the vendors and buyers had all been polite, even friendly towards them. And he'd finally seen what a ypuki was. Kai was infinitely grateful they _didn't _have a cargo hold full of those! It was little wonder the Empire cruiser had let them go so easily.

Roberta was grinning at him. "I _meant_, you're not hovering over him. You're letting him shop for whatever he wants without poking and prodding at him all the time," she explained.

He blinked. "I guess… I don't feel like I have to hover," he told her. They hadn't actually said the words, _I love you_, but everything they did say, the way Lach looked at him, the way he held him in the middle of the night… or day… or whenever they got the chance to be in the bed they shared at same time because Lach's schedule made keeping regular hours impossible… every thing the other man did told him he loved him. And Lach was right, on a ship the size of the _Welshman_ he really did know where he was twenty four hours a day, even if he didn't feel as if he had to.

"Besides," Kai grinned at Roberta, "what's he going to do, make off with one of the vendors?" They were the only people his boyfriend seemed interested in talking to and none of them were even _remotely _close to being human. It didn't hurt any that the cook looked up just then, caught his gaze, held it a second and smiled, making him feel like he was the centre of the entire universe, at least where one man was concerned.

"You never know," Roberta was oblivious to the exchange. "You've heard the Captain talk. Some people _like _interspecies sex."

He couldn't help but grimace, just a little. He liked to think that he was open minded, but there were limits (and the issue of physical compatibility.) "Yeah, maybe, but as much as Jack talks? It can't be all be true." _Gods All, I hope not…_ a few nights ago in the mess Jack and Julian had gotten to telling stories, each seemingly determined to 'one-up' the other with their sexual exploits. He remembered looking at Kam, wondering if he was bothered in the least to have his lover openly boasting about past encounters, but clearly he wasn't bothered at all. If anything, he seemed amused, maybe even mildly embarrassed although not for himself. Poor Anneke had been bright red by the time they were done. All Kam did was to say 'I told you so', to the crewman—Tom, Kai thought it had been—who had gotten them started.

He doubted that he could be as easy going as their young pilot... but then again, watching him and the Captain… seeing the changes that had come over Jack in particular since the younger man had become an integral part of his life… it was like he was a different person from the harsh, seldom-seen man he'd first signed a six month contract with. Kai could relate. He felt like a different person, too. Roberta was right, he wasn't hovering.

"Well I think it's true," she told him as they finally got across the crowded road and into the stall she'd wanted to look in. "Kam even said he was 'innovative'."

He just gave her a look; next to her Carsten shrugged. If he had an opinion, he wasn't sharing.

…………………………………………………………………

Jack wasn't entirely certain what would have made him more—or less—happy, Kam going with his cousin or him refusing to go. But in the end it was his decision, it had to be, so the older man relented without letting on (he hoped) how apprehensive he felt when Kam said he'd like to go with her. It was silly to think that Ree's father was waiting in the wings to snatch Kam away from him…but he couldn't help it. He tried to tell himself that it was equally silly to worry that Kam might decide to stay with his cousin, that he would leave him…but he couldn't help that, either. Nonetheless, he pressed a soft kiss to his partner's forehead. "If you need me, just call, I won't be far," he promised softly, his voice only loud enough for his young pilot's ears.

"I know," answered in kind. "I won't be long."

"Take as much time as you like, Sweetheart. I'll be right here waiting for you when you're ready."

Kam smiled; he understood what Jack wasn't saying. It was like before when he'd promised him that if he wanted to go off, be with other people, he'd be there waiting when he got back… Jack really didn't seem to understand that he'd already had his fill of other people. Just because they'd all had to pay for the privilege of using his body… he turned to face the daughter of the man who had sold him.

It wasn't her fault, she'd never been anything but kind to him. But seeing her brought all of the memories he tried so hard to bury back up to the surface. Everything his uncle said… everything did. Everything Kam wanted to forget. Everything he didn't want to believe any more.

His mother _wasn't_ a whore. He _wasn't_ good for one thing and one thing only. He _wasn't _useless…no good, just a pretty face… two holes. A stem. He was a valuable member of Jack's crew. He a regular contract, just like everybody else. _And best of all, Jack loves me._ He glanced up at the older man one more time before turning again and nodding to his cousin—Jack could have anybody, but he wanted him. That had to count for something, for more than all the horrible things his uncle had tried to make him believe.

Ree took a last, nervous, look at Captain Harkness as well. She swallowed hard, but the lump in her throat wouldn't go down. Just because he was allowing Kam a few moments didn't mean… she didn't know what it was going to cost him later. If she'd learned nothing else from her father, she'd learned that _everything_ had a price….

Jack didn't turn back to his companions until he saw which storefront Kam's cousin led him into. "You two go on to the market," he said to Jule and Anneke. "I'm going to hang out here for a while."

His thrice-great grandson gave him a disapproving look. "What was that you said about groups of four or more, Old Man?" he wanted to know. Clearly it wasn't he and Anneke he was worried about.

"I'm sure Miss Strickson can keep you out of trouble," Jack responded anyway, shooting a wink and a smirk in her direction. "Go on," he added in a more serious tone, his glance shifting to Julian. "Have some fun. Make sure you get her a glass of hot k'a. You'll love it," he told Anneke. "Especially—"

"Jack," Julian cut him off. He knew the older man was starting to babble and he only did that when he was genuinely upset about something.

He nodded, acknowledging the unspoken accusation. "Go on. I'll be fine."

After a moment, Jule nodded and offered Anneke his arm, "Shall we?"

Instead of accepting, she turned to the Captain, asking him again if he was sure he wanted them to leave him there alone.

"Yeah. No need for all of us to be loitering around bored. Go. Have fun." He flashed a smile that was very clearly forced.

Reluctantly, Anneke took the other man's arm and allowed him to escort her towards the market. She didn't know Julian well, but she would have been willing to wager that his distinct lack of flirting with her was a sure sign that he was worried about both Kam and Jack. "Do you really think it's all right?" she asked quietly.

"I trust Jack," he told her simply. "And I trust Kam's judgment."

She blinked; she hadn't presumed that Jule knew their pilot so well.

He smirked, "The Old Man has good taste," he told her, even though she hadn't asked her question aloud.

"Why do you call him that?"

"Hmm?"

"The Captain. Why do you call him 'Old Man.' He can't be any older than you are."

He laughed, despite himself—despite the fact that he was silently berating himself. He should have known that eventually his term of endearment for his great-great-great grandfather would cause somebody to ask. He just hadn't expected it to be young Miss Strickson. "Looks can be deceiving," he told her simply. "Especially where Jack is concerned."

"Is he… he's not human, is he?"

It was his turn to blink.

"A couple of us…" she swallowed back the last of her statement. She didn't want to get anybody into trouble and it wasn't anything more than idle speculation. _Something Dad always said would only get me into trouble,_ she remembered suddenly.

"If you have questions about Jack, you should ask Jack," Julian told her in a tone she couldn't quite interpret. It wasn't cold per se, but he wasn't his usual warm, boisterous self, either.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean… it's just… you've known him for a long time, right?"

"Right," he answered her cautiously.

"The rest of us don't know anything about him. Not really. He seems… he honestly seems like one of the best people I've ever met…"

"And that makes you suspicious," it wasn't a question, or even an accusation. "I know," he added. "But Jack is exactly what he seems to be, Anneke. Nothing more and nothing less."

"But some of the things he says—"

"He's lived a long time. He's seen… sometimes I think he's seen everything," he told her in a tone too sincere to be dismissed. "But he still cares about the rest of us. Even when it hurts him. I know my word isn't worth much with you, but believe me, he's one of the best people you could ever hope to meet."

"I do believe that. I think I might even believe that you're not so bad, either," she flashed a sly smile.

He chuckled, "Shhh. Don't tell anybody. My reputation would be ruined if word ever got out that I might be a nice guy."

"You can trust me to keep your secret, Mr Kyle."


	33. Chapter 33

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A/N:

Again, many thanks to everyone for reviewing/alert listing this, and for just continuing to read it! Special thanks to WickedWitchoftheSE for adding to the Welshman saga with her wonderful story _**What You Can't Leave Behind**_ (that's a hint, by the way, to anyone who hasn't read it. It's absolutely fantastic.)

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**Chapter Thirty Three**

"_You may be deceived if you trust too much,  
but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough"_

Frank Crane

* * *

Neither Kam nor Ree spoke as she led the way to her shop. The lane, like all of the roads Kam had seen so far in the city, was twisting, narrow and stone-paved… not that he knew enough about life in a city, on a planet, to know whether or not that was unusual, but it certainly seemed odd compared to the basic grid lay out of corridors of a space station or even the roads in the settlement on Pieri. He was sure that the pictures he'd seen in books of other Empire settlements looked very different from the city on Tonga Prima. Humans, it seemed (at least the ones who lived in cities that got written about in books) liked wide roads, straight lines… the inhabitants of Tonga Prime seemed to prefer things a bit less straightforward.

Ree glanced back towards Captain Harkness as she held the door for her cousin. Harkness was glaring. Glowering. He must be terrifying when he was angry. She wondered how often Kam found himself on the wrong end of the other man's temper… she shuddered at the thought of what he must be like when he was unhappy... he looked unhappy now. Hoping she hadn't done more harm than she thought, she closed the door and drew the shade to indicate that the shop was closed.

"Is this really yours?" Kam asked, peering around. The little shop was filled with handmade pottery. It looked almost as good as anything he'd seen in Henry's studio, even though all of Ree's pieces were utilitarian in nature, dishes, bowls, mugs. None of Henry's work was meant to be so practical—but his cousin obviously had talent. He'd never known she was artistic…_ of course I only knew her for three months,_ he reminded himself. Involuntarily, he drew his arms around himself, protectively, against the memory of those three months…all the beatings, the things his uncle used to say… the things he'd believed for so long were really true. Ree was speaking:

"It's all mine," she said proudly… but then her expression darkened as she noticed the way he was standing. "I'm sorry, Kam."

"It wasn't your fault," he told her simply. She was only a year older than him, she hadn't been in any position to protect him. He knew his Uncle Bran gave her the strap almost as often as he gave it to him. He had no reason to believe it hadn't always been that way, that it wasn't that way after he'd left. He swallowed back the lump in his throat as memories threatened to overwhelm him.

Jack was right. His Uncle had abused him. Hurt him. Sold him. Maybe it was legal, but that didn't make it right. "Ree, you have nothing to feel guilty over," he told her. "Nothing that happened was your fault," he repeated.

"No… I mean… I know that, but I took the money my—he—had set aside for a 'proper' education for me and I ran away."

"You stole…?"

"It wasn't his money Kam," she said bitterly, her tone full of guilt, her gaze settling on his wrists again.

He rubbed them, not quite self conscious but… "The money he got from his the Red House." It wasn't a question. It was the only place Bran could have gotten the kind of money for a real education for Ree. "I never stopped to wonder what he did with it," he admitted.

"I'm sorry, Kam," she said again. "I'm so, so very sorry," she took a half a step closer to him, her expression clearly showing that she wasn't sure…

"It's _not _your fault. You didn't ask him to… to do what he did."

"I never would have—I hate him for what he did."

"It doesn't matter. That part of my life is over."

"Are you hungry, can I get you anything?" she asked, instead of commenting.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"We just ate."

She nodded, but she couldn't make eye contact. At last she found her voice again. "At least let me get you some tea, come on," she motioned for him to follow her into the workroom. It wasn't much, just a low table and a few cushions for sitting on, her wheel and kiln, slabs of clay and jars of glazes and a tiny kitchenette. There was a staircase leading to the downstairs, presumably to a bedroom. "It's small, but it's home," she said with another wan smile.

"It's lovely," he told her honestly, slipping his boots off politely. Ree had toed off her shoes when she stepped into the back room. "Can I help?" Kam offered, as she started puttering about in the kitchen area.

"No, you just sit," her tone was sad. "I'll fix it for you."

He nodded and pulled off his jacket before taking a seat on one of the cushions. There was a bowl of fresh flowers on the table. The wood was scuffed, but otherwise the furniture seemed in good repair. "How long have you been here?"

"Nearly three years. How…" she hesitated. "How have you been, honestly, Kamden?"

"I'm good," he assured her.

She gave him a long appraising look. There were no bruises, at least none that were visible, but he was wearing a long sleeved pull-over shirt, jeans… she noticed that there were no holes in his socks… she didn't know why that mattered, but it did. However, given his attire, all she could really see was his face, and that was an asset no one was likely to want to mar.

She couldn't help but notice that the way the shirt hugged his body, too, showing off what looked like a healthy physique, and the jeans were just the right kind of snug. Not tight, not so that he looked like he was for rent or sale, just that he was a prize being shown off. Which meant that if there were bruises, they would be well hidden, in places only the person who put them there would see in the privacy of… the kettle whistled.

She got down a couple of mugs from the cupboard and poured the water. "Do you still take it the same?" she asked.

He nodded. A drop of milk, a bit of honey or sugar, or whatever local sweetener was available. "How did you get here?" he asked her.

"I hitched a couple of rides until I ended up here," she told him over her shoulder. "I like being the only human around… well, except for the Adonian ambassador…" his wry grin surprised her.

"We erm… that is, she's a friend of my Captain's," he explained, chewing his lip a little nervously. He wasn't sure if that was some kind of secret or anything…but they had walked right up to her front door, so surely it wasn't. Just the same, his cousin's expression troubled him.

"Ah. Well. I suppose that answers that question. I was wondering what had brought anyone besides the military this far outside of Empire Territory." She set down his cup in front of him.

"It's not that unusual for us. The _Welshman_'s a salvage ship."

"Salvage?" She sat down next to him. How had a salvage captain ever managed to afford… she gulped back the lump in her throat. Maybe 'salvage' was just what Harkness said he did… after all what would an Adonian be doing, conducting business with the captain of a lowly salvage vessel? She blew across the top of her mug then forced herself to face him. Really face him.

"Kam, tell me the truth, are you…" but she didn't know how to finish that. "Please tell me…" but how could she ask him to tell her that he didn't hurt him? Use him. She knew where Harkness had to have found him, that he must have bought out his contract from the Red House. That meant…

"It's not what you think," he said, understand a measure of what was going through her mind. "I love him, Ree."

She looked like the Adonian ambassador had when Jack asked her to get Julian to Tonga Tav.

"Ree?"

"How… how can you love someone who…" she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Kam, I…business has been… it hasn't been good, but it hasn't been bad, either. I have some savings. Maybe it's enough."

He frowned, not understanding. "Enough for what?"

"I could talk to him. I could buy out your contract—"

He nearly dropped his cup.

"I don't mean like that! I only meant… it's your money. Or it should be. It was your life my father sold. I just thought… I thought it would be better coming from me and not you, that's all," she was already afraid of what Harkness was going to do to Kam when he got him back.

"Ree—I—"

"You can stay with me. I know it doesn't look like much—"

"Ree, I told you, it's not what you think. I'm in love with him."

She looked sick again. "You can't possibly mean that. He owns you. Maybe he doesn't—" maybe he didn't beat him, hurt him, but…

"I'm contracted to his ship."

She paled.

"Not like that! I'm a pilot. In fact, I'm a good pilot," he added feeling no small amount of pride, pride he never would have known how to feel if it weren't for Jack always telling him how good he was at his job.

"But… the way he held onto you…"

"We're lovers," he told her. "We…we're partners," he told her, hating how hesitantly that had come out. He knew it was true, but saying aloud, knowing that somebody as wonderful as Jack valued him… _loved _him. _Boyfriend,_ he smiled. Jack was so much more than his boyfriend. But he used the word with Ree anyway, because he didn't have any other word to use to describe their relationship.

"People like him don't care about people like us. We're nothing to someone like someone who owns his own ship. His own crew."

"You don't know him." He stood up, his tea barely touched. "I should get going." It wasn't just that he didn't want to be there any more, he knew Jack was waiting for him, worrying.

"Kam, wait, please…"

"Ree, I know—I know better than you—how hard it is to believe in anything but the worst in other people, but not everybody is out to hurt…exploit… other people. Not everybody is like…there are really good people in the universe, Ree. My captain is one of them."

"Please don't go."

"Jack's waiting for me."

"Will…will I see you again?" she asked in a hesitant tone as he slid his boots back on.

Kam hesitated. But, "I think we're going to be here for a couple of days," he said, because if nothing else, it was the truth.

Ree just nodded, understanding his meaning. He would be on the planet for a while but that didn't mean he wanted to see her… she walked him to the door of her shop and wasn't surprised to see Harkness standing across the street, looking pensive, his arms folded across his chest.

As soon as the door opened he started to cross the street; his expression was unreadable, but it didn't look like he was happy. She stood on her threshold with her heart in her throat as Kam closed the distance between them. She didn't hear what either man said to the other, but Harkness' scowl was unsettling. She was trying to decide what to do, if she should say something, when the older man leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Kam's forehead, cupped his face gently in his hands…whispered something to him. Whatever he said, it made Kam pull in tighter, just for a moment, before they made their way back in the direction they'd originally been heading before she stopped them.

Kam turned once, briefly, and flashed her a tight lipped smile; Ree returned it.

Maybe tomorrow, she thought, she would go and find that ship of his, and see him again and find out for herself if Jack Harkness was really a good person…


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four**

"_The difference between a boss and a leader:  
a boss says, 'Go!'  
-a leader says, 'Let's go!'.__"_

E.M. Kelly

* * *

Valaree Anders fastened the buttons a clean pair of denim overalls. Under them, she was wearing a plain blue t-shirt—something simple. Something she hoped would look respectable to a man like Jack Harkness. She swallowed hard, but the lump in her throat refused to go away. She had never expected to see her cousin again. No one who ever went to the Red Houses was ever seen again…then again, no one ever looked for anybody who was ever sent there, either.

Guilt plagued at her, had kept her awake most of the night; she should have at least tried. She might not have been able to buy his contract back but she should have tried!

_I'm a pilot, that's all…_ but how could that be? Kam was so sweet-faced, he always had been... and she'd heard stories of how sometimes people in private Service made themselves believe they really _did _care for the men or women they were forced to Serve, men and women who would never return it. Those who Served were bodies to be used, nothing more. But maybe it was easier for Kam to love Harkness than it was for him to hate him. Fighting back the bile rising in her gut, Ree locked up her shop and made her way down to the spaceport at the edge of town.

She had little trouble finding Harkness' ship once she got there. She guessed accurately that they had arrived in the last few days and besides, there was only ship in the whole yard with a pair of humans…well, a human and a cyborg, at any rate… working on the hull. The big bulking man-machine hopped down from the work-platform as soon as he became aware of her approach. He was frighteningly huge…

"Something we can do for you?" he inquired; his voice surprised her. It was so… human. His countenance on the other hand… Ree swallowed hard and concentrated on looking at the human side of his face, wishing it had been the woman who had come down to talk to her.

The cyborg cleared its throat. _His_ throat. It was obvious he'd once been male.

"I'm sorry… is this the _Welshman _?" Ree managed to ask in a steady tone, even though she knew that it was.

"Yes, Ma'am," he beamed with pride that surprised her. She didn't know much about ships but the ones she'd been on, getting from her little home colony to Tunga Prime, hadn't been filled with men and women who seemed particularly enthusiastic about their postings. Maybe it was in his programming or something; Ree doubted the cyborg was within the 'legal limits' to be considered human any more. There was no telling how much of his brain was hardwired.

"What can we do for you?" he repeated his query, the humanness of his voice continuing to unnerve her.

"I… I was wondering…that is… is Kamden Anders on board?" Ree asked.

At that, Roberta Tolbert finally joined her fellow engineer on the ground. Unlike Buddy, she'd heard the whole story--including the way Kam's uncle had treated him--from their young pilot last night. To say that he was rattled by seeing his cousin again after all this time would have been an understatement, especially in the wake of the nightmares he'd been having about his past, the Houses, bad dreams he _didn't _want to tell Jack about (or Anna because he was afraid she might feel like she had to tell him, even though she always said she wouldn't.) Roberta was glad he'd come to her last night, glad he trusted her with his deepest darkest secrets, even if a part of her did wish she had never found out about what Avi had said to him, what he'd expected of the young pilot. She didn't like the way her feelings had turned sour towards the salvager… _but that's what friends are for,_ she'd assured Kam when he apologized for spilling his guts out about that, late one night/day in her quarters, over tears, hot chocolate and cheese toasties a couple of weeks ago. Everybody needed somebody they could turn to and sometimes that somebody wasn't the man they were sleeping with.

"Kam went off on an errand for the Captain," she said to the woman in a chilly tone; the cloud that came over Buddy's face escaped her.

Kam had gone off with Anneke Strickson, something Roberta didn't find unusual. She wasn't quite sure what was going on between Jack, Kam and Anneke, but she was pretty sure Kam would have told her if it was more than just a budding friendship. Not that she cared one way or the other. What other people did behind closed doors didn't concern her, just so long as everybody was there because they wanted to be. And there was no doubt in her mind that if Jack was involved there was no way anyone was pushing Kam into anything he didn't want to do—as if she could see Anneke trying. It just wasn't in the girl's nature.

What she didn't know was what had transpired between Buddy and Anneke just a few weeks before, or the assumptions the big engineer made about the nature of the Anneke's and Kam's relationship. (If she had been privy to his thoughts, she would have pointed out the obvious…after giving him a good one upside the head for being dense.)

As it was, she just wiped her greasy hands off on her coveralls and gave the woman standing before her a penetrating glare. Part of her wanted to send her away, she certainly had no rights to Kam's company… but good manners prevailed. "He shouldn't be much longer. I suppose you can wait around if you want." She hoped she wouldn't.

Casting another nervous look up at the cyborg, Ree nodded; she was fairly certain that she wasn't really welcome. The feeling increased, right along with her tension, when Harkness appeared just then on the gangplank.

"Ms Anders," he greeted in a tone even cooler than the female engineer had used. "Nice to see you again."

Which Ree knew was a lie. Just the same, when he offered her his hand and invited her onto his ship, she accepted, wondering if anyone would even notice if she disappeared. After all, not only was a Captain a god on his own ship, but they were so far outside of Empire territory that human laws didn't apply anyway and the local authorities didn't care one whit about the sole human inhabitant of Tunga Prime.

"Can I offer you a cup of coffee?" he asked.

Startled, she stuttered, "Th-thank you."

"I assume you're here to see Kam," he said, leading the way towards the mess. It wasn't a question; it didn't need to be.

"Yes, Sir," she answered anyway. "They…your crewman… said he was running… that is, that he'd be back soon…"

"He should be," he told her curtly. He'd hoped that getting Kam out of the ship for a while would be good for him, so he'd manufactured an errand—and called ahead to ask Larissa to provide an _'__**appropriate**__' _distraction for the two youngest members of his crew, emphasis on the word 'appropriate.'

But despite everything, he knew he could trust her, just as long as he reminded her _clearly and firmly_ that Kam was his partner and Anneke… well, telling an Adonian that she was as inexperienced as she was would have proven too much of a temptation, so Jack made it easy on all of them by laying claim on the young woman as well. One thing Larissa would never do, he very was sure, was to poach someone from his bed, at least not unless he was in it as well—and then she'd just do her best to insert herself into it with them. She did have a very big bed…

Even buried in his thoughts, habit made Jack step aside to allow Kam's cousin walk into the mess ahead of him.

She blinked a moment, unsure… Usually when someone wanted you to go first it meant there was somebody waiting up ahead to grab you so they could… but that seemed silly. This was his ship and he looked plenty strong enough to handle her on his own, if that was his intent. She flashed a smile that she hoped didn't look too nervous and stepped into the mess with the Captain just behind her. No grabbing ensued.

There was a small knot of crewmen sitting at one of the tables, drinking coffee, carrying on what seemed like a light hearted conversation. They looked up, but they didn't jump to their feet at the sight of their Captain or even stop talking for longer than it to notice him.

"At ease, gentleman, Doc," Harkness said anyway, his tone suggestive of teasing. He shot a cursory wink in the direction of the one female at the table. She was in her thirties, but she was one of the prettiest women Ree had ever seen.

To his comment and wink, the woman merely chuckled, her smile deepening. She hauled herself to her feet and picked up an empty coffee cup, joining them at the coffee maker. "Captain. And…?"

"Ms Valarie Anders," Jack told her.

The older woman nodded; if she had any thoughts about Ree's identity, she kept them to herself. She filled up her coffee cup and rejoined her compatriots without further ado.

"Ms Anders?" Jack prompted.

She blinked. Nothing about the last few minutes made any sense at all. The Captain, his crew... She hadn't been on a lot of ships, but she'd talked to her fair share of spacers. They all told her the same thing: keep you head down and stay out of the Captain's way. She knew she was a pretty woman, although in space that didn't really matter much… a hole was a hole, after all. Male, female, it didn't really matter to most... and she couldn't think of anyone she'd ever talked to who would have acted the way that woman just had, the way any of them were, even if they were the senior officers.

"Coffee…tea?" Harkness repeated.

"Erm…?"

He was giving her an odd look.

"Whatever you're having is fine, Sir," she finally managed to gather up her wits enough to say. "Thank you," she added, "I mean…" she hadn't meant that she expected him to actually serve her…

But he picked up a pair of mugs and filled them with strong black coffee, handing one over to her and nodded at the sugar and milk. She took neither. She watched him fix his cup out of the corner of her eye.

"I'll show you to my office," he told her; there seemed nothing particularly menacing about either his tone or his manner.

As soon as he got her settled, he excused himself a moment to contact Larissa; as much as he hated to cut short whatever wild (and probably completely true) story she was telling them about her homeworld, he didn't want to entertain Kam's cousin alone any longer than he had to. It was one thing for people to be wary of him. He was the Captain of a ship, he knew what that meant in the world in which he lived, but the girl honestly looked like… _she looks at me like Kam used to,_ he realized, as he wrapped up his conversation with the Adonian's butler. Valaree Anders was as afraid of him as Kam had once been and he hated that memory…

………………………………………………………………….

Ree was almost past being surprised by anything when Harkness offered to leave her and Kam alone in his office. He'd stepped out for a few moments after he first settled her there, inviting her to make to 'make herself at home', but then returned. And started doing paperwork. With a polite word or two to excuse himself for ignoring her… but… paperwork… and… and he didn't look up again until Kam came in twenty minutes later. In that twenty minutes time, Harkness hadn't done any of the ten things she might have expected, not that she wasn't relieved, it was just…just nothing about the man was making any sense!

But when she saw Kam's expression… nervousness… anxiety… and the cold lump settled itself back into the pit of her gut, causing her to miss the look of genuine affection that passed her cousin and his Captain as the latter slipped out to, in his own words, give them a little privacy.

"What are you doing here?" Kam wanted to know, just as soon as the door was shut again.

"I just… I needed to know that you were all right," she told him honestly as she rose to her feet. "Please tell me I haven't made it worse…" she stepped towards him.

Kam stepped back. "What are you talking about?"

"Coming here. Please tell me he's not going to…" she swallowed hard. _Just tell me he won't take it out on you if he's angry…_

"Ree… " he shook his head at her. "I'm fine, really. I'm happy. I told you that yesterday."

She looked him over again, more thoughtfully than she had before. He was wearing a short sleeved t-shirt. It showed off _exactly _how good of shape he was in. He was well fed, muscular… lean… he stood up straight, his shoulders back. There was a brightness in his eyes. "You look happy," she was forced to admit. It wasn't just that he was in good shape, it something else, something she couldn't define. Something she hadn't quite noticed before.

"I love him, Ree. It's _not_ one sided."

"But he's the Captain…" despite what Kam was saying, the expression on his face, it couldn't possibly be an equally balanced relationship, not when one person had all the power. Harkness could do anything he wanted and if Kam didn't like it…

"When we're on the bridge, he is the Captain," he agreed. "But the rest of the time… the rest of the time we're partners," he said, unable to keep the wonder out of his voice. "I know we're not really equals, how could we be? But that's not how _he_ sees it. Even though he's older than me and smarter and he's been everywhere there is to go—I'm not saying he's perfect," he added to her incredulous look. He knew the picture he painted of Jack was even more amazing than the real thing. But for Kam the fact that he was real, human, fallible, made him all the more wonderful. "He uses the coffee table as a chair and it took me three weeks to train him to use the bloody clothes hamper," he all but rolled his eyes at the memory.

"_Honestly Cariad, would it __**kill**__ you to use the hamper?" And even if it did, it wasn't like he wouldn't come right back… _he hadn't understood why Jack had laughed so hard, how much he'd sounded like the ghost of a memory. But after that he'd stopped leaving his things strewn all over their cabin.

And Ree was gawking.

Kam understood. By rights, he should just go along with however Jack wanted to do things and be grateful for a place to call home. And he _was_ grateful for his berth on the _Welshman_. He was grateful for Jack and everything he gave him, everything he meant to him. But that wasn't what their relationship was about, it wasn't Jack lording over him even though he could.

"He not like anybody else in the whole world, Ree. He's not perfect, but he _is_ incredible and he makes me so happy. I _know_ you haven't had much cause to trust anybody, neither have I, but Jack… Jack is the single best person I've ever met in my whole life. He's kind and generous and fair…" _and out of everybody in the whole universe, he chose me… he wants __**me**__. He loves __**me**__. _"Come on, it's almost lunch time. Why don't you eat with us?"

She gave him an askance look. What would Harkness say to him inviting…

But he just smiled. "I told you, when we're on the bridge he's my Captain. The rest of the time he's my partner," although he _wasn't _going to tell her how often Jack tried to blur those lines on those long dull shifts, especially when he convinced the rest of the bridge crew to go stretch their legs for ten minutes leaving the two of them alone…. "Besides, how long has it been since you've had a real tomato right off the vine?" he couldn't help the brightness of his grin.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N:**

Ok, so in a lot of ways this didn't go the way I'd planned, but I'm not unhappy with where we ended up. I hope nobody else is either. That said, for the sake of sanity (at least mine) and to keep this from going on and on and on, this is it, the **Last Chapter**, right at 35, like I said. However… the fantastic Sidlerocks is hard at work on another Jack and Kam story (trust me, I've seen early drafts, it's amazing! I can't wait until she finishes it. No pressure or anything…)

And I think I've got another idea or three rattling around my own brain as well… but if I don't wrap this up, I'll never finish anything else and I think I've left poor Tim and Sara hanging long enough, we need to get Timmy better and get them to the altar with Abby!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Five**

"_Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. __  
Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still."_

Robert Sternberg

* * *

Jack propped himself up in one elbow and studied the beautiful boy… the beautiful _man_… sleeping next to him in their bed. When he'd first lain eyes on Kam, he really had been a boy, scared of his own shadow, starved for affection… for love. Real love. And the last seven months… Jack smiled. It wasn't just Kam who had found something so incredible… so good. _Thank you for not giving up on me, Sweetheart. _

"You never did, though, did you?" he asked aloud, very quietly, feathering a soft kiss to the young man's shoulder.

"_We made it…"_ a beautiful Welsh voice… those eyes… the feel of his body pressed close as they took to the dance floor for the first time on their wedding day while all around them friends and family looked on, happy.

"_Did you ever think we wouldn't?" he'd asked him__, surprised by the question._

"_Lots of times," Ianto admitted._

"_I'm sorry…"_

"_Doesn't matter. We're here now."_

"We're here now," he told Kam, "And I love you so much." He didn't know if Kam and Ianto were really the same person, if he really believed in something besides nothing after death—if all the similarities between the two men actually meant that someone, one amazing person, truly loved him enough to find his way back to him… or if maybe all the little similarities between them were just coincidences after all. If all he was seeing were the things he wanted to see, the memory of the person he'd loved so very much, so long ago….

But it didn't matter any more. He was happy. "Happier than I've been in five hundred years," he told them both. _All because of you._ Ianto Jones. Kamden Anders.

He had never thought he was the kind of person who needed someone else as much as he needed Ianto… Kam. He hadn't even realized wasn't happy, not truly happy, for the last five centuries. He'd mourned, moved on, lived his life…or at least that's what he'd told himself he was doing. He realized now that that wasn't the case at all. He'd been muddling through, existing… there had been a few moments of happiness. Mari and Euwan. Jimmy.

_I really did love you,_ he thought in James direction. _But not like I love __**you**__, _he pressed another soft kiss to his lover's shoulder.

The younger man murmured something incomprehensible in his sleep, but didn't wake up. Jack smiled. It almost sounded a little like Welsh… which he knew was absurd, but it wasn't the first time Kam's sleepy mutterings had reminded him of the way his Welshman used to mumble in at him in the middle of the night. "But it really doesn't matter," he promised the young man next to him. "I love you for who you are, not who you might have been." He loved Kam for his smile and his dry wit, for the kindness of his heart. "I love you for loving me." Jack knew that took courage. He wasn't an easy person to love. Jimmy hadn't been able to do it, not after he told him about not being able to die, after he told him how long he'd already been alive. Not after the first time he saw him come back… he remembered the look of horror on Jim's face… the look of elation on Kam's, the easy way he'd just accepted everything he had to say.

He shifted slightly, moving into a more comfortable position, his arm wrapped securely around his lover. Kam had grown up in front of him over the last seven months. It wasn't just that he'd filled out, the result of a good diet, regular exercise… all kinds of exercise, he smirked, thinking back to the last few hours… but it was the way the he carried himself that made Jack acknowledge he really wasn't a boy any more. He stood up straight, held his chin up; he wasn't afraid to look people in the eye any more. Even Larissa had told him, in a moment of lucid clarity, that he was an extraordinary young man and he had better not do anything to hurt him. Of course she'd followed it up with a merry wink and the half hearted threat that if he did, she'd snap him up for herself and never give him back, he was just too precious.

Precious… he snickered. He didn't disagree, it just wasn't a word he ever would have chosen on his own.

Still, he was glad the Adonian had accompanied Kam and Anneke back from her home that day, the day Kam's cousin had come to the ship looking for him. It had been almost a week now and Kam was still… he knew something was wrong, more so than the young man was willing to admit to him. Whatever it was, it had started before Ree had accosted them in the street, he knew that. He just didn't know what it was.

He'd hated leaving them alone in his office that day. It had taken all of Larissa's considerable charm and wit to occupy him, keep him from eavesdropping on the conversation. To keep him from barging in there after ten minutes because he couldn't stand the way Kam had looked when he first came in…

He hadn't been especially happy that Ree was joining them for lunch, either. But she was Kam's cousin, so he'd played the good host. He did have to admit a certain amount of pride over how impressed she was with the meal. It wasn't really anything out of the ordinary, at least not for Lach, but it was certainly better than the young Ms Anders had been expecting.

She didn't stick around long after lunch, but Kam went to visit her a couple of times afterwards. He didn't seem inclined talk about their visits, even though Jack asked. However, he was determined to respect the young man's privacy because privacy was something he was sure Kam had had little of. He just wished… _I wished I could be sure you really weren't thinking about staying here… leaving me… _

Even before their arrival on Tunga Prime, Kam had been… he'd been as intense as Jack had been when he feared the young man was wanting more space, maybe thinking about leaving him—when they'd both said the wrong things, done the wrong things… But there had been no miscommunications lately, at least none of which Jack was aware. Kam had just been all over him… not that he was complaining. One thing five hundred years…nearly three thousand years… had not diminished was his libido. He just wished…

He reached out and ran his fingers gently through the young man's hair… "I would give anything for the chance to be like you," he whispered. Mortal. Human. "I wish I could give you the kind of life you deserve. I wish I could give you more…"

Henry's words echoed through his memory… _Did Ianto ever once complain…?_

He hadn't. He'd just loved him… _loved me more than anything. _

"But I still wish I could give you more this time around, Sweetheart. At least in Cardiff we had a house … even if it took us a while to settle on a place," he remembered suddenly with a smile. There had been a fight… a reconciliation by the fireplace of the house they finally agreed on, the one Ianto had wanted. It wasn't anything like the house he'd lived in with Laura… with Lucia… _Alice… Seren… _it had been a long time since he'd thought about his daughters… any of his daughters. But he rarely thought of his and Laura's girls any more. He hadn't really known them.

He hadn't stuck around to watch Seren grow old, he couldn't do it with her the way he had with Alice. But Alice had needed him more. He hadn't abandoned Seren, not by any stretch of the imagination, but they'd parted ways eventually, friends more than father and daughter. "I wish you could have known her longer, Cariad," he said to the man sleeping next to him. "She was a good kid. She grew up into a great woman." Deep down, he knew that he really did believe… Kam… Ianto… he knew… he was just afraid to admit it too hard. If he did, and Kam left him, if he stayed here with his cousin…

And even if he didn't stay on Tunga Prime or leave him to go off and live his own life, he would die eventually. _Just give us longer this time, please… fifty or sixty years… _was that really so much to ask? He was going to live forever, couldn't he have just a few moments of real happiness? Just another minute or two in his long eternity?

Wiping the moisture from his eyes, Jack slipped out of bed and padded into the bathroom. He didn't need a shower so much as he needed a few minutes alone under a hot spray of water to clear his head.

Julian should be back from Tunga Tav sometime today, tomorrow at the latest. Larissa had gone with him… under considerable duress. The natives of Tunga Tav were purported to be one of the most hideous races in the known universe… not that Jack knew much about them. All he remembered from his days in the Agency was that Tunga Tav was strictly off limits, no one came, no one went, and since they didn't have anything the Agency wanted, it wasn't an issue.

He would have gone with Julian himself, would have preferred to, in fact (Larissa certainly would have preferred it), but Jule had a point. He wouldn't exactly be welcomed on a planet full of telepaths. Even the very best telepaths he'd met, both inside and outside the Human Empire, said that when they looked at him, they couldn't _see_ anything. That tended to frighten the really good ones, the ones who were used to being able to stare right into a person. One of them had described him as a black hole, a void… _a fixed point in time…_ but only a Time Lord would understand that.

And he realized he'd been standing under the hot water for a lot longer than he'd intended to. He turned off the spray and stepped out into the steam, caught sight of his fuzzy reflection in the little mirror over the sink. Stopped a moment, considering… him. Kam. Ianto. The things Henry had said to him. Had he really used his immortality as an excuse not to live?

……………………………………………………………..

Kam woke with a start, realizing he was alone in the bed. For a moment cold dark panic gripped at him, seeming to come out of nowhere… after all, it wasn't especially unusual for him to wake up alone in the middle of the night. Jack never slept more than a few hours at a time… but lately… lately he'd been there almost every time he woke up. He realized how much he missed waking up snuggled into the crook of the older man's arm. But really, he was being unfair and he knew it. Jack shouldn't have to stay in bed just because of him. There was only so much reading he could honestly want to catch up on—that was his usual excuse for laying there awake. Kam knew it was an excuse, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to say that he didn't need the other man… his partner, his lover… there with him. He didn't want to tell him that he was still having bad dreams. Only little kids had bad dreams.

Besides, if he told him about the dreams, he might have to tell him what they were about and how could he admit to Jack how afraid he was that someday he'd lose him, too, just like he'd lost his mother… Kase… everybody who had ever been important to him? How could he admit to him that there had been someone else, a man… a boy… who had been so important to him?

He slipped out of bed, pulling Jack's t-shirt on over his head, his own pyjama bottoms onto his legs. When he stepped into the living room, he heard Glen Miller.

"Hey," beautiful blue eyes looked up from the heap of star charts that were lain out on the coffee table. "Hope I didn't wake you."

"Nah," Kam fibbed. He doubted it had really been Jack's absence that had woken him. He wasn't sleeping well lately. He suspected that Jack knew it, but he was grateful he wasn't pressing the issue.

Without a word, he picked up the older man's empty coffee cup and took it over to the kitchenette. There wasn't any coffee in the pot, a clear indication that the Captain had been up for a while, so he started a fresh pot. "What're you working on?" he asked over his shoulder, trying very hard to sound casual.

"That lead we got on a couple of wrecks," the other answered easily. "Trying to figure out the best way through some of this," he'd also managed to acquire a couple of decent maps of the area. "Maybe you could give me a hand?"

"Sure," Kam returned to him; the coffee would take a couple of minutes anyway. And the way Jack smiled at him… maybe a lifetime really wasn't so much to ask for. After all, what was his lifespan compared to Jack's? _But to me, it's everything, it's all I have to give and… _and when Jack leant in he reciprocated, met the kiss half way, savoured it.

The older man deepened the kiss, pulled him closer to him… held onto him. Held him tight for a long, long moment even after the kiss had ended.

When he finally let him go, Kam sat back, studying him… something was wrong. He knew it was. "Cariad?" his mind raced, wondering if it was something he'd done… but that kiss… Jack wouldn't kiss him like that if he was mad… but he wasn't looking at him, either. "Jack, what is it?"

"I erm… that is… I've been thinking … there's something…" he stammered.

"Jack please, whatever it is—" but something in his expression made him stop speaking. "I love you," he said anyway, his tone plaintive. If he'd dome something wrong, if he was upset with him, there was nothing Kam wouldn't do to fix it.

"I love you too. That's why… it's why I want you to have something, but I… I'm really rubbish at this," he almost laughed. "I just feel like I have so little to give you, Sweetheart," he tried to explain.

"You've given me everything!"

But he shook his head. "I haven't given you anything, Kam. I don't have anything to give. Just… just me and…" _and that's nothing_. That's what every single telepath he'd ever met said to him. It's what the Tungans would have said if he'd gone with Julian.

"Jack, you're _everything!_ _**My **_everything."

He barely felt the younger man's hand on his, the brush of his fingers across his cheek.

"I don't even exist," he reminded him quietly. "Jack Harkness lived and died five hundred years ago and I haven't bothered to create a new identity for myself." Why was that, he wondered… why live all this time with somebody else's name? With that particular name? _Because the best years of your life were spent while using that name,_ said a little voice in the back of his head. He couldn't decide who it sounded like. Henry. The Doctor. Hell, it might even be John Hart's voice for all he knew.

"I don't care about that," Kam's voice…

He turned to face him. "But I do. See, I would do anything to be able to give you the things you deserve. A real life, a home. A family. But I… I can't. I don't have anything… just… just this," he held out the one thing he had …but Kam's expression… it was unreadable. "That is… if… if you want it. It probably doesn't even fit." He tried to shrug off what he thought was rejection in the young man's brown eyes. After all, why would anybody want another man's ring?

Kam's heart rose in his throat; he was very sure he wasn't breathing at all once he realized what Jack was holding because he couldn't believe he really meant… he was really offering… His gaze darted to the chain around his neck because he had to be sure. Those rings were all he had left of his Welshman. His husband. And… and there was only one ring on the chain around Jack's neck. "Cariad," he barely heard his own voice.

Jack closed his eyes at the sound of the word, so familiar. The accent was different of course, but he loved the way it sounded coming from Kam anyway. "I know it's not fair," he admitted. Even if it was him, if somehow… if he'd come back, if he still loved him, if he did still want him… _you're still just a kid in this life._ Kam hadn't had a chance to live his own life.

"What's not fair?" Kam wanted to know, despondency heavy in his voice. It felt like Jack was offering him something—something he never would have dared to hope for, not in a million years, but something he wanted to accept more than anything—but then he was snatching it back again just as quickly as he'd offered to give it and he didn't know why. "Jack, please, tell me what isn't fair."

"You've never been with anybody but me. You should…"

"I told you, I don't care! I love you with all my heart, Jack. I've _always_ loved you. Meeting you changed my life. _You _changed my life. I don't want or need anybody else. Please…" he bit his lip. He had to tell him, he didn't have a choice. If he didn't, it would be like everything he'd just said would be the biggest fattest lie in the universe. "Please don't hate me," he begged.

"What?"

"There… there was someone else, once, a long time ago… well…" he managed a small smile. "You know. A long time for me. I'm sure seven—almost eight—years is nothing to you."

"It's still eight years, Sweetheart," he said gently, not unaware of the guilt that was plaguing the younger man, even if he didn't understand it. "What happened?" he asked gently.

"He was my trainer… one of them… the Red House," he explained. "But he wasn't like the rest of them, he was… he was a good person, Jack. He was nice to me. He didn't hurt me. He made me feel good," he couldn't look into those blue eyes any longer. "He…he kissed me. He was the first person to ever really kiss me."

The hurt in his lover's tone was unmistakable. "What happened to him?" he queried softly because he knew something must have.

Kam shrugged. "He was sent away, his contract was sold. I never saw him again. I…I think I loved him, Jack. Not like I love you," he added quickly, a nervous tremor rising in his voice. "But I… I cared about him so much and then he was gone and…and I'm sorry. Please don't hate me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"For loving somebody else. It wasn't like this, I swear it wasn't, but…but I know I loved him and I'm sorry."

"Kam… Sweetheart," he wiped the tears from the younger man's face wondering if this was what had been bothering him so much the last few weeks.

"I'm sorry…" he repeated through tears that wouldn't stop.

"Shhh… listen to me. There are all kinds of love, Kam" he said slowly, the ghost of another conversation snaking its way through his memory. He lifted the young man's chin gently in his hands so he was looking him in the eye even though he obviously didn't want to. "There's the love of a good friend, someone you can trust even when you can't trust anybody else. And there's…there's the love of a parent and a child… there's the kind of love you have for somebody you've known for a long time, someone you'll always love, even if it's different now."

"Like you and Mr Smeed?" It was only barely a question.

"Exactly. I will always love him, but it's been a very, very long time since we were in love."

Kam nodded.

"It doesn't bother you about me and Jimmy, does it?"

"No! Of course it doesn't," he couldn't believe Jack even had to ask.

"Does it bother you about me and Henry?" he continued in the same patient tone.

He shook his head. He knew that maybe it should because unlike James Smeed Henry was still… magnetic. Gorgeous. Immortal. But he and Jack were just friends. They'd had their moment, it passed, it was a long time ago. He was glad they had each other, glad Jack had somebody who understood. He was glad Henry did, too.

"Then tell me why should it bother me that before we even met you loved somebody else?" said Jack.

Kam swallowed. "Because… you… you're… you've always been in my dreams."

"What?"

"You. Your eyes, your arms. Your scent. Your coat, the one you used to wear, back on Earth. I'd never seen a coat like it, not until I saw that picture Henry drew—but I knew it. I could feel it around my shoulders making me warm. I've known you all my life, Jack, and I feel like I cheated on you!"

"Oh Sweetheart," he pulled him close and held him while he cried some more. "You hadn't even met me yet, how could you have cheated on me?"

"But I had met you!"

"Dreams don't count, Kam. You can't cheat on… on a memory. And that's all I was then." He shifted them so he could look at the younger man again; he cupped his face gently in his hands. "I could never be mad at you for something that happened before we even met. I couldn't be mad at you for caring about somebody who was good to you, either."

Kam studied him a long moment. "You… you told me before that you wanted… you said the rest of my life, Jack," he reminded him. "Do…_did_ you really mean that?"

"I still mean it. I just… it seems unfair to ask you for so much."

"It's not unfair, Jack. I want you too. I want you forever."

"Forever's an awfully dangerous word," he began, his tone forcibly light. 'Forever' hurt too much to think about. Even if he could believe…

"It's _not_ a dangerous word Jack," Kam told him seriously. "You're going to live forever. I won't but… but I'll always find a way to come back to you, at least… at least as long as you want me to…" he hesitated.

"Don't you think you'll get sick of me after a while?"

"Not a chance." Then he smiled. "You're pretty entertaining, you know."

He laughed, he couldn't help it. "I aim to please."

"Well if that's the case…" he leered, albeit playfully.

"Kam…" it was Jack's turn to hesitate.

"I love you, Cariad. Forever."

…………………………………………………………………..

When Jack and Kam came onto the bridge at the start of their shift, Jim Smeed didn't remark on the ring he noticed hanging from the chain around the young man's neck. He'd been up close and personal with Jack enough times to know it was one of the ones Jack always wore, to know that it had belonged to somebody from his past, somebody important. Somebody he never talked about, at least not with him. He suspected that if he asked—not that he ever would—that Kam would know. Whatever it was between those two it was just like Jack said. It was special. It was different. There had been a time when that might have bothered him…

"Any word from Mr Kyle?" Jack asked of no one in particular. Shift change was still in progress… they were a little earlier than usual. But if they hadn't left their quarters when they did, there was a good chance that they would have been very, very late.

They hadn't slept much, but they had talked… made love…talked some more. He finally got the younger man to tell him everything that was bothering him. It was more than just that he'd had feelings for someone else, it was that that someone had been taken away from him, suddenly. Unexpectedly. The same way that Kam had lost his mother, his home. He was terrified of everything again, of losing him.

"_I can't die, remember?"_

"_You could still leave… or get taken away. The Empire… or that Time Agency of yours…"_

"_I will always come back for you, Sweetheart. I promise."_

"Mr Kyle and the ambassador should be landing in about an hour," Kai Jennings appraised the Captain.

He nodded. "As soon as Mr Kyle is back on board, I want us off this rock. Planetside's nice an' all, but I think I'm ready for a nice view of stars. What d'you Kids say?" his grin took in the entire bridge crew, including An Cho who was just coming in the door, and Avi Stasi who was apparently bored down below—no surprise there. There wasn't much to do in the cargo hold as long as they were grounded.

Stasi managed to almost smile, nod. As usual, Ms Cho avoided direct eye contact without quite ignoring him either. It seemed that despite their little talk a couple of months back, there was still frost between them. But that was something to deal with on another day, Jack decided.

He took up his favourite spot on the bridge, just behind Mr Weiss' and Mr Anders' stations, one hand on the back of each man's chair… not that anyone had any misconceptions about who it was he really wanted to be close to.

Kam looked up, met his gaze and held it for just an instant. "Aye, Sir," he said to the Captain's order, his voice betraying nothing but calm professionalism… but that didn't matter either. Jack saw everything he needed—everything he wanted—in those brown eyes. He saw forever…


End file.
